Keep changing my mind. Worried what people think.

I have a lot of goals, and little motivation. In terms of long terms goals with things like work and school, I keep changing my mind, too. One day I will want to take one type of class, the next, I want to stick with something else that I'm already doing. I was planning on moving forward with a college class this fall, but with the cost $ and the anxiety I experienced, I decided not to. I don't regret this.

I am not able to write this all out, due to emotional stress writing it. But I have changed my mind SO much this summer on the subject(s) I would focus on... Even with just community classes and MOOC (free online) classes. It is hard to just stick with something.

It has been so stressful for me to keep changing my mind. I personally think I need to make a commitment and stick with it. Even when I don't want to and times get tough. Which they will.

I've realized this (that I need to stick with something and make a commitment), and am in that process right now. Edit: I really do have such a hard time choosing and sticking to something. How do I choose and stick with something?

My problem with this though, is that I'm REALLY concerned about what people think about me that I keep changing my mind. A few weeks ago, I told my friend I'm taking a certain class. I was so excited about it so I'm embarrassed to say I'm not taking it anymore. She brought it up today and was like, "that sounds so fun." I didn't have the guts to tell her I decided not to take it. My therapist also mentioned to me, when I said I'm not taking it anymore "But you were so excited about it. What changed?" Which made me feel badly and like a crazy person.

I feel this DEEP need to apologize to others for my changing mind and choices. But when I write that out, I think maybe that's silly. I do not need to apologize to others for what I choose to do with my life. Even if it's confusing to them, or disappointing to them. I think I just worry what others think of me.

I also felt annoyed when my therapist asked me what changed? Because it didn't feel important, I needed to talk to her about something important, and I couldn't because she wanted to know "what changed?" And I couldn't think. I don't think I need to explain myself to others if I don't want to. Even my therapist.

Thanks for listening. I could use some support.

Changing my mind is something I've always struggled with. One psychiatrist I saw suggested there might be "a bipolar element" to what has gone on with me. And, in retrospect, I can see where my "sudden flashes of inspiration" could perhaps be explained as being episodes of hypomania. I'd get all excited about some new project or activity, I'd be awake three-quarters of the night thinking about it, & then the next day I'd run out & spend a bunch of money to get started. Then a few days later I wouldn't want to do that anymore. I'd want to do something else. So whatever I lost sleep over, & spent money on, just ended up gathering dust in a closet. I would also have a tendency to fall into depression if I started something & then couldn't get out of it... such as a project that involved other people.

I think you're absolutely correct. You don't need to justify what you do, or don't do, to anyone. But, of course, the problem with constantly changing your mind is that it makes it difficult to accomplish anything or become competent at anything. I always wanted to really excel at something. But, logically, that was never going to happen (& it never did) because I kept jumping from one thing to another. And, from that perspective, perhaps there is a sense in which the reason you feel the need to apologize for changing your mind & choices is because "in the back of your mind", so to speak, you feel as though you're letting yourself down?

You asked how you choose & stick with something. Unfortunately, I don't know as I have an answer for that. I suppose that would be a good subject to discuss in therapy. I'm not a psychologist or therapist. So I'm not conversant with how the mind works in these kinds of situations. But perhaps there is something going on with you, in terms of your mental health diagnoses, that would explain why you keep changing your mind. And, if you can discover what that is, perhaps that will lead you to the answer as far as choosing & sticking with something (sort-of like what I wrote about the possible bipolar link to my own struggles in this regard.)

The other possibility I suppose might be that you're simply afraid to succeed. And continually changing your mind prevents you from ever having to face that possibility. I don't know. These are just my idle thoughts with regard to what you wrote. Maybe, in the end, you just have to pick one of the things you enjoy most & make yourself stick with it no matter what... if you can do that. Unfortunately I never could. So I can't really tell you how to accomplish that. But I wish you all the best with your efforts in this regard. The fact that you have insight into what you are doing would seem to me to be a very good sign (even if you haven't, as yet, figured out what to do about it.)

Hi Skeezyks. Thanks for your thoughtful reply.

I suppose it is something to bring up to my therapist when I have the time to. I have been like this for a very long time, too. But it got really bad this summer, because I made a decision about my future, and then it didn't "feel like the right one" (aside from also causing me anxiety and being too expensive). There were a few things I was going to do, and kept changing my mind because they too, didn't feel interesting anymore, and I hadn't even started.

I have never been diagnosed with bipolar. But its certainly something I can bring up to my therapist and psychiatrist when I am able. However, to me this does not sound like bipolar. I'm not up at night thinking about it. And I have heard this is a common issue with some people. Also it could be related to the anxiety and depression I experience. Who knows though. I'm not a doctor or clinician either.

Re: apologizing: I think...I do feel like I am letting myself down, and in a way I am. I DO also feel this need to apologize to others though, I wonder if it's because this type of behavior from myself, stresses my mother out. She used to say "I can't deal with the back and forth with you." Now she just ignores my problems usually.

Re: fear of success: I don't think that's it. I think it's more...a mixture of things. I don't have the energy to talk much about it atm. But yeah.

I had a therapist who just thought I liked the high of signing up for something new. This was actually accurate. I had another therapist who said to me once "you do a lot of things that you don't feel like doing. you should do more things you feel like doing." the thing with that though, is that she was comparing me to herself. And I don't think she had a very good grasp on depression and the way I personally work and function as a unique human.

I don't think I'm afraid to succeed. I do think I'm afraid to close myself off from other things I find interesting. The truth is though, that this is stressful and agonizing, and I WILL choose something. Eventually. Lol.

I am glad you were able to relate to this, as well, Skeezyks. It makes me feel less alone in my makeup.

