[Lydiari]

Ugh... Sometimes I just can't deal with my head. Whenever we hang out with my boyfriend's family for special events, his brother's Gf gets all the attention of his family. Her parents are practically rich and she is always going on about everything that she does. She's treated like she's a golden prize. They even asked her ''hey you tried modeling? You seem perfect for it'' and I'm just feeling to myself like super ugly because nobody ever said that to me... Unlike her, I grew up, my family was really poor. Living off of Welfare, doing drugs. My dad never wanted us to get rides anywhere because gas money was too expensive. We lived a really secluded life kinda outside of everything social out there.

Everybody loves her, and praises her. My bf's mom spends more time focusing on her than she ever does me. It hurts because I'm always helping her with cleaning, groceries and gardening. I'm trying to fit in the family and it's so hard because I have nothing to share or brag about. I get stuck in my head. It feels like nobody bothers to know me better because I don't have any good stories, or witty things to say. I'm not really good at anything. Even games. I just play them for fun and nobody seems to take that seriously either. I feel so stuck sometimes. Like I just don't want to keep trying. Whenever I'm happy or having a good day, it feels like everyone is always more interested in their own thing. I'm there saying I did one thing good in my day, people smile and then she comes out with 10x things that are much more interesting. For anyone to talk to, I don't have my parents' support because my mom holds a grudge on me for leaving the house. So it often ends up just me and my head, crying in the bathroom.

I'm always nice and smile for everyone all the time and it feels like I am so easily replaceable. I'm the quiet girl always on the side that nobody ever seems to pay much attention to. I try to speak to my bf of this but sometimes it just doesn't work... He tells me all the right things but I still feel alone all the time inside my head. I feel like giving up because if I just disappeared one day, nobody would even notice because I never brought anything to the world... I feel like someday he's gonna realize that I'm just worthless... I don't have things I'm good at... I've never really found them. I don't know what to do in college or for work. I don't have any motivation to try new things. They're just never fun.. and I always feel like it's never going to be enough. I hate crying because it doesn't make me feel better... because I feel like nothing will change.

[iamnoone]

Originally Posted by Lydiari

I'm always nice and smile for everyone all the time and it feels like I am so easily replaceable. I'm the quiet girl always on the side that nobody ever seems to pay much attention to.

Wow, you described exactly what i feel about myself.
I can relate a lot with what you described. I mean I don´t have a boyfriend right now, but if I was in your situation I think I´d feel the same.I can´t cope with rejection, even if it´s not intended (maybe this is the case).
do you feel like you´re kind of being rejected or are not appreciated?
It´s hard to ignore such actions but it´s clear his family are dazzled by her wealth and want their son to marry well. It seems like they´re vain people and you´re a very nice hard working girl. Try to ignore such attitude. They´re wrong not you.

[Lydiari]

Sometimes yeah I do feel like that... especially when I try so hard to find my place in his family. You're sweet.. I think I need to hear that sometimes.. when I can't really speak to anyone of it, all I have is my head.

I just hope it gets better not worse. Just wish people would like talking to me more. I am always friendly and open. But it hurts when nobody wants to try to know me better. I close down in my shell.

[XochiD]

This sounds like what I go through in not being "good enough" in my circle of friends. Everyone is living grand lives, bragging bout all the stuff they do, even their rants are glorious. they get all the attention.

Then I come along and my measly little brags or little rants go unnoticed. I hate being rejected by virtue of neglect. It feels like they are being cruel. I try but it never really seems like it's working for me - but it seems effortless for them.

[Lydiari]

That is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I just want to feel special. Even if it's only once in a while. Just have someone seem genuinely interested in the lame little things I do.

[IceCreamKid]

Does this Golden Prize girl help with the chores like you?

If not, I'd stop being so available for those.

Some -- many -- families (or groups in general) assign roles to people, usually based on whatever the group leader needs to see expressed. I'm guessing the mother gets reflected glory for her son to have such a wonderful prize in this young woman. Her feet could be clay, but because Mom gets such a good feeling from the creating and maintaining this girl as an idol, she's not going to willingly change and all of a sudden recognize you as the gem you are.

