[Aviza]

I feel like if I truly let this guy go I'll be alone forever. My car broke down again, I need my mom to give me a ride to pick it up if it ever gets done but she has pneumonia now and can't drive. So than I'll ask my brother, but if I'm on my own she hates helping me now no one would be there for me. I can't get to the doctor to get my blood levels checked, it's in a different county so the medical van needs 3 days and my appointment is every 2. I haven't made one and I have one tonight I'm hoping I can make. They' re calling me with how important it is but I don't have transportation. My mom is telling me how stupid I am to have a doctor in a different county, they moved their office and I liked the doctor.

I just have so much stress right now. I know the boyfriend or ex or whatever he is these days is a wash because he's in a pile of crap himself and can't dig out right now and getting depressed which he isn't treated for. My mom thinks I can do better, but I don't really know. I've been divorced 3 times, I'm mentally ill, I don't parent my own child. I have my own red flags that any normal man would run from. I was honest with this guy and he stuck around until mom made it impossible for me to see him. Now he's having 2nd thoughts. Yeah and I'm tied to my family. I don't want to be in a relationship with my mom for the rest of my life. I want a man.

[MickeyCheeky]

It seems like your mother is being too controlling.. this is your life and you need to decide what to do with it.
What does your mother has against this guy you're dating?

[Aviza]

They got in a fight and hate each other now. She doesn't respect anyone especially me and he got frustrated seeing her mistreatment of me. Yelled at her she kicked him out and that has lead to the demise. She says there's too many red flags with him. He's currently working part time while he farms. He got angry at her, and he doesn't want to come up anymore. He would if i lived alone. But i cant do that right now. And she told me to go move in with him or break up with him. I told her I broke up but now were talking again but it's iffy.

[Aviza]

Well he's done he says because he doesn't think I stand up to my mom. I'm just trying to listen to her now. She's usually right but I don't like being single I've gone through long dry spells finally met someone he was a con now I thought I met a descent guy. But he quit talking to me. I know i have to let him go. But i dont want to. I usually do the breaking up. Well i believe its really over now.

[divine1966]

When you are in a situation where you have no job (or not enough) no place to live no transportation you likely to meet someone who is just like that. No car no job and place to live. Please work on your life first. You can do it.

Now why don’t you take an Uber or taxi to see your doctor?

Ps not sure why you are saying he is decent guy. He isn’t.

You need to make your life better for yourself, so that you can attract someone who is better than what you had.

[Aviza]

What do you mean. I have a job, a car it's just broken right now. I work part time for a lawyer I'm on disability. I'm catching up on bills from my breakdown from being unemployed for a year because I was crazy. I'm college educated, religious. Yet I don't meet college educated religious guys.

I think it's a really natural thing to feel like you are going to be forever alone after a breakup. Breakups are incredibly disappointing and sad (its like going through withdrawal). Don't believe your depression and despair though. You will find someone who is a good fit for you someday. I have read some of your posts and to me, it sounded like he was not a good guy (your ex). Also, I think its great that you are close with your family. It sounds like your mom cares about you, too. You honestly sound like you have a lot going for you: a part time job at a lawyers office, disability (stepping stone), intelligent, religious....if you want to meet college educated religious guys who treat you well, make that your standard and don't settle for less. Just because Mr. Right isn't knocking down your door right now, that doesn't mean you should get involved with Mr. Wrong right now. I think there are a lot of ways someone can make themselves more desirable, and to meet more people (and feel good in the process). I'm working on some of these myself: self esteem, becoming more involved in the community (taking classes, volunteering, joining a club, etc), taking care of mental health and presenting to the world in a clean and positive way. Don't let the breakup / despair thoughts get you down.

Originally Posted by Aviza

What do you mean. I have a job, a car it's just broken right now. I work part time for a lawyer I'm on disability. I'm catching up on bills from my breakdown from being unemployed for a year because I was crazy. I'm college educated, religious. Yet I don't meet college educated religious guys.