There is someone in supported education who I can talk to about this too. I think it's important.

Thanks Skeezyks.

I can relate to the experience you are describing as well.

Sometimes I get the sense that I will have things figured out better if I read X, or do Y, take up Z, etc. However, what I soon find is that X, Y, Z don't actually help me figure things out in the way that I had in mind. Then, X, Y, Z, lose their luster and along comes A, B, C!

I have a lot of books. I read that the best time to read a book is right when you buy it. But often for me another book comes along...

When the therapist asked what changed, at bottom I don't think she wanted you to justify your actions. I think she wanted you to explore your actions, to understand them better, with a nonjudgmental curiosity. Like a curious scientist.

However, when she said "But you were so excited about it" she added an element of implied criticism. This I think was a moment of unskillfulness on her part, and it made you feel bad. I'm sorry that she said that.

I do think, though, that a nonjudgmental curiosity about this pattern, maybe in further discussion with your therapist, could be helpful and valuable in understanding yourself better.

Hi Bill!


Edit: this post turned out way longer than I thought. Just to "warn" you, lol.


Thank you very much for your response. First, I will say a realization I had regarding this issue I have. I didn't post it here yet, but I will now: I DO have fixed interests. yes, sometimes they change, and I am a very interested and curious and open individual who likes to learn. But if I am being honest with myself...there ARE things that are important to me consistently, and I even have practices daily around these things. They just won't make me any money: knitting, art / crafts, meditation, friendships / family, wellness, exercise. Looking at that list though, I'm sure there ARE many jobs relating to these things. I think I just want to be financially stable and make at least 30,000 a year. My goal and desire used to be 50-60,000 a year. But perhaps I can work up to that. I feel like I'm digressing though.


Basically, I don't have much motivation. Especially to do things I'm only ambivalent about. I think it would be good for me to find a way to endure and persist with something. I have thought about creating my own art and craft business to sell the things I've made. I would have to make a lot more inventory in order to do this, and that consists of work. Perhaps it is a good idea to try. I'd really like to.


Ok. In regards to your response. I will start with my therapist first. I agree with you. I like my therapist. She is wonderful and I agree that 1.) part of her response was unskillful and that is actually totally ok with me because she is very communicative and self aware and takes responsibility for her mistakes, etc. She only wants what is best for me and admits she is not perfect. I guess I'm saying that while I haven't brought it up to her, she'd be very ok with me doing so and we'd fix it. And 2.) I agree that her question makes complete sense and it's a VALID question. I wonder the same thing about why I changed my mind. I don't really have an answer.

I am not sure if I wrote this previously. But a lot of my issue has to do with me planning for my future. I personally believe that society is set up a certain way. And I do not fit in to the way it is set up. But I will do my best. I'm not sure whether to do something I don't want to do (go to vocational school for office technology, then get a job). Or to keep "exploring" my interests that I guess I feel...ambivalent about going deeper with those as well (science, math, language....school related subjects).


My therapist is new to me. I started seeing her in March. She has a different approach from my old therapist when it comes to "what's best for me." My old therapist was "hands off," and less biased and judgmental about my choice, and at that time...I was thinking about vocational school. My new therapist thinks I should do something that interests me. I felt like that threw a monkey wrench into...everything. I still think...that even though I am uninterested in office tech...it might be a good option. I haven't worked in so long. Maybe finding a job cleaning. People say I'm way to bright to do that (Or office tech) but I could do what I enjoy on the side. An artist needs to eat.


Welp...this ended up being a really long post probably. I think I will end it here.

It's OK to keep changing your mind about which direction you want to pursue. You are exploring your interests and have not settled on a specific direction yet. That is to be expected through a period of exploration, self-discovery and decision-making.

I went through a similar type of experience when I was deciding which career direction to pursue. My problem was I had too many interests and just couldn't decide, so I kept changing my course repeatedly. So, what happened? Life kind of decided for me. I took a job because I needed one, and from there, my career developed in a direction I hadn't even considered and never knew existed.

So how do you stick with one decision? It's harder when you have time on your hands and no financially pressures to stick to something. When you are forced to make a decision based on financial need, it's a little bit easier. But when you do have the time to pick and choose, you just make the best choice that makes the most sense for you and which really excites you or interests you the most. Then see it through! I think it's important to stick things out, even if you have doubts along the way. It's for gaining a sense of accomplishment, purpose and direction to see things through.

Also, try not to worry about what others think. People will think what they want, but ultimately, it's your life and you can do as you please and see fit, regardless of others' opinions. It's your own happiness that is in your hands, and you are in control of your destiny, not other people. Just remember that. So what if you're exploring! That's where you are right now, and that's perfectly OK! =) ((((Hugs)))))

Golden Eve, wow, thank you so much for this!! I really appreciate your wisdom and encouragement. Thank you.

You're most welcome!

I also meant to mention: that when you do make a decision and pursue one direction, even if it's not the right one in the end, it can lead you closer to where you may want to be, it can help you make decisions, and it can open up additional doors you hadn't considered before. So there's that part of it too.

HUGS!!!! You'll be just fine!

Thank you!! I'm ever so grateful.

—-I think the mood swings cause some of the vacillating. I do that too. It’s ok to be flexible, so I might re-evaluate with a list of pros and cons. Research yr choice of program, talk to people in that field who are somewhat like u and succeeding. I’m not going to grow a new personality suddenly! You can just say yr reevaluating. When she asks why , you can say you need to talk about x and u will think about it. No worries. We’re all a work in progress.

—knitshops are more popular nowadays and retired people who have time more time to knit a lot are a huge demographic group. You could work for one, then open yr own. Location would be very important. There r many classes,in starting yr own biz.