How are you coping today? #6

I'm kind of under the weather. Physically mostly. My sleep has been bad and I was around a lot of people last week. It could just be my med side effects too. Idk.

I have been trying to watch Christmas movies and do a little Christmas shopping due to my complicated grief.

I'm trying to get this nausea under control that is making me not hungry so my meds aren't working well which isn't helping my anxiety. Plus I have been unbearably cold for more then a week now. My body temp was 96 this morning I'm just so frigging cold.

I had the motivation to work out. But not the motivation to clean my room or take a shower or even brush my teeth. I took a shower yesterday afternoon and I used mouthwash and then chewed gum. It took me a few hours to get up the energy to go to my lab work. It honestly just feels like med side effects and not mental health.

I been trying to keep myself busy

I bought some nice cleaning products to help motivate me to get cleaning done.

I screamed but I cant even feel the strong shame because I am so helpless and i know this time it is not my fault
I want to either enter a time machine or close my eyes and my ears

I know to think like this is wrong
It is wrong but I have been in a hell for six years and as much as it is only my fault, everything hust went beyond

My niece has really hurt my feelings today.

My mother stopped talking to me around 2019 and started to hate me after my fathers' death which was not my fault despite i have been a bad daughter in the last 4 years when unemployed
This is beyond mess and I cant cope. I am waiting for silence to come and i am sorry
I cant remember the life before, i know I was not that bad just had to calm down and handle myself better. I used to have my own money and life was ok. I used to be a good daughter
All day I keep thinking what happened in beetween. Our lives boiled alive and it was only my fault

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. :hug: :sadhug: :grouphug:

Thank you
I am trying to handle the fact that years ago i used to even depict myself as powerless in some circumstances that I was the only responsable for

But nonetheless i am sad and feel even more unable to fix in the current situation

Hate myself but trying not to spread negativity around
Some day it is harder

I understand how you feel. I feel like this all the time.

I felt like an adult for once when I thought our smoke detector went off. I stayed calm and I looked for anything that was burning and then called my mom who was at the pharmacy. It turned out it was the carbon monoxide going off I guess by accident since the other one was ok and neither has gone off since. Eh at least I stayed calm.

I'm coping by using the computer. I have tons of bookmarks, so I will be exploring the mess I made. I have a small little project of getting my cell phone and laptop together. I have my iPad all figured out. I have my cell phone figured out. I fell so much like this is going to be put to a finish. The computer will probably take years to feel alright with. So I guess I am putting this to a finish.....I will be happy when I can feel less compelled to worry about this minor detail of life.

It’s still stressful and understaffed at work, and no wonder I ended up with a migraine. Anyhow, it’s my days off now and I’m part time thank goodness, trying not to ruminate but of course I’m a champion ruminator.

Anyhow migraine is over with meds and I’m resting, nothing important to do, so I’m going to focus on relaxing.

I had both go off on me when I first moved in not knowing that is why I started getting horrible migraine. Thankfully my neighbor heard the alarm and had been familiar with my home to inform us what was wrong.

I registered my account for the same reason. Let´s see what will happen.

I still have this lack of motivation/energy to do basically everything but work out every other day. I shower and brush my teeth when I need to and I have to drag myself to my pointless doctors appointments. I'm going on an overnight trip tommorow and I am not looking forward to it. I don't feel particularly depressed. Just this lack of energy thing.

I'm journaling.

It still a great idea.

I'm better this evening than this morning for sure. Kinda took a mental health day. Sport, Food, Chill, for the most part.

Sounds like a great idea. I’ll keep that in mind.

Sound like a great plan to do.

I’m super chilled today, got lots of outdoor time ahead of tomorrow’s predicted bad weather. Yesterday’s extra sleep helped a lot.

I gave zero shits about anything because I wasn't feeling good. Therefore I coped today just fine.