Emotional triggers and self-improvement

I am deeply triggered by a situation at work. They are asking me to flat out lie to a client and pretend I've been on the account longer than I have. This is asking me to compromise my integrity and morals as a professional, and it's very triggering to me. Maybe "trigger" is the wrong word here. Deeply upsetting, is more accurate.

I am going to practice mindfulness like above with this one. I am still really worked up and I FEEL like marching into the CEO son's office and giving him a piece of my mind. But I know that will accomplish the opposite of what I want and maybe they'd even fire me. Yep. So, I have to play it cool, keep my cool, and be matter of fact, while I establish a firm boundary.

This is going to be a challenge. Not looking forward to this conversation I must have. I may put it off for a couple days until I cool down fully.

Please read what I wrote on your work thread about this. I know it's an infuriating request but I think I made a suggestion about how to handle that can help you.

Your leadership (which sounds all male to me?) sort of sounds a little bit like a bull in a china shop. They mean well, but their solutions aren't always sound. I think if you address the concern the CEO's son has and help find a solution that is ethical and positive then it will make you feel better and show your leadership skills. Try to find out what he is trying to accomplish with that lie, and figure out if there is a way to frame the truth so that you don't have to. I think it's likely he's just trying to save the company's image. And as you have said before, you have ideas about how to do that.

You'll manage it just fine. I have faith in you.

Yes they are exactly like that!! Thanks so much... greatly appreciated!!

Who is asking you to lie? Sometimes it really is best NOT to lie in that it can contribute to a client saying what they are unhappy about and as a new agent to their account you can be more sympathetic and accomodating rather than having the client think you were handling their account all along and they are not going to be heard yet again.

The CEO’s son is telling me to lie. Which means it’s coming from the CEO. This place is soooo toxic.

Well, you don't know that for sure. And you can still respond in a calmer way and explain why you do not want to do that and how you would rather do it in a way where the customer and you can actually develop a better relationship, especially considering this client is new in that he is fresh in just taking over this company your company has worked on.

Because the company is now under new ownership, it's best to talk to this client with "congratulations" and what are YOUR plans and goals that I can help you with in respect to where YOU want to take this company you have taken over.

There have been some truly wonderful examples on this thread and I have been thrilled reading them. Thank you very much @HaveHope

I'm also speaking for my daughter here regarding triggers because we have shared grief over my parent's deaths from a car accident in the spring of last year.

We are very choosy what we watch on TV, and this is why buying a TV guide with listings is so because we get to avoid certain programmes. And this includes watching BBC News because some topics can be highly triggering despite the television presenter's warning. Okay, granted that we could effortlessly buzz channels on the TV remote, it definitely pays to check the magazine containing programme listings in advance. Progs such as hospital docu-dramas are avoided; anything with cars, even. These could contain triggers causing grief and pain because they directly relate to the awful car accident even I had, all those months ago. For my traffic accident alone I have to see a therapist. They did marvellous things with me.

Also, we avoid TV soaps such as Eastenders which is produced at the BBC Elstree Centre. The long running soap is full of terrible interpersonal relationships, and much of this can trigger unpleasant memories; Eastenders also can be violent. So this is never watched even by my girlfriend and her teenage daughter. Life can be difficult enough, so why tolerate such harsh television acting? This may be okay for others but definitely not for my family and I.

It's a given that social media can be a teenager's nightmare, so though my girlfriend and I have online 'media accounts, we make sure to lock them down private so we ourselves do not become victim to cyberstalkers and narky negative people. Our teenagers also are cyber-wise, thank goodness! Believe me, there are more than enough online bullies and none of us of us welcome this sort of trouble!

To overcome these triggers, my girlfriend and I have a shared reading account both with Amazon Unlimited and another good website, Goodreads along with an interesting site called Mibba, which encourages our teenagers to write stories. One of our shared family passions is reading, the same for our daughters who like to critique the books we read so we can discuss them. Self-improvement, then, can be so easily found in the joy of reading.

