[SarahSweden]

I don´t have any actual friends because I so often get upset and disappointed in others. I´ve had a few friends, not close friends but someone I could watch a movie with and similar. I´m never aggressive towards anyone, it´s more that I become disappointed and I then decide not to contact them again or I withdraw.


After I became more depressed and anxious I also isolate more and I find it too painful to risk the feelings of disappointment and rejection of others.


The other day I got very disappointed when my case manager didn´t call me back for two days after calling her several times and leaving a couple of messages on her answering machine.


As I felt she ignored me I cancelled our next appointment and called her manager to ask for another case manager. (They didn´t have one so it ended in rescheduling with the case manager I already saw).

Does anyone relate to this, has this happened to you?

[Fuzzybear]

Hi SarahSweden, similar has happened to me. It’s very disappointing when a case manager doesn’t call back. I hope you can sort it out with the case manager.

I wouldn’t necessarily say I get easily upset and disappointed in people..although when I was younger I maybe did..

Thanks for posting and reaching out here, I’m sure many can relate to this

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, at least she gave me another appointment time but perhaps she won´t continue with me after that appointment.


I think it´s perhaps common to react like this but a part of it might be caused by some mental health problem, it´s somtimes hard to know if one´s overreacting or if other people would be as upset or disappointed about a similar situation.

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Hi SarahSweden, similar has happened to me. It’s very disappointing when a case manager doesn’t call back. I hope you can sort it out with the case manager.

I wouldn’t necessarily say I get easily upset and disappointed in people..although when I was younger I maybe did..

Thanks for posting and reaching out here, I’m sure many can relate to this

my problem (or one of my main problems) is that I find it really hard to forgive someone for not doing what they are supposed to, or doing it wrong, or just making a mess of things.

a lot of people don't like coming near me anyway (because of the whole MI thing), so the few friends I do have don't seem to stick around long because I get really annoyed and upset with them for taking their time or messing things up

one of my sayings is, if you want it done right, do it yourself

their's some truth to that

[WishfulThinker66]

Sorry about your case manager. It doesn't sound very professional.

I do in fact get easily irritated with people. It is usually an issue I have with lack of professionalism or work ethic. When I am not being treated well by someone who should be helping me or in a position of authority I get frustrated as I know this is not how I would behave given the situation was reversed. What really gets my goat though is when it involves a co-worker - especially if their lack of work ethic or effort affects my own job or ability to perform my own tasks. I get upset, yes, and frustrated, that too.

I easily get disappointed when people fail to use basic common sense. I apologise for allowing that to happen here.

Raging vortex has a very good point... I find that in order to get something done, I do it myself.

I must point out that I am not a control freak. It is not about my needing to be in control. It is chaos that is the problem for me. And this is the problem I have with others. In times of chaos and lack of control, then is when I tend to be the one to step in and sort things out.

As mentioned too, I find it hard to forgive people who have disappointed me. I tend to then be unable to trust them to take on any further responsibility or things that I know will affect me. I am reluctant to engage them further. However, I tend to reward or show appreciation for those who do treat their responsibilities seriously.

[dannypk16]

I'm always disappointed at everyone, to the point I set high standards for other people and those who don't meet these standards are just trash to me.

People hasn't ever treated me fairly, especially my family. This hasn't only developed sociopathic traits in me, but also misanthrophy and some paranoia towards others. Most of the times I think people's just criticising me constantly, thinking that everything I do is wrong even though I'm pretty sure their "arguments" are just emotion-based (they may be resentful at me, I guess). Anyways, it's something that makes me stronger. Despise I may be too fake and cruel to people, I would say I just learnt to be what everyone is in reality: evil.

Why bother caring about anyone else, when no one showed care for you? Why make them feel good, when they never felt good for you? I thought I had friends who really cared for me when I was younger, but when I told them my problems and I showed them that I really needed help, they just ignored me or starting laughing of my problems. When this happens a lot, and not only with a minority of people, you just feel like they don't deserve you. You start getting angry, sick of everyone, even the ones you haven't meet yet, and at the end of the day, you are still resentful for all the times they've betrayed your sympathy.

I do have some friends though, I would say one at this moment. But I can't stop being a jerk even with her, when she hasn't done anything wrong to me, when she treated me as a friend and really showed care, I just keep screwing it up. She's got a low self-esteem, and I do take profit of that. Even if I find shame for what I've done, I can't stop doing it. People have disappointed me, and now I can't feel much for anyone.

[AmberShaman]

I do often get disappointed by people, whether it's a professional or personal context. I don't know if it's because I'm difficult to deal with or if I have a problem, but I do believe myself to be less and less tolerant of lack of empathy or decency as I grow older. I don't know if that helps you any, but...

