How are you coping today? #4

I’m trying but it’s tough today. I most likely have selective mutism. I can only talk to my mom, my therapist, and sometimes my brother. The same people I communicate through text with, I cannot talk to them in person. This includes close family members like my aunt and my uncle. I don’t even talk to my sister much anymore. I can work a retail job but not customer service related. I mostly have worked with 5-6 other people in a small department. When I get upset it’s always through text or email. When I am upset in person I just get quite. But also when I’m happy and sad I don’t show emotion. I know I have emotions. But it’s tough to physically show them to people except my mom. I am a strong believer in actions instead of words. Because for me it’s a literal thing. So I just do a good job at work or I hang out with people even if I don’t talk with them to show I do like them. Or I send nice texts to family members so they know I don’t hate them.

I’m trying to cope today but not really succeeding.

Are you talking about your husband?

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I’m feeling super down, almost nothing in my life makes me happy.

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Having ended two relationships and now being stuck in one I don’t like , I would say it’s easier to be married then divorced . Separation is preferable to divorce. My ex fiancé wouldn’t let me therapeutically separate while he worked his stuff out so the relationship died. I regret divorcing my husband but at the time I had enough and nowhere to go so I asked him to go. Men require sexual intimacy so whether you’re married, engaged or dating , it’s part of the package .

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I'm ok. I was sort of depressed today and was online a lot. I signed up for online dating a few days ago. Match. Its going so much better than the free sites. Someone wants to,meet me and another guy I just started talking to is into meditation and Buddhism like me. I've been a bit too into being online today. But maybe its a way of coping.

Today is better. My overall mental and physical health is better then it was yesterday.

I'm feeling better today too. Meditation group was really nice and we chatted longer afterward. I called my Aunt in a nursing home to chat with her, and got to talk to a friend, too. I did my laundry and some dishes.

I feel a little bit better today. I'm trying to stay positive.

I'm feeling better today. It was a bit sunny and I was able to spend some time outside.

It’s my day off which is always a good thing.

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I’m a ****ing hot mess. I’ve been bawling my eyes out since I left work half an hours ago. I tried calling the crisis line but they said there were people ahead of me and would I mind waiting. **** yes I mind. This job has sucked everything out of me— my wrists hurt from the motions i have to do. Every Sunday is bad but today was really horrible— everything was breaking down and we were ridiculously busy. At the end of night I made a mistake that no one on my shift knows how to fix. I’m sorry, I was tired and frazzled and in pain and putting out fires left and right and I made a stupid mistake. I’m not staying at this job. I hate it and it is making me miserable.

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I have a doctor's appointment today and things I have to do. So I put a to-do list together. That's how I'm coping. I'm just going through the list and I'm drinking iced coffee to cope.

Grateful that I had quality sleep last night and that coffee in the morning tastes so good. I have one class, hopefully I have work when I want to work (it has been on and off lately for my grading job), an online exercise/rehab the VA provides to cancer survivors (it helps with stretching and working my arms and chest) and someone I know is having their B-day today. I hope they feel better for their B-day.

Oops, I just looked, the online class I will teach is tomorrow, not today.

I’m doing good today. My self esteem is a bit low though. I just shaved for the second time. Last time my face hurt so badly and I was in pain for a couple days. Now I had no issue. I was using soap the first time but today I bought the most expensive sensitive skin foam gel I could find at Walgreens. I plan on getting my haircut tomorrow. I’m hoping both will help with my self esteem. I wish I could grow a beard but I can only grow a bit of facial hair and it’s not growing in some spots. I don’t know how to get it the way I want it too look. I’m hoping if I keep shaving it and letting it grow again it will come in fuller and darker.

But yeah things were rough on a personal level today. Besides that and some anxiety my mental health was ok. My physical health was iffy for a bit but I feel better now.

But I’m coping good.

Took a little while to get to sleep last night (drank too much caffeine while scoring yesterday afternoon). Feeling untalkative and unenergetic but will just work with it. Sometimes moving a little slower and doing less is a good thing too.

I am coping well today. I got a bit frustrated at the store but I was more bothered by it then my mom was. I finally told my mom about the transference with my old therapist and that I had a crush on her. I admitted to her that I do like girls, something I couldn’t admit to myself until now. I told my mom I don’t have any desire to be in a relationship with one. And my mom said that could be purely my autism.

But I got a haircut today and a few shirts that actually fit. So my self esteem is better then it was yesterday.

There was one creepy incident at the thrift store that caused me to panic though.

I have been eating better & reading, & keeping my thoughts positive, as much as I can.

Have been feeling unwell last couple of days and dosing up on painkillers and sleeping. I'm sure I'll feel better soon.

I’m really having a hard time coping with the family who don’t care for me. They discarded me and feel fine about that. It really hurts me that they did not think more of me. I suppose it’s a narcissistic injury for me. This is what I tell myself and try to just get over it. I was so nice and loving to them, why didn’t they feel connection to me? It’s hard to understand they just don’t feel for me because they just aren’t built like that. I did not provide them anything they needed, so they didn’t even feel they had to act as if I mattered, even if it was to just use me. Nope, I was worth nothing and discarded. It just hurts and always will.

Don't let them do this to you, TishaBuv! Your instincts should tell you that someone or someones are behind all of this & they are manipulating others for their own personal reasons, who knows why. Hopefully, in time, the truth will come out. Hugs & love to you!!

I’m coping decently I guess. I got some protein powder today that said on the bottle to consult with your doctor before you use it if you take meds. But I didn’t call my doctor. I just made myself a glass of it and I’ve been ok. I’m into this whole diet and exercise thing now but I think I’m handling it ok and I’m not getting obsessed or anything. My old therapist would probably disagree though. We fought a lot over food, weight, and ED’s.

I've been doing housework today. I have one more item to deal with. It stresses me out. I'm coping by coming here and answering questions.

I'm feeling good, and even did some exercise this morning. Looking forward to a good day ahead.

I took my med in the morning again to take a nap. I feel sleepy still. I have been feeling rather tired these days. I know it is due to the timing of when I take my medication. I am afraid I might forget to take it and take it early. Then, it blows the whole day though. But, I'd rather be stable and tired than psychotic and awake. Overall,I am doing ok. My mother could not speak to me today. I am worried about her. She has all these aches and pains. I hope she is ok. For some reason, I should feel really happy that I'm doing well. But, I am rather sad about my tiredness. Oh well.