I did not know these things about you. I have to ask then, why are you wasting your time chasing after a guy who dumped you, doesn't have the money to fix his own car, etc., instead of looking for someone better?

[Aviza]

I loved a lot about him. Love is a rare find.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Aviza

I loved a lot about him. Love is a rare find.

Why is it rare find?

Originally Posted by ForWhatItsWorth2U

You need to make your life better for yourself, so that you can attract someone who is better than what you had.

I agree with this 100%. I do not know for sure but I assume you live with your mother, and are dependent on her help. This needs to change. Until you are able to move out on your own and become self-sufficient, your mom will be a weight that ties you down. She will likely push away any other would-be suitors that she does not find to her liking.

Get your own life in order, and your options for potential partners will increase dramatically. Until then, you will likely only attract those with their own severe problems and your mother will not find them to be suitable for you.

[Fuzzybear]

You’re likely to attract someone “better”, kinder etc (if you work on you etc..)

[Aviza]

Because I rarely love people. I started to think I only loved my dad, I really questioned if i could love. And him I love.

[divine1966]

You love your daughter, don’t you? Make parenting her a priority.

[Aviza]

Yes I love my daughter I barely get to see her and she's nearly grown. It broke my heart to lose custody and I thought I'd die than. It's been 10 years. She doesn't even want to see my side of the family. I need more than her in my life. And I'm not asking for advice on my daughter. Quit bringing her up. I'm doing all I can, I paid a virtual ransome to see her.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Aviza

Yes I love my daughter I barely get to see her and she's nearly grown. It broke my heart to lose custody and I thought I'd die than. It's been 10 years. She doesn't even want to see my side of the family. I need more than her in my life. And I'm not asking for advice on my daughter. Quit bringing her up. I'm doing all I can, I paid a virtual ransome to see her.

I am sorry. I only brought her up because you said you don’t love anyone but your dad and this man. Of course we need more than kids in life.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I think it's a really natural thing to feel like you are going to be forever alone after a breakup. Breakups are incredibly disappointing and sad (its like going through withdrawal). Don't believe your depression and despair though. You will find someone who is a good fit for you someday. I have read some of your posts and to me, it sounded like he was not a good guy (your ex). Also, I think its great that you are close with your family. It sounds like your mom cares about you, too. You honestly sound like you have a lot going for you: a part time job at a lawyers office, disability (stepping stone), intelligent, religious....if you want to meet college educated religious guys who treat you well, make that your standard and don't settle for less. Just because Mr. Right isn't knocking down your door right now, that doesn't mean you should get involved with Mr. Wrong right now. I think there are a lot of ways someone can make themselves more desirable, and to meet more people (and feel good in the process). I'm working on some of these myself: self esteem, becoming more involved in the community (taking classes, volunteering, joining a club, etc), taking care of mental health and presenting to the world in a clean and positive way. Don't let the breakup / despair thoughts get you down.

This is very important sound advice, I urge you to acknowledge it. I know people say "you have to love yourself in order to love someone else," and although that is a very true statement, when you are stuck in a loop of denial and pining for someone, you don't see it, and see them as the "only" one that will ever love you.

I am no one to pass judgement, I was OBSESSED with a man for years that had NO intention of ever giving me any kind of love of support back. I went so far with my absolute obsession, that even after he changed his number and had a restraining order, I found myself writing countless letters to him hoping he would change his mind about things. So, yeah I know what it like to have this distorted view of someone and then take it to a whole other level.

All I am saying is, you have to really re-define what happiness means for you. Being in a relationship is wonderful, but being one does not equal self-love and instant happiness. And if you can find that happiness within yourself, you will be surprised how much of a magnet that is for the one you are truly looking for,

[Aviza]

We are talking again, my fault. I know I need to be final and end it but I just can't. I'm keeping it from my mom too. I'm have been looking into rooms to rent, they are too expensive! It's a fricken room! I did find one but it's in a different county, my county workers are telling me I need to stay in this county. I can't afford to. But my job isn't definite yet so I don't want to jump ship right this second.