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  #1  
Old Oct 03, 2023, 03:05 PM
jaklevco jaklevco is offline
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Member Since: May 2023
Location: Slovakia + Czech Republic
Posts: 158
All of my friends have been hostile, manipulative or left me recently. My family (which lives 170km away) doesn't really listen when it comes to my sufferings and seems to don't want to understand.
I have my dominant hand seriously injured so I cannot spend time with activities I enjoy and don't know if I will ever be able to. Also, the healthcare system is very poor.

Every day, when I come home, I just feel like I can do nothing. I can't really meet new people because of the injury (I cannot take part in any activity). Making firneds at school seems impossible. I try to reach out to people, but I'm in my second year of university studies and all socialization took part in the first year via a messenger group I didn't know about at all. I like attending ice hockey matches (but contrary to other people my age, I don't go there to shout with ultra fans, but to see the game). Also, I go to concerts, but only to those I know I will enjoy because of the music, otherwise, it is wasted time (so it's nothing regular). Concerts of my favorite bands are big (up to 100 000 people), so anonymous, and require travelling so I have no chance of seeing the people ever again.

The situation with my hand also doesn't allow me to do basically any free time activities I would be interested in to fill my time. I love music, but I can't play (that is what I enjoy about music). I started running every morning. I don't enjoy running at all, but it is probably the only physical activity I can do. Before, I enjoyed floorball and swimming, but I have no idea if I will ever be able to do any of the mentioned activities again because of the injury.
I used to write rhymes sometimes, but my hand is so injured that I cannot write and even before, I had started to repeat myself in my writing.

I've never had a significant other, not a single relationship of this kind, (when it comes to this, the only feeling I know is a broken heart and I feel that the more experience I have, the worse it ends) so there is no one with whom I can share my positive traits and care for them.

There really is nothing I can do and boredom combined with loneliness start to eat me up.
If any advice comes to your mind, I'll be grateful to read it.
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, mote.of.soul, MrAbbott
Thanks for this!
AzulOscuro

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  #2  
Old Oct 03, 2023, 04:53 PM
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MrAbbott MrAbbott is offline
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Location: Spain
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Hi jak; we have never met in person, but I liked meeting you and chatting with you on the chat. Truth is what you say sounds like you assume being defeated, and I don't know enough about your situation and possible resources to give you sound advice, so may these ideas suffice:

1. Don't beat yourself too hard. Your thought influences who you are and people can feel when we are down, making it more difficult to establish meaningful relationships. Don't mind other people, try to boost your mood by doing something you can actually do... joining a taichi group did the trick for me, but I'm sure there are many other things you can do - and yes, taichi is very difficult and i suck at it, but that's not the point, I don't regret it.

2. I don't know about personal economic resources, but maybe getting the best specialist for your hand would be a good idea. What do your folks tell you about this? Should you reeducate your other non-dominant hand?

3. I like what my favorite psychologist said about getting lost in life: sometimes it's time to go back to the beginning. Is there anything you truly enjoyed as a child that you've been neglecting? Well, you're still young, but I've been reading a lot lately and that gives me peace when I feel stressed. Jogging is also a good idea, keep it up .

4. There are many people with broken hearts but few ready to mend our hearts just out of pure goodness. You can partly do it yourself though: you must know you still have value and you must not doubt it whatever the circumstances life throws at you. Have you considered some casual online language exchange or getting to know people close to your area? Maybe involving yourself in some campus activities you would normally not consider? I joined a chess club that met in a bar for some time...


5. When everything fails, there's always the option of looking for professional help. Maybe introducing now the expert advice of a therapist would be a good idea, what do you think?

Wishing this post cheered you up a bit, receive hugs and good wishes from Spain.
__________________
Dx: bipolar type 1 with psychosis + some OCD

Invega 3mg
Depakine 800mg
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Thanks for this!
AzulOscuro
  #3  
Old Oct 04, 2023, 01:20 AM
jaklevco jaklevco is offline
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Location: Slovakia + Czech Republic
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Hi @MrAbbott, yeah, it was pleasant in the chat. I don't actually feel defeated. In last couple of months, everything I cared about broke down and there seems to be no change in near future. I found out that no matter if and how I try, my efforts don't lead to success. I know not having a positive mindset can lead to failure, but that's why I do have positive mindset when I try. I don't give up and present myself positively.

