I can’t cope anymore

Today is also one of my oldest girlfriend's birthdays. I am most sad about and disappointed in this friend. She moved across country a year ago, and I've been the only one initiating contact since then. I am tired of it. My birthday was last month, and she never wished me a happy birthday. I don't feel like reaching out to wish her a nice birthday. I know how that sounds - like I'm being vindictive or something. It's not that. It's that I am hurt that she hasn't even reached out ONCE since moving to check in and say hello. It's really upsetting, and now it's her birthday and I'm ignoring it.

On top of everything else, now I just feel sad and very lonely. I wish I could talk to my girlfriend.

WOW - good news!!!!! I have a final interview with that company and with the company's owner scheduled tomorrow!!!!!! They must have approved of my work samples!!!! What an emotional ride this has been!

GOOD LUCK!!!

Thanks Bill!!!

Great - that was the strangest interview ever with the company owner. All along, I've been interviewing for one position, then in today's call, the owner threw a totally different position at me, pitching it to me to see my level of interest. I said no, I want to be in the position I've been interviewing for. Then he hung up abruptly, after telling me that the team thinks the world of me. What is going on???? He threw a total monkey wrench, then jumped off the phone fast. I don't know what the hell is going on.

He hung up without saying good bye? Did it just get disconnected? If not then maybe it’s just how he is

I’d say if the team thinks they world of you, you likely got the job. He might be just the kind of abrupt person

He hung up abruptly. The call lasted 20 mins, and he asked me questions about a totally different position from which I applied and have been interviewing for. I got a sense of disorganization and just trying to find a body to fill in an immediate, more pressing need vs. finding the right quality person for the role. He switched the role on me in this call. It was very very odd. I told him I am interested in the original role for which I had applied.

I am exasperated. I worked SO hard at these last four interviews. Then to have the company owner switch the role on me in the final interview? What does this say about this company?

The Director of the department I would work in had told me that the company needs to not just hire bodies to fill roles, but that they also need quality people. I am putting two and two together and am getting the sense that he was speaking of how the company owner operates -- it seemed that the owner just wants to hire bodies to fill immediate needs vs. hiring the right person to fill that need.

This is because the owner asked me about my qualifications regarding a different role for which I am not fit. My skills match the role I'd been interviewing for up until this point, not this more immediate need.

I just don't understand how a company can interview a person for one role for the 1st three interviews, then switch their needs in the final interview of the process. I had applied for a senior level position, and that's the position I had expected to discuss with the company and is what I prepared myself to speak about.

He really threw me for a loop when he asked me all sorts of questions about my other skills where I am seriously under qualified. It makes me not trust the owner's judgment and decision making skills.

I don't know how I feel about this company now, but I really need a job and ASAP. Things in my marriage are bothering me, I am thinking I really may need to divorce, and I need a job fast so I can figure all that out.

I am sorry this owner sounds like he doesn’t know what people apply for.

Would you be ok interviewing for lower level positions? Not senior? Just to start working? Sometimes it might be a blessing

Thanks, Divine.

My pride, my financial needs and my career goals stop me from looking at lower level jobs just to take anything.

I still have 4 months of unemployment left. But if they offer me the senior level role, I may just take it, regardless. Three months of being unemployed already is killing me.

I am not saying just take whatever. Although at times we have to take whatever, or two jobs, anything. Plus if it’s for short period of time until something better comes along.

Just sometimes lower level position might lead to something. My husband just had to take regular position instead of his typical supervisor role (had to go look for a different job due to physical limitations after surgery) and we were planning on him taking pay cut. Turns out this position at a different location pays more than previous hospital paid for supervisor position! And more vacation days and other perks. That was a pleasant surprise.

You never know.

But hopefully something will come your way soon

Thanks..... I am so mentally and emotionally drained that I cannot think. I really cannot even think straight anymore.

I just had a good cry. A mini breakdown.

I am SO sick of everything - of having been bullied in my last job, to getting laid off, my marital issues, looking for work and just trying to keep my head above water.

I am going insane. I want everything to end. I feel like packing a bag, heading to the airport and flying to some exotic island where I can hide out and live all by myself. I am so done with my life right now. I want to exit from this life I lead.

I seriously just considered taking out all of my savings and retirement funds and heading to the airport to go live in Hawaii.

I don't want to be here anymore. I want to escape from everything. I could divorce my husband from there and leave everything I own.

I hear you. I promise things always get better. Sometimes it does sound good to just go somewhere far away. Well, wherever we go, there we are. It doesn’t always solve the issues. But sometimes moving locations is a very good idea. Maybe looking for a job out of state is the start. Are there jobs in your field? With this stupid covid you can’t even take a proper trip

Can you go to your parents for a weekend just to take a break or it’s not doable during covid? Visit your sister? Is she out of state?

It's just a silly fantasy right now. I could go visit my parents today. I do need a break. My sister is in state... we're talking on the phone right now.

I am having suicidal fantasies now. I am not well. I feel I would be better off no longer being here suffering as I am. My life has been a real sh-it-storm in so many ways. I cannot take anymore. I'm going to break.

I am very sorry to learn of those fantasies. Who could you speak to, perhaps suicide prevention hotline 1-800-273-TALK? Or chat from their website suicide prevention.org

Thanks, Bill.

I appreciate the resources!

Call the suicide hotline. Then go be with your parents or your sister. Don’t be alone. Call or text your therapist if you can. Talk it through with people.

Thanks.

My husband will be home soon. I did not go see anyone today. Decided to be alone, which then was more detrimental to me. I cried and slept a little.

It's just thoughts. I'm not going to act on anything, nor would I ever, and I don't have a plan. It's just thoughts.

But thank you.

Just think about how it is going to get better soon

I truly hope so. Thank you.

Sorry about the interview. What a crap show. It seems there is never a straight shot at hirng new people. People get greedy, lazy, etc. and there's always some hidden agenda or weird angle. You are very smart to see through the crap and understand there is something wrong with that company. You dodged a bullet. I'm so sorry about your situation right now. Hurts to hear it all.

@guy1111, thank you, although I feel if I am offered the original role for which I applied, that I will have to take the job.

I am now in no position to be choosy, I decided. My marriage may need to end, and I need income like right now. Another opportunity may not come along that is at my level or close to my desired salary, and this is both.

Yes, the final interview was a crap show, but unfortunately, I feel I have no choice. Ugh.

And thank you so much for your sympathies.

I feel really emotionally needy right now. I keep trying to find comfort.. anywhere I can find it.. online with FB groups, here, with my friends...

It's anxiety - I am super anxious, I am hurting and I am suffering.

The unknown is really scaring me. My therapist scared me today with hypotheticals and worst case scenarios regarding my pending divorce. It scared me greatly. What if I don't get this job offer? Then what he asked? What if your husband asks you if you are happy, what do you say? What if things end before you have a job? WTF? Do you want to give me heart attack??????

These are the questions and hypotheticals that my therapist asked me.

As for me? I need to go with the flow and take things as they come, one day at a time. I cannot plan for all these different possible scenarios - it's giving me MASSIVE anxiety!

And I am calling every possible friend and family member to talk about this upcoming divorce. I have SO many emotions swirling around it.. the main one being anxiety. Nothing seems to be helping to ease my anxieties, no matter how many people I call and no matter whom I speak with.

I think I am freaking out.