No, I'm Not Coping ... I'm Simply Letting Go

I'm not coping. Just finished a PHP and I learned a lot....but it's like I've learned nothing. I still feel bad, I still have no clue, I still have the thoughts and all the mindfulness, distractions, redirecting and breathing/meditating in this world won't help, can't help.

I'm taking charge from here on out. I'm not listening to them cause clearly they weren't listening to me. No more meds, no more therapy, no more of this vicious cycle. I get to pick. It's my turn now.

I lost an uncle a year ago. He was very ill and lived in an assisted living facility. It was clear that he had "Let Go". He stopped all life sustaining meds, food, therapy, treatment etc... he simply "Let Go" and in less than 3 months....he was free...gone. Never using a gun, taking pills or swinging from a rope...he simply "Let Go".

Dear God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, give me the courage and strength to....simply "Let Go".

This certainly seems more like giving up than letting go. You're letting your problems take control over your. I'm going to have to say "yikes!"

I guess I am. Now to just wait and see if I will be as fortunate as my uncle. He let go and in less than 3 months, his illnesses took him out of the game. Fate please be kind.

It's a choice to give up. It's a choice to go down an ever-darkening hall with only yourself to blame at the end. I'm sorry that you're failing yourself and your purpose in life. Being miserable is a terrible choice in my opinion

Just choose life that's all. The emotional aspects are very difficult at times, the psychological battles, hard, but look at the wise old owl in your avatar pictures: he just keeps flying from one tree to the next, sailing on the breeze. That's what we should do. Metaphorically speaking.

Hugs.. I don’t understand the word. But you’re my friend (online anyway)

Life is a ****

You can start letting go, by letting go of worries and all the anxiety that goes with them. You may surprised that you are still alive, but in a better frame of mind.

Thank you for this. I truly appreciate your sharing with me.

That would be nice. I am currently out numbered by the stressers. Crap is coming at me non-stop, the universe hates me or I just don't belong in it. I hate life, I hate life but am ever grateful for the experience, but it's not for me. I have felt this way for as long as I can remember, even as a child, but the brain aneurysm has awaken me to what could have been and when I compare it to now...I wish I had died then.

I decided to live with my health issues that can be fatal if not managed....Ive got a ticking time bomb in the middle of my chest (thoracic aorta aneurysm) and my valves aren't in good shape either....my thought is, not to interfere with nature and let natural causes do what it was trying to do some 7 years ago. I could very well live for years without meds, but I am not going to do anything to discourage what would happen naturally. I feel that my meds are prolonging/interfering with my would be demise. I'm not trying to buy time, I just don't want it.

I don't think anyone will understand me, I'm just being honest with myself. I'm not so selfish as to take my own life (although I think I am very capable of doing so) and leave my family/friends distraught as to why (though they are aware that I want to) they would never understand the act and I could never purposely inflict that pain on them. I love them and they me, I truly believe they do. My way, allowing natural causes to take me out, would make everyone happy and no one would feel their to blame...not even me.

There are people who have cancer, and so many cancer's are curable yet some cancer patients choose not to have chemo or treatment, they just want to live out the time they have left...well, I've got some pretty good life threatening illnesses/mental illness that I am simply choosing not to treat. Just gonna live out the time I have left... years, months or even days.

Thank you for sharing. Your words (and all those who have shared) are kind and make me feel accepted and welcomed. I don't want to be alone and I want to be heard. So again, thank you to all that shared with me....You are all priceless

It’s your choice lanza, and when we say that your desire to slip away into death is, let’s say, not the best path, we, at least I, don’t do it for us. It’s not to save us the grief of losing you from these forums(though you would be greatly missed). We voice our concerns because we fear you may not be thinking straight, or the mental illness itself has taken over your senses.
I can appreciate your sentiment towards your ‘solution’, it’s ultimately up to you and we must respect that, but your idea of this fairytale ending, a neat and tidy demise where no one gets hurt and everyone is happy seems to me...unrealistic.
I hope you find peace lanza, whatever form it takes. We’re just not as excited about it as you.

I thank you Reptile for sharing. I get it, I really do. You make a very good point and I agree that the only one I am saving from grief of my absence in any forum or other form of presence is me. Thank you for respecting my idea. I'm not trying to get a point across, or prove anything, punish anyone or rebel...just being true to me, not to be contrary and indifferent. I fully understand that what I said &, how I feel comes come across as incoherent garble, the rantings of a madwoman, and yes, I'm depressed beyond my own comprehension but I've never felt more sane or in control than I do now.

Whether any one cared or not had nothing to do with me posting. Just needed a "safe" place to voice my heart, how I plan to cope with this nightmare and what would make me happy. It's clear that what I shared is very disturbing to the reader (no emotional attachment and justifiably so) but for me, it is a sound solution and I believe that fairy tales do come true. Misguided? no, sadly mistaken? yes.

Whether any one cared or not had nothing to do with me posting. Having said all of this, I apologize to those that were bothered by what I posted and sorely regret having done so.

I strongly agree with this.