[seesaw]

I don't know what to do anymore. My work environment triggers me the second I get here every day.

This morning I sat down at my desk and a wave of depression came over me and all of a sudden I'm feeling suicidal. I'm trying so hard to get along, be positive, follow the rules, follow the chain of command...I feel like I'm in a cage...I don't know what I'm allowed to do or not do anymore since I got this new supervisor. And then they make me feel stupid for outright asking.

The anxiety, agitation, paranoia, depression, anger...I can't handle these overwhelming emotions coming from nowhere anymore. I thought I had a good handle on things, but all through April, I just fell apart.

I see my pdoc on Wednesday, but I don't know if I'll still be around for that.

Seesaw

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a horrible time. Can you take off until you see your pdoc Wednesday? Please hold on. Help is on the way. Take it one breath and one step at a time. Vent here as much as you need to. Please be gentle with yourself and take care. Hugs coming your way.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm sorry you're having such a horrible time. Can you take off until you see your pdoc Wednesday? Please hold on. Help is on the way. Take it one breath and one step at a time. Vent here as much as you need to. Please be gentle with yourself and take care. Hugs coming your way.

I wish I could take off, but if I'm not in the office they are going to push me out even faster than they are trying to right now.

Part of my depression feelings right now are because of the hostile situation at work right now. But I can't take off because that will give them ammunition to get rid of me.

I don't know what to do. I cannot do this much longer.

Seesaw

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry. Please, try to hang on, at least up until you meet your PDoc again. Take care

[seesaw]

I'm trying...I feel so hopeless though. And I have to go to meetings this afternoon. I don't know how I'm going to put on a happy face and fake it. I'm so tired of faking it. I'm sick. People know I'm sick, why should I have to pretend I'm not?

I'm so sorry you're going through this at work. People can be so mean and inconsiderate. I don't know if this will help you but sometimes it helps me to take deep breaths and tell myself that I forgive them. Feel free to PM me anytime. {Big Hugs}

[Hopeofreedom]

Please don't do anything harmful!!! We love you here! And I would miss your posts,so much! When your home for work do some immediate self-care 😙💚....your worth it!!I! Glad your going to see the pdoc.

[neverless*]

i feel for you. please try to hang on until you see your doc. i'm seeing mine tomorrow about worsening depression, i know it can be difficult, feel impossible to have hope, and mornings are always the worst. it may have something to do with peak levels of stress hormone early in the day. hugs.

Originally Posted by seesaw

I don't know what to do anymore. My work environment triggers me the second I get here every day.

This morning I sat down at my desk and a wave of depression came over me and all of a sudden I'm feeling suicidal. I'm trying so hard to get along, be positive, follow the rules, follow the chain of command...I feel like I'm in a cage...I don't know what I'm allowed to do or not do anymore since I got this new supervisor. And then they make me feel stupid for outright asking.

The anxiety, agitation, paranoia, depression, anger...I can't handle these overwhelming emotions coming from nowhere anymore. I thought I had a good handle on things, but all through April, I just fell apart.

I see my pdoc on Wednesday, but I don't know if I'll still be around for that.

Seesaw

Sometimes when a work environment is unjust for to long, we find ourselves at the "point of no return." In other words, even if they clean up their act, you will still have anger about what has already been done to you.

Unless you have a complaint in process that might go your way (from what you have described they will never admit it voluntarily), the only way to lessen the stress may be to quit or change jobs. You are smart--if you think you have a good case with a chance then maybe tough it out. Otherwise, if you can (financially), I recommend running!

No job is worth the kind of stress you are going through. I hope they pay!

[BlueEyedMama]

I hope that you are feeling a little better today. Hang in there hon just one more day until you see your PDoc. I am really sorry for all that work is putting you through and I wanted to let you know that I really respect and admire you for how you are handling it all. You are an advocate for yourself, for others at your job who have disabilities and even for those here who find themselves in similar situations and who perhaps haven't found their voice. You posting what you are going through takes courage as does sticking up for your rights at work. I know that it feels hopeless right now but I for one have got to believe that all your effort WILL pay off. You are a strong woman. Draw on that strength and get through to your appointment with your PDoc tomorrow and go from there. *hugs*

Please, please update when you can. I can't imagine what your going through, however, I do know that nobody/nothing in this life is worth such pain/despair. Ayou matter and are cared about. I hope you have a good support system irl, as well as here.

Peace

[tryingtobeconstruct]

I'm going to ask the obvious question: how bad would your life be if you quit? What if you gave your two weeks notice right now?

I'm guessing that one of the problems would be sudden poverty. However, would it really be so sudden? Maybe it would actually be a month until you don't get a paycheck.

Meanwhile your spirits and energy might go way up, which would help you find something else, if only something to survive on. Temp agencies are always looking for people.

I've only once quit a job without having another one lined up, and I've never regretted it. I have, however, deeply regretted staying in miserable jobs just because I didn't have something lined up.

Please know that I'm not judging or telling you what to do. I'm just putting forth some things to think about.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by tryingtobeconstruct

I'm going to ask the obvious question: how bad would your life be if you quit? What if you gave your two weeks notice right now?

I'm guessing that one of the problems would be sudden poverty. However, would it really be so sudden? Maybe it would actually be a month until you don't get a paycheck.

Meanwhile your spirits and energy might go way up, which would help you find something else, if only something to survive on. Temp agencies are always looking for people.

I've only once quit a job without having another one lined up, and I've never regretted it. I have, however, deeply regretted staying in miserable jobs just because I didn't have something lined up.

Please know that I'm not judging or telling you what to do. I'm just putting forth some things to think about.

I appreciate the perspective you are trying to give, and I have considered it, but I do not have a savings to live off of, and I have rent and bills to pay. It's not going to be two weeks without a job. A job search in my field takes 6-9 months.

So I have to stick it out here until I can move on. So I'm just trying to manage my stress and the situation as best I can. And I'm also just trying to pick my battles, because so much of it is not worth it, especially if I'm not staying...

And, btw, the local museum is looking for someone who does my job, and I have loads of museum experience at a prestigious international museum, so I'm hoping that maybe I get a hit there.

Thanks for sharing your insight, everyone.

I still do feel rather hopeless, but I'm fighting it by trying to continue to eat well, stay active, and just remain task oriented on the job right now, and not get into social situations, because that's where I start to fall apart.

Thanks,
Seesaw

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

Sometimes when a work environment is unjust for to long, we find ourselves at the "point of no return." In other words, even if they clean up their act, you will still have anger about what has already been done to you.

Unless you have a complaint in process that might go your way (from what you have described they will never admit it voluntarily), the only way to lessen the stress may be to quit or change jobs. You are smart--if you think you have a good case with a chance then maybe tough it out. Otherwise, if you can (financially), I recommend running!

No job is worth the kind of stress you are going through. I hope they pay!

You are so right. There is no going back. I do have two federally filed complaints against them, and both my disability advocate and my doctor think I have a good chance of winning those complaints. My doctor also believes I have a case for a civil suit. I'm not sure I want to take it that far. I kind of just want them to learn how to deal with MI disabilities and let me do my work. But I don't think that's going to happen. There's too much ego floating around for this to end amicably.

Seesaw