I'm a miserable and bitter middle-aged man. I must come off like Statler or Waldorf from the Muppet Show.

Mental Illness doesn't mix well with it either. Even on meds, I'm still a downer. I've went back and re-read some of my posts and thought "damn, that's hateful". I'm sorry for that. No wonder I'm alone.

I know I'm not hurting anyone but myself. Everyone else is living their own lives and could care less while I live in a destructive self-imposed exile.

When I try to just let it all go, I fail miserably. I'm impeding my own progress in life while the years just trickle away. What a waste.

Someone once told me that if I turned all this negative energy into positive energy that I would be unstoppable. That hit me like a shock wave.

I'm sick of being bitter, hateful, alone, and ignored. I want to bring joy into other peoples lives.

Has anyone conquered this and how did you do it?

Thanks

[mindwrench]

I can relate to the feeling of years trickling away, I turned 40 this summer and I don't like looking at where I am in life. I can be pretty cynical and bitter at times.

[Perna]

"When you are being run out of town, get in front of it and make it look like a parade." I had a carry bag with that advice on it :-) I think to quit responding negatively, you have to get in front and be the action you want to see instead of just waiting around to comment on what is going on around you? Don't ignore yourself and get out there and invite people to do stuff; look at it positively when they say, "no" -- if the same person is always saying "no" you'll know to cross that person off your list of potential friends/people to hang with. Decide what you want to do and go do it instead of just being negative about what other people suggest? The rub is that it is harder to instigate than just sit back and comment.

[Thunder Bow]

What you disscribe is common depression. Probably rooted in your growing up, and family situation you grew up in. I assume you been in therapy.

[Skeezyks]

Hello The Green Manalishi: I'm sorry you are struggling. The Skeezyks is the bitter old geezer you don't want to turn into. Being there myself, I can certainly understand how you would feel that way. In my case, it's too late in life to do anything about it. It all just is what it is. I don't know how you overcome this. I wasn't able to. But I offer you my best wishes with the hope that you will be able to find your way to healing...

[QUOTE=Thunder Bow;5273852]What you disscribe is common depression. Probably rooted in your growing up, and family situation you grew up in. I assume you been in therapy.[/QUOTE

That's part of it, with a lot of help from me.

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello The Green Manalishi: I'm sorry you are struggling. The Skeezyks is the bitter old geezer you don't want to turn into. Being there myself, I can certainly understand how you would feel that way. In my case, it's too late in life to do anything about it. It all just is what it is. I don't know how you overcome this. I wasn't able to. But I offer you my best wishes with the hope that you will be able to find your way to healing...

Thanks for the advice and the well wishes.

I hope that YOU find some inner peace as well.

I understand so much of what you're saying. I'm well into middle age and have noticed I'm becoming more angry, tired and sick with the world. One thing I know is it gets especially bad when I'm feeding those feelings with negative thoughts. Shifting them in a more positive direction has become a daily practice, but sometimes even that doesn't work. There are times I have to tell myself to knock it off, because I'm becoming so exhausted, or simply accept the current situation for what it is.

At the heart of it though is a sense of shame and failure...it's as if I was born with those two feelings. And when I read your words I wanted to cry (don't worry you didn't upset me). I just understand the pain you're going through, and hope you'll give yourself a chance to realize you're more than those painful, angry feelings.

[Thunder Bow]

[quote=The Green Manalishi;5274223]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

What you disscribe is common depression. Probably rooted in your growing up, and family situation you grew up in. I assume you been in therapy.[/QUOTE

That's part of it, with a lot of help from me.

It is easy to get caught up in it. That is because that is the way for you and you family to relate to each other. It is away of getting connection, without exposing one self emotionally.

[QUOTE=Thunder Bow;5275567][quote=The Green Manalishi;5274223]

It is easy to get caught up in it. That is because that is the way for you and you family to relate to each other. It is away of getting connection, without exposing one self emotionally.[/QUOTE


It's my closest few that still breathe that I would rather not relate to. They're toxic and try to control everything. Unfortunately, I'm not in a situation where I can distance myself, and it's a constant struggle with a certain one. Everyone loves her and thinks she's Mother f'n Teresa. If I told people how she really can be, they wouldn't believe it because she directs her wrath at me and then plays the victim. The old battle axe deserves an Oscar nod.

I don't want to be alone, but at the same time I should probably accept that I might be for the rest of my life. I've tried to bury the negativity, put aside my own emotional torture, listen to the needs of others, but it's always the same result. I don't exist.

