[fijiisland]

I see no other way out! They have controlled me for 40 years! Even when I lived on my own they were always in my face. I can't even touch a pan to a counter without getting yelled at. If I say I dont' like something , such as a spoon I am told I need to be committed! They treat me like crap in front of my kids so now my kids treat me like crap! I even hide trash in my bedroom and throw it away in public trash cans so they cant see what i threw away! I wear headphones watching tv so they can't hear it, because it someone on tv says a swear like hell or damn, they can't take it! I hide wine in my car ( i only drink about twice a year) because they will turn bright red and won't know what to do if they see me with wine.
I am beyond frustrated, i feel like I have lived in prison for years. i see no way out and nothing getting better until they are dead! They have completely ruined my life! i hide in my bedroom all day so I won't get all bent out of shape and even more depressed than i already am. when I look at them my day is ruined! I am at point where I see the only way out is to kill them

Hi there,

Why not just move out from their house?

Well, yes. You're a grown up. Move out. Accept the fact that it is their house their rules or cut loose the problem.

[Nammu]

I suspect that if your parents died your problems would still be there. Do you have a therapist you can talk to about these feelings?

[childofchaos831]

I am 33 years old, and also still live with my mother. My situation is not good either.

My T believes my mother is clinically narcissistic, and that my C-PTSD and DID are a result of her treatment of me.

However, because of the C-PTSD and DID, I am declared disabled and am unable to work enough to support myself. So, basically I am stuck in her house because of her treatment.

I understand the stuck feeling. I understand the hopelessness. I understand the want (need) to get out and never come back.

Is there someone IRL you can talk to about these feelings (the wanting them dead, wanting to hurt them) in a safe place? I don't know where you live, but where I am, those thoughts are considered extremely serious and concerning, in the same sense as feeling suicidal.

Is it possible to move out, or if you can't afford that, is there a shelter that you and your children could go to? Maybe an organization for abused women (Sorry if I am incorrect here) with children? Verbal and emotional abuse can have just as much damage, if not more, than physical abuse. If you have gotten to the point of having these thoughts, you need to get away from them, and cut off all contact, in any way possible.

Take care of yourself and your children.

Puck

---- warning, this is a blast ---------

Fijisland - if you are unable to provide for yourself, that is what disability assistance is for. Your assistance should be enough to move out and live on your own. The amount you are awarded to receive takes that into account - as does mine. I don't live in luxury but I live on my own - you ought to be doing so too. My question then is why do you feel you can't?

I feel very strongly about this, as you can tell. I really don't see the cause for complaining when a solution is immediately at hand. You live with your parents because it is convenient. Recognise you have the power to change your situation.

If you choose to still live with your parents, you must accept then their rules. It is your obligation.

I do in fact recognise the difficulty of living under a berating, bullying, life sucking relationship but my point is you need not live this way.

Am I to understand your children also reside with your parents? Put yourself in their shoes and consider what they are going through. I'm pretty sure they didn't anticipate being parents at this time of their lives.

[zijax]

I too want my parents to go on to their peaceful resting place and stop causing all the horror and chaos in my life. Fortunately I do not have to live with them but when I do have to be with them I use my coping mechanism from childhood of dissociation which is not always appropriate. I have accepted nothing will change . I limit involvement.

Can uou not extricate yourself from them? There must be a way. They are a poison.

[Thunder Bow]

Best to let go, and move out. Looks like they want you to move out on your own.

[-jimi-]

They may have caused you problems, but now they are your problems to fix. Life is unfair that way and the best thing you can do is accept it. That this is YOUR problem. If you had thought and acted in a different way, you had been out of that household ages ago. I think you need to analyze the problem, maybe with a counselor, WHY you are still in that situation.

A lot of things can be overcome. You just need to shine some light on them. You are an adult and you should live an adult, independent life. You should be able to watch TV and have a glass of wine.

Living in a crappy house in a crappy area is far better than living as a child as an adult. I think you spend too much time daydreaming how unrealistic things would fix this, like your parents' death, or money. There isn't a totally crappy life or a totally fabulous life. Real life is often somewhere inbetween. And there is no reason why you cannot have that kind of inbetween life.

Whatever things you do to make grand dreams come through, will only make you sink further. Set realistic goals.

Me, I would NEVER allow anyone to treat me like that. I would not turn to aggression but I would be forceful. I would not accept any house rules that were abusive, not even slightly so. I would rather live in a shelter than with abusive parents.

Yes, of course there are obstacles or you would be gone from there already. It is time to identify them and overcome them. It might take some time but it will be worth it.

If you want to and feel safe enough to, you can talk about the obstacles here.

Talk to your therapist, form a plan. get in touch with the Health Ministry (or whatever agency looks after assistance) and determine what you need to qualify and how to start the process. Talk to your psychiatrist and get them to sign whatever needs to be signed or is neccessary on their part. Contact the local mental health association for more help on this. They may too have listings of avalable housing.

Sit down and have a hard look at your situation and ask your self some tough questions:

- what are you getting out of your current living situation, what are you not, what is a detriment; what then needs to change?
- what can you do yourself; what do you need help with?
- what has been holding you back?

If you do nothing, nothing will happen. If you take action, it will.