In the relationship forum, I wrote about my recent break up with my boyfriend.

Now I cannot eat, I cannot focus, I have a constant feeling of anxiety and panic, and I'm depressed. I don't know how to shift my focus back to work and actually be productive. My emotional upset has interfered entirely with my ability to function.

I finally forced myself to eat some cereal, and will have to force feed myself dinner. But I am devastated to say the least, over what he has done to me and I feel punched in the stomach, like the wind was knocked out of me. I cannot cope with this at all. All the lies.... the conning, and I fed right into ALL of it. I believed his lies and I believed that he's never loved anyone more, which wasn't true at all.

How do I cope??? How do I function again?

[Sunflower123]

((((Hugs))))

[divine1966]

I am sorry you are hurting and it will get better soon. Saying all that, how does he measure love? What’s more or less? Why is he even comparing like that? He has no common sense. Take your time, grieve and you’ll be better

[FallDuskTrain]

I hate this for you! I am so sorry. The beginning of any loss is the worst part of the pain but the good news is that the initial stage is ‘the worst’. It does get better. You know that ; however there is no timeline (although a TV show character had said that it takes about 10K drinks to get over someone )
Can you take few days off work and get away? Go any where that is not your routine. I consider this type of personal problem equivalent to getting sick. I hope you have some sick days to use. Right now, YOU should be your main priority. Not work, not anyone else. Just you attending to your needs.
On the other hand, work could distract you from the stab in your stomach; although that might lead to you repressing your pain, which might delay the recovery process.
I have no idea how you would cope.... I do only one thing in these situations: embrace the pain and the sand dunes in my heart because they aren’t going away. It doesn’t make it easier but it makes it more transparent and real. Meaning, it somehow helps the acceptance process.
I am here if and whenever you want to talk.

[continuosly blue]

I really feel for you. I felt exactly the same way when my wife of over 30 yrs.
told me not to touch her anymore and wanted me gone. And not even telling me why ! I felt like you. I couldn’t do anything. I wound up at the edge of a cliff.
The whole bottom line was that I had to go through a process of grief and pain.
There’s no getting around it if your any type of person who has feelings.
You must learn to just focus on yourself. You have to get into self preservation mode. You must eat. You must work, ( if you have to and need the money! ) Stay in the present. Stay in the moment. Focus on your breathing.
Mindfulness was the answer for me. Whatever happened in the past is gone.
Just go through the pain once. Not over and over again every day.
Force yourself to survive. You will get through this , and you’ll be a much stronger person for it. Best to you.

@Divine -- thank you. I don't know why he's comparing but it wasn't a nice comment to make to me for certain. In fact, it was cruel to make that comparison to me.

@Falldusktrain --- thank you as well. If I don't work, then I will perserverate on this too much. Then again, I am having trouble focusing on work at all, so I can't win.
Argh. I did manage to eat yesterday, so that's good.

@continuously_blue -- thank you, too. your advice is great -- now to only just implement it. My mind constantly wanders to him and wants to focus on him. I have to consciously divert my attention back to the present. I have heard of mindfulness, and I've heard it's helped people in many ways. You're right -- I need to force survival now. This is self preservation.

I've been crafting an email I want to send to him in case he writes me and wants to try to mend things. I basically am slamming him down for any chance of that. I've been re-reading it all day long, tweaking it to make it just right. I need to put this aside and not focus on it today. That will be my goal. I am obsessing and these thoughts are not helping me. :/

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

I'm really distressed that this has happened to you.

You're a beautiful person. It shines out of everything you say and do. You don't deserve this.

The thing about loving his ex more sounds like normal breakup nonsense. He's just trying to lash out and hurt you.

Most of us have been where you are, and understand how horrible it is.

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

I'm really distressed that this has happened to you.

You're a beautiful person. It shines out of everything you say and do. You don't deserve this.

The thing about loving his ex more sounds like normal breakup nonsense. He's just trying to lash out and hurt you.

Most of us have been where you are, and understand how horrible it is.

TY so much Purple. I think he was just trying to hurt me because he was mad. It truly is horrible --- day 3 of not being able to do a single ounce of work. I am livid. I have written an email to him if he ever tries to get back together with me....... I will confront him with all his lies and will let him have it. He deserves it.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

It's 100% said to hurt you.

He'll reach in deep and come up with the thing he knows will get to you most.

I could tell you some horrible insults I've had in this situation. The phrases do stick in your mind. Interestingly, the decent men, I would part on good terms with. It's the crap ones who lash out like this.

The email sounds like a good idea. Have it all in black and white, then you won't have to keep rehearsing it in your head.

Big hugs. I feel so awful for you.

Yes, it's the crap ones who lash out like that.And yes, it has stuck in my mind and hurts like hell. I do have it all in black and white writing. I cannot wait to send it to him..... I am just waiting waiting waiting for the moment he emails me. I have GOT to distract myself, but I cannot at all. This is the worst ever. TY for your compassion. (((((((Hugs)))))

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

It'll get better every day. Before you know it, you'll be thinking WTF?

Yep, keep hanging in there, Eve. The panic and pain will fade, and you'll be stronger for it. You're already such a resilient, strong person. You got this. And we have your back.

thank you both.... you're right. I know you are. In time, I will definitely be saying WTF???? I just HATE that I have to go through the pain until then. ARGH!!!!! And thank you, Bjornen, for saying I'm strong and resilient. I don't feel it right now, but I can be when I need to be. Thank you for having my back. ((((((hugs))))))

I just want to scream right now though. I want to send him this email sooooo badly and just SLAM HIM for all it's worth. But I must be patient.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Pain, anger, denial cycles are common when it comes to breakups. It might be worth keeping an eye out for that. You can find yourself thrust helplessly from one to the other (always in that order). So, don't give yourself a hard time when the denial comes. That was my experience, anyway. Enormous hugs to you.

Thanks, Purple, and thanks for the big hugs. Lord knows, I need them right now.

I am sure I will go through all those stages. Right now, it's anger and outrage.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Good! That will give you strength. What an idiot he is to let you go.

He sure is!!!! One big fat idiot.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Big stupid blind ridiculous foolish idiot!

YES and then some!!!!!!!! He is going to regret this.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

A lot......

YEP. He will pay for it bitterly once he is all alone again with no one.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

You'll be over him, and feel nothing.

Yes, eventually I will. I hope that to be sooner than later. Indifference is what I want to feel.

Ugh. Right now I am in so much emotional pain over this breakup. I cannot handle it. He was so special to me for many reasons, then he turns out to be a big fat liar in so many ways. I fear that I won't be able to ever find true love again, let alone, someone who will want to marry me one day. He wanted to marry me. The pain I feel is piercing. I cannot stop thinking about him -- it's constant. I don't know how to even carry on. I had to take today off again from work -- tomorrow too.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

So sorry, dear Eve.

Time off work is good. Let the pain come, if you can. Talk about it to anyone who'll listen. You're still in terrible shock, poor thing.