As a family of four since my girlfriend and I decided to share our lives together, what we have also found so life enhancing and enriching is sharing a hobby. Some here in PC are already aware that my daughter is well into outdoor activities and is a group leader. This means she leads by example and is physically and emotionally fit to prove her leadership. This is lovely when I see how other teenagers easily relate to her. And, look up to her. Makes me a proud parent.

When not working I like to plan my day. I have a dream which is to build a treehouse. These are already highly popular across the world, so presently I am looking into the design of a treehouse, but more importantly building a small living space out in our garden so that any one of us can go out and chill down with a jolly good book, have a jigsaw on the go, or do some sketching.

I've stopped expecting things from people. You see, expectation can be the root of disappointment. Since letting go inside myself I am finding it easier to forgive a person, but crucially - to move on from them. Though I am highly qualified for the job that I do in being a medical partner, I find being around smarter people can be quite the bonus. I love listening to their anecdotes; they inspire me. I then go home to talk about my smart friends' aspirations with my family, and they enjoy listening to how my day went in the company of these wonderful people I work with. My girlfriend is a painter and has an art gallery, so she gets to share interesting stories, too.

Honestly, true friends are much, much, much more important than money! Please trust me on this one.

In closing, every big picture is nothing more than a combination of small details. Attack everyday with the mindset that you will do one thing better. Just one thing. Wake up ten minutes earlier. Make your bed. Drink one glass of water instead of a can of soda. Just one thing. You aren't going to change your life in a day. But if you change one thing a day.....in the end you’ll get the beautiful picture you desire.

Thanks, @Open Eyes!

I am at a point of such disgust and negativity that I cannot problem solve in positive ways right now. I am just thoroughly DISGUSTED. But you offer some positive and helpful solutions, so thank you!

Dearest @Access Denied, thank you for sharing!!! It's a real privilege to hear about the details of your life like that. Oh, boy... I am trying to learn the art of no expectations of people. It's SO hard for me because I have such HIGH expectations in human behavior in general, that I am frequently disappointed and discouraged.

I like your approach though of one small positive thing a day -- or change, rather. I am working on making many positive changes, that it's overwhelming. But I am diligently working on my self improvement strategies each and every day, and I must admit, I feel proud of myself for committing to this endeavor AND for making some amount of progress with it.

I must remember to hold onto positives too -- I get often bogged down in all the negatives, within myself, and within my life that it colors my perspective. I need to constantly make myself step back and regain a birds eye perspective on my whole life -- and on myself. I am also far too hard on myself, and I know this.

Not really much to do with what you wrote, but I appreciate you sharing as much as you did. I hope it felt good to write down and share on here. I don't want to hog this thread all to myself... I wanted and hoped others would be inspired to share their own self improvement strategies, dreams, and/or triggers they're working on. So thank you!

Ok, this morning is one of those days where it's tough to "hold" all that I am carrying inside.

Last night I realized how many different things are upsetting me and dragging me down. I've been aware of it all, but last night it all kind of caved in on me. And I didn't feel like my normal self. Usually, I am a pretty happy person.. not always, but generally I am. And generally I am a very positive-minded person. It's a big challenge right now to feel happy and positive-minded with all that I am carrying and holding inside.

I guess I feel I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders right now. I have to BREATHE and LET GO of all that I cannot control. And a lot of things are out of my hands.

And personal growth is HARD. Change is HARD. I have to remember to be proud of myself for working on all my issues. It's easy to get bogged down in the negative.

I really wish I had a therapist to talk to about all these issues. I left a message to the Director to follow up on getting a new one, and no response yet. I am going to have to call again. I really could use a professional's input, encouragement and perspective.

I need to feel encouraged and inspired, and I feel the opposite. I feel terribly alone. I am battling SO much in life, all by myself, between healing my eating disorder, working on losing weight while having the urge to binge eat, managing my emotional reactions and upset, coping with my work issues and trying to resolve my marital issues. I am really down-spirited. I could really use someone to talk to.

