Miscarriage

Hello, I'm a 28 yr old female with BPII. I was diagnosed ~3 years ago. My husband and I had some big changes come up about 2 months ago - he got a new job which requires some travel (big change for us) and I found out I was pregnant. Given we weren't trying, this was a surprise but we were so excited. As you can expect from the Title, we found out that I was going to miscarry. I waited a week to see if it would happen naturally, however it didn't and required surgery to resolve. This has cost us a lot of money, and on top of that I lost my job after I became so depressed that I went on a bender (drinking myself drunk while my husband was out of town). In the meantime, I got a new job but I'm still depressed at home. Now I'm incredibly embarrassed because I was established at my last position and my sudden departure had an impact on a lot of children and families who I worked with. I was clearly in the wrong (I no-call/no-showed to work) so I understand why they fired me, but I just can't believe I've found myself in this situation. I truly believe that this all stemmed from the miscarriage. It literally breaks my heart to think about it. It was our first pregnancy. I just feel like we lost something we'll never get back in this life time and I'm a different person now. 3 months ago I thought life couldn't get any better and then it crashed in a way that I couldn't have imagined. I have faith in God and know that we'll be okay but I also hope to be in a happier mental space soon.

I am so sorry. Things are crappy now but yes it will get better.

I'm so sorry, cellogal1219. You have experienced a loss, and I've read that it's normal to cry and feel sad as a result. I'm so sorry you lost your job. Please seek some counseling to work through your feelings. Did your doctor even offer some suggestions?

I'd think a woman counselor would be best--ideally someone who has also lost a child. I urge you to check around at the possibilities in your area. Please keep in touch.

(If it's any consolation, I'd read that there are more miscarriages than people even know. Some before the woman even realizes she's pregnant. I think I lost one very early. Even though I don't know for sure, I think about what the baby would have been like and hope that I'll see the baby in heaven.)

When a woman has a miscarriage not only does it affect a woman mentally but also nominally and physically. Don’t beat yourself up for having a hard time.

I'm very sorry for what you have been through. Miscarriage is a very real loss, but often one that's overlooked. To other people around you, the loss isn't so concrete and the support surrounding miscarriage can be lacking.

Have you looked for, or found, any miscarriage support groups online? Maybe a loss group like that could offer you comfort from the same place?

It's a grief process no different than any other, and I'm sorry that you had to deal with that loss, and then some of the other problems that seemed to follow it.

I had a miscarriage 16 years ago, and it took a long time to not feel deep sorrow about it. To the few family members who knew, or even H, I think it was conceptualized as not much more than a very, very late period, but for me it was the loss of a real child and all the hopes and dreams that go with it.

You aren't alone