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Heart May 18, 2021 at 09:22 PM
  #201
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Originally Posted by TunedOut View Post
Not feeling especially talkative (like posting ) but I do read this thread and a few others. I think one of the reasons I post less now is that when I have a negative thought about something--I acknowledge it and consider what I can do about it (for instance, I occasionally skip taking one of my meds because of the side effects but if I am a having negative thoughts, for me, it is a chemical type of depression because my meds are so effective.) Also, I am trying to speak less about the negative things in my life and focus on the good. For me, sometimes talking about bad things makes it worse for me and takes away time from the good. Not that there aren't appropriate times to speak about the bad. There is a season for everything.


I pray for many of you on this thread. (not always consistent but when I read about how so many of us struggle from depression, anxiety, and all the rest of the afflictions of our mind--it reminds me). Hoping everyone on this thread has a peaceful and wonderful week.
God bless you, @TunedOut, dear precious friend!

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Default May 18, 2021 at 09:32 PM
  #202
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I'm coping well. I have an appointment today. I just realized that I had zero anxiety. That is unusual for me. I think my meds are helping. Plus, my mom is taking me there so I don't have to struggle with walking.
I'm so glad to hear this dear @Deilla.

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Default May 19, 2021 at 05:01 PM
  #203
My anxiety was tough today. I didn’t cope badly though. I was kinda needy. I’m actually feeling better then I did before after my night meds so I wonder if what I was feeling was a lot of stress anxiety. I started watching a TV show though for the first time in awhile. Which is an improvement from just hanging around on PC.

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Default May 19, 2021 at 05:49 PM
  #204
I feel like ***** today. I have a really stressful job and I feel like it’s not worth the paycheck . I’m not doing what I want to be doing.

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Default May 19, 2021 at 07:19 PM
  #205
I've had 3 people let me down today. I learned in therapy to just lower my expectations. I'm lowering them to dirt level. A deep hole in the dirt. If anything happens, then it will be a shock. But I'm writing all three off. I don't care if I never hear from them again. I'm sick of it. I don't need friends like that.

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Default May 19, 2021 at 08:24 PM
  #206
Not very well, but I do believe in things getting better, & that this is temporary.

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Default May 20, 2021 at 03:37 AM
  #207
I have things I want to do today. So I made a To-Do list. I'm just going to start checking things off. Hopefully, I can get to most of it.

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Default May 20, 2021 at 07:18 AM
  #208
I'm doing well. I saw my family yesterday indoors for the first time since September and that was wonderful so it's boosted my mood.

I'm being consistent with exercise and good diet this week too and my energy levels are benefiting.
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Default May 20, 2021 at 03:44 PM
  #209
I keep putting one foot in front of the other, but I do feel alone today.
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Default May 20, 2021 at 04:34 PM
  #210
Acceptance. Upsetting things that happened are past. There’s no changing it. I am in limbo and learning to feel comfortable with that, and the unknown. I harbor no grudges, but those people are far removed from me. My obsessive need to have the kind of love I need from my h, is not ever going to be and I am tired of being triggered by the lack of it. I accept it is not possible. It is not who he is. I need it probably because I was emotionally neglected as a child, honestly, that’s where it stems from. I rationally understand it, but I still can’t diffuse the traumatic response to still being further neglected and I found just the right guy to keep on doing it to me. We bring people into our lives who are comfortable. So, emotionally unavailable is a never ending struggle. I am too scared and exhausted or depressed to really break free. Acceptance, unknown, futility, emptiness.

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Default May 20, 2021 at 05:02 PM
  #211
My anxiety was rough all day. It still is. Right now I feel like I need a second therapy appointment although she isn’t making me feel all that great either. I took my 3rd Xanax and I got this nausea and headache almost right away. I’m not s or having any sh thoughts. Which is a big improvement. But things are just legit hard right now.

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Default May 21, 2021 at 06:00 AM
  #212
I always feel tired. My mood is ok though. I am trying to deal with the tiredness by sleeping more and exercising. I don't know if it is helping. Overall, I'm doing ok.
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Default May 21, 2021 at 11:42 AM
  #213
Today was a good day. Second in a row. I like it.
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Default May 21, 2021 at 05:16 PM
  #214
I’m not feeling good but I’m coping well with it. I think I may finally be over my old therapist. I’m kind of at the point where I am wondering what the big deal with her was to begin with. I forget people because there have been so many therapists and teachers and counselors in my life that I have gotten close to and they come and go and eventually I just forget. Unless it’s like my old therapist who just died. She was the only person I stayed in contact with. Not currently being needy with anyone is actually a relief. As for my new therapist, I kinda don’t care right now about her either. Yesterday was a mental health reaction as a result of something physical. Now I’m just focusing on myself.

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Default May 21, 2021 at 05:42 PM
  #215
I felt okay this morning and worked on my to-do list. By the time I was done, I was in extreme pain. I had to take a nap. I don't feel much better now. I tried coping by talking to my mom, but she has no compassion for me. I have no one to talk to. If my pain doesn't get better, I may go to urgent care.

Edit: I saw an online doctor. He says go to the ER so they can run tests. What I'm experiencing is not normal.

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Last edited by Deilla; May 21, 2021 at 07:19 PM..
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Default May 21, 2021 at 06:04 PM
  #216
I just started therapy a week and a half ago. I worry about what might happen in therapy because of the abuse I went through growing up.
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Default May 22, 2021 at 04:34 AM
  #217
I'll be going for another night walk tonight, it's a clear crisp night, to sit by the river in a special spot - the neighbourhood in which I grew up - passing the houses on my old street recalling with a smile the names and faces of the friends I spent those many days with, playing and swimming, skateboarding, throwing stones etc. I feel the same warmth of acceptance return when I'm there, those feelings having left me in my early adolescence, alienated inside myself.

No, I've given up trying to fit in to the ordinary world, it's like flogging a dead horse with me, and so I'm coping quite well now, and the journey isn't over yet.

Peace and love to everyone on our respective journies with our respective struggles through this life. 🙏🙏🙏💖

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Default May 22, 2021 at 06:37 AM
  #218
Slept to 6:30 AM today, 10 hours of sleep, highly unusual for me, still trying to get going. Had a long, long dream but I only remember a little of it now...
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Default May 22, 2021 at 07:07 AM
  #219
Perhaps it's after-effects of coming out of lockdown but life isn't getting any easier. Yes, I know no-one said it would be easy but at 65, please give me a break!

On-going problems with mother won't be resolved any time soon, given her attitude during phone call earlier. Subject of another discussion thread.

Know it seems selfish, but I won't be coerced into how I'm supposed to feel. Some emotions I haven't felt for a long time have surfaced recently. Happiness, sadness, laughing, crying, gloom, doom, confusion.

So today I'm just doing what I want to do. Eyebrows done and mascara on, but still in pyjamas. Do I care, no! Amazon delivery man didn't seem to mind....
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Default May 22, 2021 at 07:21 AM
  #220
Emotionally well considering dysfunctional relationship. Just logically trying to figure out how to get myself free from this BS. Not showing any signs of a disorder on my part. Those reactions were a result of a toxic relationship that causes extraordinary frustration. Now seeing the futility my labile emotions have run their course. Baby steps and logic to get to a better place for myself is my goal.

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