I can’t cope anymore

MickeyCheeky · Oct 28, 2020, 03:25 PM

SEnding hugs to Yourself, @Have Hope! Please do keep Yourself Safe!

Have Hope · Oct 28, 2020, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

SEnding hugs to Yourself, @Have Hope! Please do keep Yourself Safe!

Thanks, @MickeyCheeky.

guy1111 · Oct 28, 2020, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

I feel really emotionally needy right now. I keep trying to find comfort.. anywhere I can find it.. online with FB groups, here, with my friends...

It's anxiety - I am super anxious, I am hurting and I am suffering.

The unknown is really scaring me. My therapist scared me today with hypotheticals and worst case scenarios regarding my pending divorce. It scared me greatly. What if I don't get this job offer? Then what he asked? What if your husband asks you if you are happy, what do you say? What if things end before you have a job? WTF? Do you want to give me heart attack??????

These are the questions and hypotheticals that my therapist asked me.

As for me? I need to go with the flow and take things as they come, one day at a time. I cannot plan for all these different possible scenarios - it's giving me MASSIVE anxiety!

And I am calling every possible friend and family member to talk about this upcoming divorce. I have SO many emotions swirling around it.. the main one being anxiety. Nothing seems to be helping to ease my anxieties, no matter how many people I call and no matter whom I speak with.

I think I am freaking out.

This is just a guess because I don't know the full context or tone of voice, but maybe your therapist was trying (but made it worse) to give you a worst case scenario to say that even if you lost all these things what would you have? I.e. friends and family that love you, a good heart, etc.

I know you have helped alot of people here on pc including myself. Your validations have gotten me through some dark times. I'm sure others would agree.

Have Hope · Oct 29, 2020, 05:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guy1111

This is just a guess because I don't know the full context or tone of voice, but maybe your therapist was trying (but made it worse) to give you a worst case scenario to say that even if you lost all these things what would you have? I.e. friends and family that love you, a good heart, etc.

I know you have helped alot of people here on pc including myself. Your validations have gotten me through some dark times. I'm sure others would agree.

@guy1111, thanks!

My therapist was trying to get me to think ahead in terms of what MAY happen and how I would handle it so I am not blindsided and left without options or plans in my pocket. He told me that was his intention.

But it had the opposite effect and made me extremely anxious!

And thanks for the support..... you're very kind. I hope I've been validating for you in your own situation. I try.

guy1111 · Oct 29, 2020, 06:20 AM

Ya, that seems ridiculous. Why throw out scenarios that haven't happened to try and help someone? Sorry your therapist stressed you out more!

You have definitely helped me a lot!

Anyways, hope things get better for you. You are strong for moving forward and smart to reach out to all your channels of support in time of need!

Have Hope · Oct 29, 2020, 06:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guy1111

Ya, that seems ridiculous. Why throw out scenarios that haven't happened to try and help someone? Sorry your therapist stressed you out more!

You have definitely helped me a lot!

Anyways, hope things get better for you. You are strong for moving forward and smart to reach out to all your channels of support in time of need!

@guy1111, I'm glad to know I've helped you! Sometimes I've felt like I'm not being helpful at all. So it's good to hear that some of what I've said has helped!

And thanks so much...... yeah, I cannot deal with hypotheticals. I have to just live in the present moment with what is happening in front of me. He posed far too many hypotheticals, I cannot think in those terms, and it stressed me out completely.

NOT helpful.

I am definitely gathering my support system. I'm calling various friends and am talking to them about this.

Have Hope · Oct 29, 2020, 05:16 PM

I did not get the job I had hoped I would be getting an offer for.

Here was her note (pasted below) - which made little sense to me: am I overqualified????? Is that what she is saying? They changed the role on me during the interview process, particularly during that last interview, so maybe instead they decided that they couldn't offer me the role I had applied for?

"Hi ___________,

Thank you so much for going through the hiring process with me and the team. Ultimately, coming across a strong candidate like you made the team reflect on the role we were hiring for and right now we're not going to move forward with your candidacy.

I hate to say something like you're too skilled, but it's the honest truth. After meeting with the team and Peter, the conversation became clear that we could bring you in, but it wouldn't be a fair career progression. You would bring a welcomed level of mentorship and management.

Again, I appreciate and thank you for your time in this process and I wish you the absolute best in your search. I'm sure a very lucky company will scoop you up.

All the best,
M

Bill3 · Oct 29, 2020, 07:31 PM

I'm really sorry that this one didn't work out.

Have Hope · Oct 30, 2020, 05:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

I'm really sorry that this one didn't work out.