I wish I could help others on PC, but I am not good with words. I don't blame anyone else, I know it's me.

It's ok though, my account is scheduled for deletion.

Thanks to those who responded.

Neil Young's "The Loner" plays in the background.

Sorry you are leaving us

I read through your post and responses on this thread and it struck me how honest you are, and that takes bravery. I think 'owning' our own part played in our situation is a pivotal part of beginning to change it.

I have a dear friend who tells me very earnestly if I had met him 15 years ago I would not have liked him - I find this very hard to believe but he assures me it's true. He was at a place in life where he was unhappy and describes himself then as being "a miserable f*****".

It's hard for me to know how exactly he changed, but as he describes it following a very dramatic close call he realised how far off his life was from where he wanted it to be. He changed his job to one which fitted him better, he reassessed friendships and stopped pursuing toxic ones, he found that in he had more time then to meet new friends and develop those friendships. In short he changed his environment, it was his environment which was making him unhappy.

Peace to you

[Onward2wards]

Prefabsprout - thanks, good post.

I'm 49 and trying very hard to NOT turn into Ebenezer Scrooge. I never thought my mindset would devolve into this. I need to change ... well, pretty much everything about my life. I can't do the status quo anymore. It's robbing me of who I want to be. If you lose yourself, you lose everything.

I need to learn to love myself first before I can attain anything else. I will always be trapped, if I keep choosing to be.

I'm very resentful and angry all the time. I don't know why. I see nothing beautiful in life. I see all the people hypocrite who are after their own ego only. Nothing good is real. Everything good is fake.

I'm angry and bitter most of the time too. I channel that energy into humor and art and try to make something beautiful with it. It doesn't make me necessarily less angry, but it's at least something.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by The Green Manalishi

I'm a miserable and bitter middle-aged man. I must come off like Statler or Waldorf from the Muppet Show.

Mental Illness doesn't mix well with it either. Even on meds, I'm still a downer. I've went back and re-read some of my posts and thought "damn, that's hateful". I'm sorry for that. No wonder I'm alone.

I know I'm not hurting anyone but myself. Everyone else is living their own lives and could care less while I live in a destructive self-imposed exile.

When I try to just let it all go, I fail miserably. I'm impeding my own progress in life while the years just trickle away. What a waste.

Someone once told me that if I turned all this negative energy into positive energy that I would be unstoppable. That hit me like a shock wave.

I'm sick of being bitter, hateful, alone, and ignored. I want to bring joy into other peoples lives.

Has anyone conquered this and how did you do it?

Thanks

You don't look middle aged in your picture.
Have you ever read any AA literature? It has great advice on how to deal with resentment.

Originally Posted by leomama

You don't look middle aged in your picture.
Have you ever read any AA literature? It has great advice on how to deal with resentment.

I'm in my forties, although no one thinks so. It doesn't bother me so thanks for saying that!

No, I haven't read that, but maybe I should. Thanks.

[leomama]

I don't think of you as middle aged.
I have a little AA booklet that refers to resentment and I could take a picture of it and upload it.
Also I just got this link in my inbox to a Buddhist meditation on overcoming resentments

Finally I don't know if you have any concordances or even read scriptures, but that is another way to go too. I could start a thread for in the spiritual forum if you are interested.
Basically the solution is a spiritual one.

Originally Posted by leomama

I don't think of you as middle aged.
I have a little AA booklet that refers to resentment and I could take a picture of it and upload it.
Also I just got this link in my inbox to a Buddhist meditation on overcoming resentments

Finally I don't know if you have any concordances or even read scriptures, but that is another way to go too. I could start a thread for in the spiritual forum if you are interested.
Basically the solution is a spiritual one.

Not middle aged? That works too.

Thank you for your kindness and your offer, but my account is scheduled for deletion.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by The Green Manalishi

Not middle aged? That works too.


Thank you for your kindness and your offer, but my account is scheduled for deletion.

Ok, I'm sorry to hear that, should you change your mind or create a new one you are always free to pm me. I wish you luck.

Originally Posted by leomama

Ok, I'm sorry to hear that, should you change your mind or create a new one you are always free to pm me. I wish you luck.

You don't accept pm's. At least not from. I tried to send you one.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by The Green Manalishi

You don't accept pm's. At least not from. I tried to send you one.

I will add you as a contact and request a friendship too.