If you have not, I would discuss this calmly with your boyfriend, once. I would tell him I needed to feel special, especially by him, and I needed to feel he had my back. If he gives you appropriate reassurances that he loves you and you matter to him, I'd just stop spending so much time with these people. If he can't reassure you that you are important to him, and/or he is not willing for you to spend less time with them it's time to find a new boyfriend.

[LaDauphine]

It's taken me a long time to realize/accept this, but some people are simply mediocre/average. We're not all equal and some are just better than others.
In fact, I think MORE people are average than they are above average, but we focus so much on those that appear to live the type of life we want that we *think* that's the way the entire world is.
It's not.
Obviously, there are things she can do that you can't, but you need to realize that you have skills she doesn't. You just have to find those and HOLD ONTO THEM. Find the part about you that makes you surpass not just her, but everyone. There's nothing wrong with trying to find your "thing" and if you don't think you have one GET one.
Take up a sport. Write a book. It'll take effort, a lot of effort, but if you're not lucky enough to be born with gifts, looks, skills, etc. then you have to put in the effort or live out the rest of your days in the Land Of Averages.

Some of us are invisible.

I have spent a lifetime trying to figure out why I am not seen and why some people are....

I refuse to listen (sorry to whoever thinks this) to people who give advice on what to do to be "seen". It's trite.

I know it's rather upsetting and doesn't help your self-esteem at all. I know it sucks and is unfair. I know that deeds that are not acknowledged can really make you not want to bother...

And I have no real "advice" for you except to say that I sympathize. It kind of gets better in the way that you will accept it later in life. (I am not saying that it's inevitable that you will always be like this...please understand).

[Lydiari]

Thank you for the replies. It's hard for me to not help people because that is in me to be good. I love helping and making people smile. Maybe that is what makes me special in my own way. I spoke to my bf about this and he understands. The only thing is that I don't want problems because I don't want him to stop spending time with his brother, because she is always there, not to mention I don't want to create drama where I have to ask ''Let's hang out with him without her there''.

It helps a lot that I finally let this out... And to people outside of this circle. I don't feel so alone in this. I still have some time to find what I am good at... While I care a lot about other people, I also tend to focus more about them than myself. I like to think that I just haven't found the right people yet. I think... I just need to find things that make me happy. That's all that should matter. Not what they're doing but what I'm doing for me.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

If you are able to work it does seem like it would be healthier for you to spend less time there. You seem like a wonderful compassionate caring person. Have you ever considered looking into becoming a Home Health Aid? If you work thru an agency, they usually provide some training and direct you to certificate programs that are usually only a few sessions and are realitively cheap..some companies will also pay for these programs. Another way is to work independently. Families who need someone to help out eith their loved ones, will often post on craigslist, or ask around their local community/ senior centers. Sometimes this is listed as home health companion. I would reccomend inquiring at a senior center about opportunities. If you think this is something you would be interested in. I am a live in hone health companion for a family member and I find it to be such a blessing. Alot of the elderly who are not yet atvthe point that they need nursing care end up going into assisted living because their families are not able to afford the time to be around on a daily basis. Alot of theres individuals would kuch rather still be in their own homes and really just need someone to lend a hand around the house, prepare meals, run errands, sometimes transport them to and from appts, and most importantly have a kind compassionate person to spend time with them. Hope this is relavant helpful info for you. And as far as your sister in law is concerned.. even if her behavior is obnoxious she obviously has some self esteem issues to need to constantly be the center of attention. I think if you look at the dynamic from a slightly different angle.. you may just see an entirely different view. Hope all works out for the best. Looks fade, but inner beauty is eternal.

[mama pajama]

You all might not be as invisible as you think! I think that a lot of the time our subconscious only allows us to see 'proof' of the poor self image we have of ourselves. If we are feeling self conscious sometimes we put out the image that we don't want to engage in conversation. a lot of the time, the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

If you want to be more involved in conversations the best thing you can do is get others to talk about themselves. I've been a hairstylist for 20+ years and one thing that has remained consistent is people like to talk about themselves. Co-workers that only talk about themselves do not retain many clients. Listening to someone constantly talk only about themselves gets old, quick, no matter how awesome the stories are. If you know that your bf mom has a hobby or went on a trip, ask her about it! I swear she will be paying more attention to you.