Any one antisocial because of their past?

I am in college and I dislike a lot of nice people wish prevents me from making friends. I am pretty much a loner but I still make small talk in my classes. I just find people boring, I hate small talk, I hate petty talk.

I have been through a lot of hardship and I am witnessing the decline of my mother who has paranoid schizophrenia. While most people just worry about their grades and job, I have to worry about that and worry about my mother being committed, committing suicide and my own mental health. I feel like I have aged by a thousand years and find myself more mature than the average 20 year old.

Anyone have a similar situation?

With what you're going through, you probably cannot find anyone to resonate with, and when your peers at college are happily chatting away, presumbly talking about shallow stuff, your probably thinking deeper thoughts and getting frustrated with them because you cannot connect with them because of their shallowness.

This isn't anything to do with you, I was pretty antisocial at college because I was going through ****, and needed people around me that understood, people who I could talk to, but at the time I had to pretend I was 'normal' just to try fit in with them, and I hated them for having such happy lives when I was in so much pain, and hated them for not seeing my pain and reaching out to me - at college I was a target for bullying, because I needed to fit in with them, put it was like jamming a square peg in a round hole.

People aren't as boring as you think, when you get to know someone well, layers and layers come off, the shallowness is just on the surface with the majority of people, and small talk is just a way of connecting with people without getting really deep.

Hi Runs with the eagle.

I agree with lowinmood...everyday banter is simply a way of establishing that ..'Hey, I'm ok, and you're ok too' Shared interests and connections evolve when we dig a bit deeper and gain trust.

Compartmentalising areas of our lives is one way to deal with multiple stresses...a stategy that helps us focus on certain areas of our lives without instrusive worrying. Definately a strategy that has worked for me in the past

College should be a wonderful time in ones life, a time to discover who we are and who we want to become. Maybe connecting with a campus counsellor would help give you some breathing space Runs with the eagle, he/she will keep anything you need to talk through confidential. They are there to assist and support all students.

Be kind to yourself Runs with the eagle. Q.L

I wish I went to counselling whilst I went to college, it would have helped a lot, It's something I really regret now, not getting counselling at an earlier stage, I wonder how different I would be now.

I'm feeling really intense recently, I was a lot lighter in mood in the summer, and actually had a sense of humour and found it easier to connect with people, I feel I'm taking things really seriously and finding it hard to find the joy in life, however, I'm finding watching stuff on Netflix which has humour in is gradually making me feel less intense and talking to my friend on skype yesterday helped. I realise I don't think it's useful to go round my head with heavy stuff all the time, so small talk, shallow stuff has it's benefits.

I am more anti-social due to my personality and philosophical beliefs than anything.

You seem to be more mature and smarter than the average 20yo.

Runs With the Eagle - I was treated very badly by my peers and important people in my life growing up. Hence I have an extreme trust issue with people and don't allow myself to get close to them. Frankly speaking, I have stopped short of allowing myself to develop friendships. Instead I am sourrounded by numerous aquaintanceships. I actually do crave closer attachments but my fear of them turning against me trumps that need.