Lonely

I've just felt extremely alone for a long time and I can't take this lonliness anymore. There's a lot of reasons I feel this way and it's too much. Then I just get really angry that I feel alone. I dont know what to do about this. Talking to other people is just really hard for me. I've been feeling so angry and alone I can't take it anymore. And I'm afraid to talk about feeling alone cause the fear of other people judging me for it like looking down on me for feeling certain things. I'm having a really hard day today. I've thought of killing myself a lot because I feel alone and for other reasons. I don't think I want to do that but I think about it a lot. I don't like talking about suicide but I thought I should maybe talk about it. This was hard for me to say cause me talking about suicide makes me feel uncomfortable.

Hello, ExplodingSun56. You have options. Volunteering is a good one. Maybe even a part-time job. Another option is seeking professional help.

What you are doing is not working. To get better you must change.

I wish you well.

No, don't feel ashamed, loneliness is a real thing and whoever says it isn't hasn't experienced it at the level some of us do. We're social cretures, we're built to seek connection for our optimal survival and we each have our own level of need in that respect so your feelings are valid. I feel much the same

Your not alone in feeling alone.
I don't know if that helps..but it is very frustrating..and depressing and people have told me to volunteer as well...and I just am too depressed to do so.

I have an alcohol problem so I went to AA the other day to combat the lonliness..

What type of family system do you have? Can you intergrain yourself back into some family relationships? I am trying that too...I see my sister and my niece more...its work too but I feel better afterwards.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much with loneliness. What people are there in your life? Do you have a family? Do they care about you? Or you just don't have anybody.. We're here for you if that can help.

People in my family don't seem to care very much or understand my problems. Family and certain friends I had like they way they talked to me it's like they tried to make me feel bad for feeling they way I feel about things. I'll try telling someone how I feel about something and they'll ask why in a really negative way towards me like why would you think like that or they'll just talk about how they're different and look down on me for thinking differently about something. Im gonna try to go see a therapist to talk to maybe they'll be more understanding about what im going through and can help me with some things.

Another thing is people I would hang out with didnt include me when we hung out so I don't feel like when they came to my house that they wanted to hang with me. Everyone talked to everyone else but I feel like they didnt really include me into the group. There were some times when they went somewhere cool together but I didn't get invited to go with them so I just felt left out. I was the new guy that moved into town and I feel like everyone who knows each other longer than me liked each other more than me and I really don't like being treated as a second option to someone. I really want to have a close friend to but I feel like no one really liked me that much. Everyone else was like best friends with each other but im just the new guy that hasnt known people as long and I just have a hard time connecting with other people.

The big reason I feel so unbearably lonely though the thing that bothers me the most is that I haven't really been with any girl and I don't know if any girl would like me. This is hard to talk about cause I feel like people look down on feeling alone cause of this. I didn't want to talk about this for a long time because I always felt ashamed for feeling alone because of this reason. I've been trying to finally talk about it more but its still hard to. I don't think anyone understands what I'm going through right now because of this. I want someone to like me and this is why I just can't take this lonliness anymore.

ExplodingSun56,

Im sorry you are exeperiencing lonlienss. I think you mentioned seeing a therpaist and it is a good place to start. Feelings aren't facts. They will pass. The more you fight the feeling and wish you didn't feel it anymore, it will continue to hover over you. I undertand you want someone to like you but it is more important you like yourself first. When you like yourself, you may feel less lonely, and find you don't have the need to feel liked all the time. Just my opinion

I feel the same as you do and my experience with talking about it has been similar.
Tbh I think people are a bit hypocritical in general when someone is saying they're lonely and hurting because they are lacking the affection, connection and intimacy that comes with a romantic relationship. As adults, that's the most intimate, most complete relationship one can have and we're biologically built to need it.

I think people are hypocritical when they don't understand it because while most people experience degrees of loneliness and being without a partner, the overwhelming majority don't go permanently without a partner, without meeting the needs that are met by having a partner. So they don't realize that they're taking it for granted.

I tried, for ex, talking with a couple of people about it and both were like oh no it's not big deal, you just have to be patient(I'm going to be 30 and I haven't had one kiss even, so I've been pretty patient), it's not that big a deal having someone, it's overrated, etc. All this while one of them got back with the ex she no longer loved and married him and lied to herself that she did love him, because she couldn't be alone for 6 months(now she's getting a divorce, it's only been a year) and my other friend has a long distance boyfriend and it completely changed her life and outlook on life and everything cause she had also been perpetually single til the age of 25.

Point is, people are minimizing the need for a partner, at least from time to time, while they themselves actually invest a lot in finding and maintaining a relationship. So if they don't understand, that's not because your feelings and needs aren't absolutely valid, it's because they're unable to imagine how it would be like to be in your place and so deprived. Don't let anyone make you feel ashamed for feeling this way.

Yeah I tried talking about it to some people and they just say I'll find someone one day but that doesn't help me find someone and I don't want to have to wait till im like 40 or something. And I feel like some people don't understand because they went through a lot breaking up with someone and they say that's worse but they don't know how bad I feel about this and I try having compassion for their problems but I don't think they're doing the same for me. People will say its better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel alone and that just makes it worse cause they don't understand how lonely I can feel never being with someone. I think they underestimate how bad someone can feel about this and I don't want to have to make someone else feel lonely but I can't take this anymore so I dont know what to do.