Anger

Sometimes I wish there was a separate place just for anger. It seems to be my daily struggle. Yes, there are causes like feeling insulted or wounded or carry overs from the unresolved issues of other days but since it is so bad for me I would like to be free of it. It does help to head it off at the pass, leave the room, count to ten but the feelings that rise up come up fast. I would like to be cured!

Sorry to hear about the anger and the problems it is causing you. You could write things down in a journal, write about where the anger is coming from. Perhaps that could help?

Today I as on the flip side of anger hating and inwardly punishing myself. Feeling guilty and using all those negative words and events to beat the daylight out of myself. Anger blames and self hate regrets. They all produce pain!

What's the cause of all this anger?

I am sure I carry some anger from some childhood abuses but in the present it is harsh words unnecessarily spoken to me by my family. I have tried so hard to be nice and supportive and yet My husband thought it was funny to be making jokes that were negative and directed at me. He used to scowl at me if I interjected my thoughts in the moment of conversation. If my daughter is angry she just lets loose with really harmful and completely untrue words. She is the one who is feeling lousy. She is trying to feel better by attacking me. It seems like every day has a struggle of its own. Worse, I end up with pain inside. I have spoken up with my husband. I have not with my children. I have a counselor but they don't. I learn how to communicate appropriately but they have not sought help for themselves. Boy, is this generational!

It's good that you have a counselor. Would your husband and daughter be willing to be involved in some form of family counselling? so that way they all know what is happening and how it is effecting you and the appropriate ways to talk to each other.

Thanks but they wouldn't. I think it is easier for them to think I am the one and they are okay. They aren't so okay. I at least realize where my struggles lie and try very hard to change . Hard to make progress though when other things are hurting you and creating obstacles.

What does your counselor say about the situation?

I might be able to help PianogirlPlays. I am pretty sure that being angry all the time, feeling insulted and wounded as you describe is caused by the same underlying thing that causes depression. You might want to see if these notes make sense for you

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

- vital

Definitely to look for the good but also speak up when I am being hurt. I do know the respectful ways to do this but have little courage with my kids. I fear losing them completely so I mostly just try to go on. Looking at this moment I am in relationship with them but there are a lot of hurts buried inside me.

Interesting article about Snap Club. thanks. I get really angry sometimes. This helps anger?

I think it's good advice about looking for the good but also speaking up.
Also talk to them in a calm and assertive way.
But I also understand about the fear of losing them.

Is there anyone else in the family that sympathizes with you and can help you out? By family I mean: brother, sister, cousin, aunt, uncle, etc.

I do believe so Creamsickle. Without realizing or deciding, a depressed person will stop deciding what they think and feel. This makes them vulnerable to ruminating thoughts that feed on themselves. Thinking and feeling responses become hypersensitive and long lasting because of that.

For example, for a healthy person, if something irritating happens, they are irritated for a while and then they go on to something else. For a depressed person, the irritation feeds on itself. You don't think about it once and feel irritated, you think about it 100 times over and over and over again. Over time, this makes you hypersensitive to the various things that can make you angry. Tiny things will then set you off for a long lasting out of proportion emotional response.

That's why, I believe, being irritated or angry or afraid all the time is a sign of depression. I believe that the stereotypical angry teenager or grumpy old man are most likely depressed.

I believe that all this is caused by that one underlying mechanism explained in the notes.

- vital

I agree with PoohBah.

Being depressed rob you of your decision making. And this goes along with Anger. You can't control yourself most of the time and the only moment you realize you had acted is hours later, when you regret it and then you act again when this sense of unlving return and the cycle continues.

Try the snap club. I'm trying since yesterday and allowed me to do a little more with my day yesterday. It will be a little increase in control and a sense of well-being, but even the smallest things help enormously.

Sorry, I forgot another thing. I use the sylva method to manage my anxiety and panic attacks and I think it would help you. The way I use it is:

a) Close your eyes.

b) Imagine a green board.

c) Count from 100 to 0, drawing each number in red and breathing deeply.

d) While inhaling and exhaling, say this: I'm calm, relaxed and in complete health.

For me, it allows me mind to calmd down little by little and find my center. With time, you can shrink the number until you can do it from 10 to 0, but I have never done this. I like using the 100 to 0. But that's me.

Hope It helps.

My husband does understand about the kids because he experiences the difficulty too and my counselor is understanding about working with him.

That's good and means there is some progress that can be made. I hope things improve for yourself and your family.

You'd lose them just because you express your wishes in a respectful way? Really?

That's such a completely irrational fear.