[sarahsweets]

Once I learned to manage my expectations it happens less. I make my needs known now and it helps to at least share what they are so that I know what it is I can expect from someone. However once I have made my needs known and the other person knows what my expectations are and still lets me down, its hard for me to trust them. But managing my expectations has been my best solution.

[Fuzzybear]

Good thread and diversity of replies .. and more food for thought for me

I'm also very sensitive.

so I could hear a comment, or read a comment, and believe that that person is speaking about me behind my back (even though in reality, most times they arn't)

[divine1966]

I have high standards professionally speaking and am selective who I am friends with.

Saying that, I don’t expect the world to work perfectly at all times. There are usually 200 reasons why someone isnt replying right away: sick child, death in a family, marital issue, phone got stolen, explosive diharrea, you name it.

What I find to be helpful it’s to have some humility. The world does not evolve around me. If I am in crisis I call 911. Or go to ER. If it’s not an emergency I can wait.

Letting things go saves me ton of headache. Life is too short to worry about every little thing.

[Open Eyes]

I don´t have any actual friends because I so often get upset and disappointed in others. I´ve had a few friends, not close friends but someone I could watch a movie with and similar. I´m never aggressive towards anyone, it´s more that I become disappointed and I then decide not to contact them again or I withdraw.

Other than your case worker, what disappoints you about people?

What would your ideal friend be like if you could create one?

[mountainstream]

[Open Eyes]

When I asked that last question of you? I began to think about the ONE person that made my hospital stay close to Thanksgiving last year managable. I have ptsd and have experienced a lot of medical health traumas and was treated badly so I don't really care for hospitals. This one African American woman had the presence that was such a comfort to me. She noticed I was drinking ginerale and she immediate checked to make sure I had fresh ones on my hospital tray table. Her entire presence was respectful and caring. I did not get a chance to let her know how much her presence HELPED me during the few days I was so ill with pneumonia in that hospital with people poking at me like I was just a thing they had to deal with in their job.

I would have to say for myself, there are certain people that have a caring respectful presence about them that help me feel safe and relaxed.

The people I don't care for are the ones that are intrusive and don't have a respectfulness about them. Those are usually the kind of people who "I have to have this and that and that, otherwise it's a waste of time for me" kind of attitude about things. I don't care for people that are the "tell you what to do" kind of people either. They have a presence that stands over and talks down to, needs to have the authority over and don't even realize how critical they are either. They are not usually a caring type person but are in a hurry and brisk and too matter of fact. They don't even realize how critical they are either.

It's important to know what "kind" of person you like. When I thought about that, I thought about that woman I met in the hospital, she understood "how to respect personal space and how not to be intrusive". Some people just have that quality about them. I have wanted to find out what floor I was on and see if I can ask and find out who that woman was and when she is on too so I can somehow tell her how important her presence was to me. Ugh, I was just so sick I went into that hospital in an ambulance and I can't even remember what floor I was on because even though I was well enough to go home I was still very sick and did not feel better for a couple of weeks.

[Yorkie]

I deal with the opposite side. I am easily distracted and kinda busy (always find something to do), and can take forever to respond to people or forget about plans. One ex in particular used to freak out and scream when I would do this to her.

They probably aren’t doing it to make you upset...just being selfish and forgetful like me haha.

Yes I am trying to stay away from people now because they literally hurt me with their failures. I feel like when I was younger I had this reserve to offer forgiveness but that reserve has been all used up and I have no more reserve left. I try to stay away so I can save up reserve for them but lately they plow right through it.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I'm also very sensitive.

so I could hear a comment, or read a comment, and believe that that person is speaking about me behind my back (even though in reality, most times they arn't)

I am dealing with this right now and then I ask the person about it and they tell me they are not and then I think they are lying. I mean, if I leave the room and these people glance behind them to see if I’m coming back, then I don’t think I’m necessarily being paranoid. Plus that story about the cat seems like a B.S story.

Sorry, just had to rant.

[-jimi-]

Can be part of being a perfectionist. The friend not being as cool as you wanted. A person making a mistake and it makes the person flawed. Umm yea, I could understand that a bit.

Black and white thinking is hard. It's so easy to put everyone in the BAD box. Even if they only made a slight error.

Greyscale can be practiced.

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

I don´t have any actual friends because I so often get upset and disappointed in others. I´ve had a few friends, not close friends but someone I could watch a movie with and similar. I´m never aggressive towards anyone, it´s more that I become disappointed and I then decide not to contact them again or I withdraw.


After I became more depressed and anxious I also isolate more and I find it too painful to risk the feelings of disappointment and rejection of others.


The other day I got very disappointed when my case manager didn´t call me back for two days after calling her several times and leaving a couple of messages on her answering machine.