Actually Hope, others can relate to what you have shared here. No one says you need to hold on to all these challenging emotions. Truth is, by our very nature we are designed to cry out our emotions when we feel a need to do so. Some people create songs, some amazing works of art, others write amazing novels. Our emotions can inspire many things that can become "positives" and even a way to connect us to others. Human beings are emotional beings and our emotions are what connect us together to others and so many things around us. We do not just see a beautiful sunset, we FEEL it, we don't just see the wind moving the leaves on the trees either, we FEEL it. We learn danger from FEELING it too. It's just how we are designed to be by nature itself. Feeling lonely is something many can relate to feeling too. So, in essence Hope, we are not really alone in experiencing the feeling of being alone. There is nothing wrong with reaching out when experiencing a lot of emotions for help to sort through them.

I'm so sorry, dear Have Hope.

It really does seem like there is too much to solve! You're not superhuman. I'd definitely try to narrow things down.

Just as an example, you might feel more secure if you decide to stay in your relationship for now. And the eating disorder... That (sadly) isn't going to go away overnight.

It's the same for 'dieting', too, imo.

You don't need to worry about any of those things right now. You can let them go.

Possibly, this is what your therapist will say; start small.

Big hugs.

Thank you, @Open Eyes and thank you as well, @Purple,Violet,Blue!

@Purple,Violet,Blue you're right. I bit off more than I can chew. I am managing far too much. I failed to mention that I have a back injury too that I need treatment for twice per week with a chiropractor. I fell in the shower and injured my back.

Yes, I need to think in terms of smaller chunks. As a therapist once told me, "follow the cow grazing principle". Cows can only eat one patch at a time. So I must do this one thing at a time.

Thank you.

Yes, let's make like cows

Moo. Chew. Poo.

A simple life

I like that!

Oh no. Back problems are a nightmare. Be good to yourself, dear friend.

''follow the cow grazing principle'' - I like it. Safe hugs

@Purple,Violet,Blue, thank you, dear!

Aw, thanks @Fuzzybear!!

I weighed myself this morning and to my great chagrin, somehow I GAINED three pounds! I knew I felt heavier yesterday at work..... but I don't get it. I've been following my Slim Fast diet, I've been really good and eating healthy snacks like fruit and nuts otherwise, then a normal sized dinner. I guess my dinners have been too high in calories. UGH. SO frustrating.

I DO want to lost at least 6-7 pounds before I go to the beach in March. Guess I need to watch the calorie intake at dinner. And I will start exercising once my back feels better and when my doctor tells me it will be OK to use equipment that may also work my back muscles.

But I HATE that I am overweight and plump. I've been super THIN most of my life. I now am looking at being at least 20 pounds overweight. I am not happy with being this heavy. It's making me most upset. NONE of my favorite clothes fit me, and even the clothes I bought to accommodate the extra weight are now tight.

I am not used to this. I was chunky back in high school and in college. In high school, I went on a massive diet for a summer and lost 23 pounds. And after college, the extra weight eventually fell off as I started to eat healthier. But in my adult years, I've generally been very very thin.

BIG HUGE SIGH. That's my gripe this morning.

Maybe it's near your time of month too Hope as that can tip the scales a bit. Also, keep in mind you are nursing a back that is healing and you have not been able to be very active. Inactivity slows down the metabolizm and even though you are eating less the lack of physical exercise means you are not burning up the calories.

That is great advice. I wish that I had thought about that myself. I have very similar , like your. I'm using self help video and self help books to heal from my wounds.

Unfortunately my period just occurred. And thanks. I’m soo discouraged right now.

Good for you, @Buffy01! That's great to hear. I need more self-help books myself.

That another thing I never thought about either. I will have to keep in mind.

Lisa A Romano has self help video and books she written, Family tree counseling has online therapy, self help video and self help books to read. I hope that helps. That what I am currently doing.

Thank you for the info!!!!