Thanks @Bill3.

bpforever1 · Oct 30, 2020, 07:19 AM

I also interviewed for a job which I did not get. I don't feel bad though because I realized at my age I am too old to be a company employee. I learned this the hard way. I hope things work out for you in the end. Sometimes, you get what you need, not what you want.

Have Hope · Oct 30, 2020, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I also interviewed for a job which I did not get. I don't feel bad though because I realized at my age I am too old to be a company employee. I learned this the hard way. I hope things work out for you in the end. Sometimes, you get what you need, not what you want.

At least it wasn't a job you really wanted! And thank you.... it was a tough pill to swallow, not getting this job offer. I'm in a real mess. And you're right - sometimes we get what we need and not what we want.

Have Hope · Oct 30, 2020, 02:12 PM

I am really not mentally well right now. I feel like I am becoming mentally unstable and ill. This is not a healthy situation for myself, being dependent on an abusive husband and stuck in an abusive marriage. It is not healthy.

Bill3 · Oct 30, 2020, 02:36 PM

If okay, keeping you in my prayers.

Have Hope · Oct 30, 2020, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

If okay, keeping you in my prayers.

Thanks sooo much and yes please do!! Hugs to you.

Have Hope · Oct 31, 2020, 08:06 AM

Well, when God closes a door, He opens a window.

That's what just happened. Right on the heels of the job rejection, I get an email from a company recruiter about a Director level role! The plus side is that she found me; I did not have to apply for this role. She said she was very impressed by my background and wants to talk.

So, things are looking up, at least on the job/career front.

I am changing therapists too. I found one who may be far more effective for me in dealing with an abusive marriage from which I must carefully exit without harm.

Today I feel OK. A bit tentative and scared, but Ok relatively speaking. I am not shaking and I am not falling apart. I am trying to strengthen myself as best as I can.

divine1966 · Oct 31, 2020, 09:38 AM

Oh wow how good about the job! I just posted job suggestion on your other thread. When are you talking to this person? Monday?

Have Hope · Oct 31, 2020, 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Oh wow how good about the job! I just posted job suggestion on your other thread. When are you talking to this person? Monday?

Thanks!! Yeah, Monday!

divine1966 · Oct 31, 2020, 02:17 PM

Good luck!

Have Hope · Nov 01, 2020, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Good luck!

Thank you!!

Have Hope · Nov 02, 2020, 04:28 PM

So I have NO idea how this morning's interview went!

The HR recruiter at the very last minute changed the interview to a video call. I was prepared for a phone call and had not showered. So I rushed to put my hair up, put makeup on and a business shirt, all within three minutes before the interview began.

What a disaster.

guy1111 · Nov 03, 2020, 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

So I have NO idea how this morning's interview went!

The HR recruiter at the very last minute changed the interview to a video call. I was prepared for a phone call and had not showered. So I rushed to put my hair up, put makeup on and a business shirt, all within three minutes before the interview began.

What a disaster.

Are you excited about this job more so than the last?

Have Hope · Nov 03, 2020, 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guy1111

Are you excited about this job more so than the last?

Yes - it's a director level role whereas the last was a senior level role. I'd far rather be in a higher level position earning more money.

Have Hope · Nov 03, 2020, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guy1111

Are you excited about this job more so than the last?

EEK -- I just read the most horrific reviews of this company that just interviewed me. Terrible, toxic work culture is written repeatedly by various anonymous employees.

I did raise an eyebrow when HR did not give ME a chance to ask HER any questions in our interview the other day. That to me is a HUGE RED FLAG. Whenever a company does this in my experience, it means they're hiding something from you.

Have Hope · Nov 03, 2020, 12:18 PM

Awesome. Just awesome. Two companies that contacted me this week for a director level role have the most horrific employee reviews on Glassdoor.com. I am withdrawing my application for both positions. The company culture for each is completely toxic -- now that's the LAST thing I need right now -- is yet another toxic work environment, right on the heels of my former toxic work environment, while trying to also exit from an abusive marriage. NO THANKS! I need a supportive work environment and one that is healthy for me. I need something that will be positive and nurturing, not detracting and negative.

UGH!!!!!!! I am beyond frustrated with this process. I have only 3.5 months of unemployment left.

Have Hope · Nov 03, 2020, 12:40 PM

I've had numerous crappy jobs and seven abusive boyfriends. I'm starting to see just how awful my life has been. I've never had a great job that I loved. I have rarely had a healthy relationship. I've had such awful luck in both areas.... yes, I take responsibility of course too, but still... I think I am cursed.

This is the most depressing realization to have to face. My crappy life.

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