As I felt she ignored me I cancelled our next appointment and called her manager to ask for another case manager. (They didn´t have one so it ended in rescheduling with the case manager I already saw).

Does anyone relate to this, has this happened to you?

Hi SarahSweeden. This is a really interesting thread! Thank you for sharing your truth. I am so sorry that you have been struggling. Have you ever wondered if it's not others that you are really upset with...perhaps you are upset with yourself? By that I mean that maybe it's a self-esteem issue? I say that with zero judgment. It's very human to struggle with self-esteem. I am just wondering if you felt more secure within yourself and practiced daily self-appreciation, perhaps the actions of others would not feel quite so visceral to you? I have certain things that people sometimes do which make me feel very angry inwardly. But when I step back and think about it, it's because something is triggered within me...so then I reflect a while about what that is and how to strengthen that part of myself. Then I don't feel angry. I'm a work-in-progress of course...will be until my last day on earth but I do find that approach helpful.

You said you felt ignored by the case manager. Perhaps you felt that her actions altered your worth somehow...but if you believed that your worth is intrinsic and cannot be diminished by others....maybe you wouldn't feel so hurt by it?

Just a few thoughts for you. And yes, people have really disappointed me too at times. I just keep telling myself: "I cannot change other people; I can only change how I respond to them."

Peace and hope to you!

[Fuzzybear]

This is an interesting thread, with interesting replies. It is hard not to be disappointed by people’s actions or inactions sometimes. And it can feel like they are devaluing our worth. And I think feelings of hurt and anger are “normal” responses to that. Our worth is intrinsic though, despite what some people might do. I hope you’re feeling a bit better now SarahSweden. Thank you for sharing your truth. Please do update us if you feel like it

ETA I also find as someone else said, being humble sometimes helps me not feel so disappointed in some people. They are human too and make mistakes, sometimes significant mistakes. If I feel that they are intentionally being hurtful... well, then they have a bigger problem. . Hugs to you

Also, as someone else mentioned, finding the “grey” in people is helpful. There are very few people who are all “good” or all “bad”
There are very few people who are all “black” or all “white” (or all “negative” or all
“positive”) despite what our emotions may sometimes tell us. I hope some of this is helpful to you

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, we kind of sorted it out but what mattered was also that she´s the only case manager available at the clinic I´m at. I had to keep seeing her or see "noone" so to speak.

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Hi SarahSweden, similar has happened to me. It’s very disappointing when a case manager doesn’t call back. I hope you can sort it out with the case manager.

I wouldn’t necessarily say I get easily upset and disappointed in people..although when I was younger I maybe did..

Thanks for posting and reaching out here, I’m sure many can relate to this

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. I can really relate to what you write about being frustrated about a person who´s supposed to help but doesn´t act in a helping way.

The downside to this frustration is that there´s always a risk of losing someone who just thinks like "if you don´t find me helpful, then seek somewhere else". I´m often in such a situation where I feel I don´t want to stay in contact with people, both when it comes to "friends" and people within health care.

As you, I have a hard time to trust someone again if I feel they have betrayed me or they simply didn´t do their job in a proper way. I today told my personal ombudsman I don´t want to stay in contact with him any longer after he didn´t answer to an important text about my health care situation.

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Sorry about your case manager. It doesn't sound very professional.

I do in fact get easily irritated with people. It is usually an issue I have with lack of professionalism or work ethic. When I am not being treated well by someone who should be helping me or in a position of authority I get frustrated as I know this is not how I would behave given the situation was reversed. What really gets my goat though is when it involves a co-worker - especially if their lack of work ethic or effort affects my own job or ability to perform my own tasks. I get upset, yes, and frustrated, that too.

I easily get disappointed when people fail to use basic common sense. I apologise for allowing that to happen here.

Raging vortex has a very good point... I find that in order to get something done, I do it myself.

I must point out that I am not a control freak. It is not about my needing to be in control. It is chaos that is the problem for me. And this is the problem I have with others. In times of chaos and lack of control, then is when I tend to be the one to step in and sort things out.

As mentioned too, I find it hard to forgive people who have disappointed me. I tend to then be unable to trust them to take on any further responsibility or things that I know will affect me. I am reluctant to engage them further. However, I tend to reward or show appreciation for those who do treat their responsibilities seriously.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. My disappointment about people is often about them not contacting me after I have contacted them and similar. What bothers me about professionals within health care or unemployment services is when they don´t stick to an answering policy for e-mails and phone calls but forcing me to call or e-mail several times to get hold of them.

There are so many things that make upset that I avoid reaching out as much as possible.

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Other than your case worker, what disappoints you about people?

What would your ideal friend be like if you could create one?