1. I don't really beat myself, I rather reflect of what is happening. My self-esteem is very good, I'm brave, strong, I know my positive traits. I found out that apparently, these are not the things needed to achieve my goals although it should be more than enough. I know I'm worthy of the things I want or need in my life.

2. About my economic resources, they went down because me and my parents spent lot of money for my housing (I study kind of abroad) and I don't have a job myself yet. Besides, the healthcare system in Slovakia doesn't work this way. I am at a private clinic, but I still had to find a doctor elsewhere to get an appointment because the private one couldn't give me one. And I can get only very basic/emergency treatment (so nothing concerning my hand) in Czechia because I only study and don't work here.
My folks... The two people I'm contact with... One of them doesn't communicate regularly so she feels sorry and whenever she responds, she asks what's new about it. It's hard to keep in touch with her. And the other one has been my classmate since high school, but I don't consider him a friend because he doesn't want to socialize with anyone and is hostile to me regularly (but he finds me in school anyway). About my hand, he told me he feels sorry, but just makes fun of it...
Reeducating to my other hand, is not a good choice, my father has experience with this and sometimes, he can't read what he wrote himself. I try to woork on computer with other hand, but it is a pain. I was used to write useing two hands and using mouse in non-dominant is really bad.

3. No, there isn't. Music was there with me since I was 7. I changed the instrument during high school and later on, found myself in playing. I don't take it as a hobby, but rather a part of my personality (although I never wanted to make a living out of it). Well, I used to spend time with scale modelling, but I have no space, hand and time (it requires several hours per session) for that. I hated athletics before, I don't like running now, I do it because there is no other physical activity I can do (including taichi or yoga - although my wrist is injured, my whole forearm is in pain). I feel disconnected because I cannot do anything and also because of that, I don't have many opportunities to meet new people.

4. You know, I can and do get over feeling heartbroken and I don't give up trying again. I will repeat myself, but really, the more experience I have, the more hurtful they are (based on objective reasoning). As I have mentioned, I feel that I deserve finding someone who I would share myself with for who I am, for how I present myself and for what I bring into a relationship.
I tried finding some university activities (there are not many), but because I stopped using social media (and don't regret that decision), because the offer of activities is very small and because of my hand, I can't find anything I could enjoy at least to some extend.

5. I tried looking for professional help, but it doesn't work. I had experience in the past. Few years ago, I needed an advice with something so I found a professional with just the best recommendations. And he didn't heklp me. Concerning this, I was recommended a specialist not far from my hometown. When I was there, the specialist said, "I don't know what to tell you." I missed my next session because I needed to trave back to my home town and the train was 90 minutes late.

To be honest, I don't feel like the content of the post cheered me up, I don't feel really well. But I definitely appreciate that you replied. Not many people do...
Hugs from:
MrAbbott
  #4  
Old Oct 10, 2023, 02:03 AM
jaklevco jaklevco is offline
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Member Since: May 2023
Location: Slovakia + Czech Republic
Posts: 158
Hi @MrAbbott.
I have some news about my injury. After some tests, I found out that it is not a neurological problem so again, after two critical months, I know nothing.
Also, yesterday, I felt as if something cracked in the forearm and the pain is unbearable.

Also, I start to feel that my only friend is neglecting me. She found a partner so she spends time with him, that's fine. She is busy with other things, that's normal. But whenever I suggest hanging out she writes that she has some plans with her friends, goes to cinema or so. But she can never find time to have coffee with me.
Also, some people I recently met just don't want to make time for socialization. In one case, I understand because the person is in the first year of studies and wants to spend all the time studying. Still, no chance to meet fir a lunch or anything like that.

Now, there are not many people in my social circle. Those who are there are not approachable. And the people I meet show that they don't want to make new connections (both in school or considering my interests). I don't live with my parents anymore and they just don't want to understand how I feel and mainly what the background is.
I feel neglected, left out and don't know what to do next
Hugs from:
AzulOscuro, MrAbbott
  #5  
Old Oct 12, 2023, 11:02 AM
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AzulOscuro AzulOscuro is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,837
You see how Spanish people, here Mr Abbot and me care for you. 😀
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Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
Thanks for this!
jaklevco, MrAbbott
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