[Discombobulated]

Some stressors this week with relationships and predictably I have gone into self critical mode again.

I have no idea why this happens. When I read online it says it's due to parenting, being blamed by parents frequently and a pattern established.

The thing is I don't think I was. I think my childhood was fine, my parents fine. Quite why I do this is a mystery. I am trying to understand it but I seem unable to. I try to stop it but it's really hard not to.

[MickeyCheeky]

I am not sure what may be the reason, @Discombobulated, but I certainly can relate all too well! Practice self-care. Perhaps do some Yoga. Perhaps you can try to see a Therapist to find the underlying causes of your struggles. Remember that you DO matter and that we're here for you! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Discombobulated, your Family, your Friends, your Parents and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK, MY DEAR, SWEET, KIND, AWESOME AND WONDERFUL FRIEND?!

[mote.of.soul]

Yes, the workings of the mind remain very much the mystery to me, as well, Discombobulated. But I can definitely relate to what you're referring to.

Mindfulness and acceptance, particularly self-acceptance, have helped me to deal with the self criticism and particularly with self-shaming as well - which used to be like very awful ongoing attacks on myself.

I believe trauma's - of any kind - can somehow create negative patterns in the mind too. I'm pretty sure I've read that somewhere.

[LilyMop]

I do this too. I think it’s a habit I’ve gotten myself into. I have made the deliberate effort to change my thoughts as soon as the negative ones pop in my head. I don’t always follow through on this but I can say that when I do, I feel a bit better. It’s difficult. I believe we can do it though.

[Discombobulated]

Thanks.

Reflecting on this today. What is most negative about it is that I am not implementing positive change. Of course I made mistakes, errors of judgement but I need to move forward and make amends not tell myself over how useless/stupid etc I am.

Last night what helped was reading a while (took my brain energies elsewhere) and writing to a friend.

When I go into this spiral the worst is I beat myself up for It, good point about acceptance Mote, I think accepting and acknowleding this unhelpful pattern while working to change it is part of a process.

[TunedOut]

Lately, whenever my mind goes to a negative place, I watch Youtube videos like this:

I thought this video might be helpful for you too because I think you have a lot of sympathy for people who are down and out and sometimes sacrifice your energy for them. It is wonderful that you volunteer so much and have uplifted so many people (I count myself within that group ) but just remember that when you are feeling like this perhaps it is time to do things for yourself or find someone who is giving to you in some way. Some people in this world are not balanced givers and takers. I see you as a giver that needs to learn how to receive more. I am so glad I met you on PC. You are always so uplifting whenever you communicate with me. You give so much, are a hard worker, have given me lots of wise advice. You are wonderful person!

[winter4me]

Oh yes, I do this and I hate it...I know it is not helpful and in fact may cause me to say or do stupid things...very hard to interrupt once begun.

[Fuzzybear]

Hi, I missed this post before. I hope it's ok to reply now. For me, I was blamed a lot as a cub. I think, like mote.of.soul said, trauma of any kind can make self criticism, including self critical spirals, more likely. I agree with TunedOut that you give so much to others. I hope you can be (more) gentle with you.

[Discombobulated]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Hi, I missed this post before. I hope it's ok to reply now. For me, I was blamed a lot as a cub. I think, like mote.of.soul said, trauma of any kind can make self criticism, including self critical spirals, more likely. I agree with TunedOut that you give so much to others. I hope you can be (more) gentle with you.

Of course it's okay to reply now Fuzzy and thank you for that.

It's interesting to come back to this now because I see this was early March and there was something underway globally back then which changed most of our lives except we didn't know what was coming back then.

I realise I haven't done the self critical thing in such a long time. I suspect other things took my energies away from it, this is actually very interesting to realise. I wonder if others have found this too?

I have been focussed a lot on positive action too because of the other stuff. This may be part of it.

It has been good I haven't felt so self critical.