How are you coping today? #6

I got my dentist appointment out of the way. It was pretty much pain free. I've had needles in way worse places then in my mouth and they were not fun. One was downright traumatic. So novacaine was a piece of cake. Especially with how much numbing gel she put on before the shot. It cost me $487 to get 2 minor cavities fixed. Considering how much soda I consume daily I should consider myself lucky that I got off so easy with just the 2. Now I go back in April just for a 6 month cleaning.

Then Thanksgiving is going to be a bigger deal then I thought and my mom and I argued about it. We are staying 2 nights instead of just overnight. I am worried about a couple people who will be there who weren't orginally part of the plan. Also I'm worried about catching Covid again. Then theres this bad anxiety and I don't know if its med related or situational. But without a therapist until the start of December and all the other stuff going on, I've been quite ornery bordering on angry today.

I still don’t have emotions under control when triggered. It’s freeze or fight then turned inward crying. He’s still the one, the button presser. It’s not even always him doing anything wrong, often just terrible communication issues, chronic misunderstandings.

I go into a freeze mode when there's a dangers (if i feel its a dangers), learned behaviour cause freezing would de-fuse *his* anger

I understand how you feel about the holidays. I understand how you feel about having covid because everyone who lives with me had covid.

I’m in a negative state of mind today, it’s rained endlessly, it’s dark, cold, and I know work is likely to be tough coming up because of an ongoing staff absence. I’m doing positive stuff but my mood is still gloomy.

I didn't take a shower for the second day in a row. But I got my laundry done which I've been bad at. I'd like a valium right now but I'm already 2 days short and I've gotten talked to by the pharamacy about the system or whatever and filling it early too many times.

I decided to clean up a little bit more of my closet today.

I have been feeling really awful today. So I decided to watch some Christmas movies on Hulu as well as self help videos. I was thinking that it might help me feel better.

That sounds like a great idea to watch Christmas movies -hope it’s helping you!

I been trying to find new ways to fight my depression.

I just ate two of the mini lindt chocolate bears from a package that I was suppose to give to my psychoterapist as a gift

I am on my period and i have been not touching sweets for two/three weeks

Yesterday when I came home and unpacked my groceries I was looking at those chocolate bears knowing that they would have been safer locked somewhere

So I continued my scarf project on loomknit that will also be part of the little gift

Today I had a discussion with my mother and i went straight to the chocolate.

Now.
I wonder if I could save the survived bears and maybe packing them in a chiffon bag or something. But since it is food idk. It would be not very proper

#WorldFirstProblems.

We always crave chocolate when it is that time of the month.

This has not been one of my best days!

I'm thinking of the Wednesday before Thanksgiving 2018 when I ate something that didn't agree with me and I puked my guts out that night. Not the night you want to be sick. I kind of feel the same way tonight. Overall I coped well besidee the nausea.

Today I have been using distraction as much as possible.

Today I have been stressed and scared as he**.

It’s dark and raining at 4pm but I’m doing okay, got some things done I needed to.

I'm coping better today than yesterday. I have been able to push myself more ...

I been watching Christmas movies to help me feel better.

Coping quite well really considering yesterday was the worst day I'd had in a while - very dark. Bounced back satisfactorily though.

Some time in the near future I will have to be either moving in with my mom in a small two-bedroom house, or into a low-income housing apartment whenever the next one becomes available. I don't like how I'm going to be able to do either of them. I am SO scared to live on my own and have to go to the store or get gas myself. Living with my mom would be different-- eventually I'd resent her--- for what?! My situation?! What's the saying- we kick those we love...??And we'd get on each other's nerves like mad. Not too much space in that house but I would feel safer. I'd feel more stuck too. How do I decide this?!! Also, what do you all do when you're anxious about something and just.can Not get it off your mind. I've tried distractions. Doesn't work. For a few minutes but then I'm right back to thinking about it all again. Ooohhh I don't know what to do!!!!!

I’m sorry it wasn’t a very good day yesterday. I’m glad that you were able to bounce back.

I feel like a mess. I have my period and I'm assuming this amongst other things is exhausting me. I cried a bit on the train today. Just like 3 or 4 tears, easily wiped away. I did not see them coming. Therapy felt intense the last 2 times. Perhaps that is another reason. Maybe T is testing my limits.

I do this thing that I'm not quite sure is healthy or not. I'm not even sure why I do it. Maybe I just legit like doing them and theres no ulterior motive. Basically when I'm in my homestate I like to go to all the stores I went to before Covid got really bad. And I'm not sure if its because it was right before my life got turned upside down, or if it has something to do with my old therapist and the video sessions. I've never really figured it out though.

I think I did good today. I was kinda crabby at one point, but I think it was mostly my mom.

Mountaindewed we all have our vices. What I "turn to" in such hours of crises is something that has almost killed me a couple times. Would you care to share to the board? If not, feel free to write me. I will listen.