Falling through the cracks...

Maybe people don't think I am in danger because I have healthy coping techniques in place. Also, I have never been hospitalized or even gone to the ER for mental disorders.

In the past my mental problems showed up in physical ways. But now I am physically extremely healthy.

It seems kind of ironic that physically I am probably the healthiest I have ever been while mentally I am at my worse. But I guess it doesn't show.

If something happens to me people will just say, "Oh, she was battling depression."

I am falling through the cracks.

How is it possible that everyone keeps thinking I am coping okay when I am not? I am falling through the cracks.

Don't let your loved ones fall through the cracks. Don't pretend there is nothing wrong because of the fear of asking them how they are really doing.

Dechan,
Loved ones sometimes miss out on signs and then feel awful forever about it. Don’t fall through the cracks. Ask someone for help. Tell a loved one that you are struggling. Find a way to get a support system, therapist, doctor and anything else you need to start feeling like yourself again! I’m here if you need a talk.
Sans

I did everything you said. My friends and family know exactly what is happening to me. I did communicate all last year with my primary doctor, counselors, therapists, and a psychiatrist. As well, I called hotlines, and came on here and posted. I literally do not think I am going to last until the end of 2018. I think I am going to have an accident or a heart attack. I don't care. I cannot sustain a life where I am suffering without relief. No one (of friends, family, medical professionals) seems to take me seriously, it seems, and they expect me to cope on my own.

Now I am going to church (twice a week) and putting my things in order. I don't want to leave a mess behind to burden others. They all have busy lives.

It is often a matter of people passing the buck...no one wants to step up and really help out. I truly don't know why I am still alive except that maybe God has a purpose for me to still be here.

Hi DechanDawa. I hope you're keeping yourself grounded through everything, hang in there please. I'm sorry about me misunderstanding you and getting angry, it's a grave shortcoming of mine, oh dear. I've tried to reply to the last two PM's you sent me but I keep getting this message when I attempt to respond: "DechanDawa has chosen not to receive private messages or may not be allowed to receive private messages. Therefore you may not send your message to him/her."

I can only guess, but maybe I'm on your ignore list? I don't know. If I am I accept that, but if I'm not I'd like to try and be a supportive friend and reply to your PM's. Your struggles aren't going over my head.

Yes probably physically you’re showing everyone around you that you are well. The stereotypical person that has major MH issues....well they look like their about to lose it.
Either you are a well oiled machine or you have parts in you that are very well hidden. Those parts of you are reaching out for help, but maybe not hard enough.

I remember being very sick in my teens & early 20’s. I was sinking fast & knew that I needed help or I’d end up dead.
I specifically remember my mom asking me, “do you think you’re going to harm yourself?” I knew she was talking to a shrink. I wasn’t diagnosed.
I knew I could lie & just stay home & suffer, but for some reason I said yes, I’m going to harm myself bec somehow I knew there’d be help for me. I went into my first hospitalization. I was taken seriously.

You sound very serious DechanDawa & it’s time to reach further for help. You need to tell your T & pdoc that you have full plans. Now you might not, but they will take you seriously & get you the help you need even if that’s a hospitalization it gets you the attention that this deserves.
So please reach out further for help. Tell them just how serious this is!!
Please. Wish you the best outcome.

No, you are not on my ignore list. I did at one point edit my options to not receive any personal messages from anyone...but then I went back in, I thought, and revised it. It could be because you unfriended me! I think my options are now for contacts and admn. I will change it to everyone. I don't unfriend people when we have little misunderstands. I may put them on my ignore list for awhile. I think that's better than unfriending someone....because, after all...here on Psych Central everyone can get triggered and we need to be understanding. But I didn't unfriend you and I don't have you or anyone on my ignore list. Did you get my PM sent today?

Well, I would not lie and say I have "full plans" because I don't. I would say I have passive ideation. Everyone knows this about me. Hospitalization isn't going to help. I am not on medication. I don't want to be on medication. I guess what I want is follow-up. I guess I wish my doctor had told me to email her in a month or so.

Actually, I don't know what I want.

I also had a "freak out" in high school. My mother sent me to a therapist and for some reason he called me a "brat" and I refused to see him again. Then my mother took me out of school and sent me to live with my brother and his wife for a few weeks. They lived in a big city. I went to museums everyday. We cooked. They let me have a glass of wine with dinner. That was my "therapy" and it worked.

Maybe I am a "well-oiled" machine.

In the past I coped by doing unhealthy crap but now I am so physically healthy I barely recognize myself. I am not even certain what healthy coping should look like. At this point I am very "contained" and only speak from my heart here on Psych Central.

I am certain most people would not see a mentally "freaked out" person when looking at me.

Hi. Okay I understand what you're saying. Yes I did receive your PM today, very nice thank you, but I couldn't reply to it for the reason I just mentioned. Sorry for unfriending you, I thought you'd blocked me or something when I initially tried to apologize, and so I thought, okay, we mustn't be friends. I overreact sometimes, it's just my way. But I'm thinking more clearly now, so...I'll add you as friend and see how it goes from there.

I don’t really have any words of wisdom ... if I write more I’ll probably delete it anyway. It’s a horrible feeling falling through the cracks It’s somewhat similar to “being lost in the system”

Please keep posting, I’m listening together with others in this thread. Or I’ll be back tomorrow. I don’t know what to suggest re “therapy” etc...

No, I didn't block you. I think I blocked everyone but administration. I was putting myself in the ivory tower. But then I thought better of it so came out of the ivory tower. I don't like to disengage from Psych Central even when I feel I am being overly dramatic and crazy. Now I have set my options so that anyone can PM me.

Oh, I wish you would write more and not delete. I know everyone wishes you would write more. You and I have always kind of been on the same page...not really feeling helped by the system. I so appreciate your presence here...as does...everyone!

I honestly, honestly don't know what I want.

Sometimes I wish I could just go back into my bad habits. But they always made me feel physically bad...and now I am really dedicated to staying healthy. Bad habits hurt me physically and I don't want that.

I am sorry. I feel at my wit's end. I wish I could just take "time off" to figure things out...but my financial situation is in crisis. I couldn't even be hospitalized as I could not afford the medical bills. Also, I live alone...so no one would pay my bills, rent etc. I actually don't feel like I have the luxury to be mentally compromised...

but I am.