depressed

I don't post very often - I don't get along with people. Whether it's my intent or not I drive a wedge between me and everyone else. I don't always know what I'm doing that causes this and I'm seemingly helpless to make it stop.

Sometimes I spend hours, like most of the day, online trying to find something that I can be a part of. All my therapist ever says is if I'm driving people away it must be what I want. Since I can't figure the mess out on my own, nothing will ever change. I think I try. I feel like I try. I hate being alone. I cry rivers because I'm so alone. But if my therapist says that I want to be alone, then I guess he must be right. Too bad he doesn't bother to help me figure out why I think one thing on the surface and something else in some space of my brain that I'm not aware of.

I try to talk to him, but he never seems to hear me. He laughs at me all the time. He cuts me off mid sentence all the time. My therapy consists of my therapist hurting my feelings, confusing me, and leaving me to try to figure it all out on my own.

I have an ocean of tears wanting to come out, a mountain of concerns, and no one to turn to for support.

I don't know how to live. I don't know how to be. Everything always goes wrong and I'm always the one to blame. The only thing I'm good for is crying and that's not good.

((((((((((((((((((((Kalamity)))))))))))))))))))))))
Have you considered a new therapist? If so, try to find one that specializes in DBT. You will be amazed.

Hi Kalamity --

I'd also suggest shopping around for a therapist who is a better fit for you. The therapeutic relationship is very personal. I've rarely felt comfortable having a male therapist; for the most part, I've felt that don't understand what a woman faces.

That may not be true for you. But if you aren't getting what you need out of the relationship, I hope you will take time to explore getting a different one.

i, too, would suggest that you shop for a new therapist. your current one doesn't seem very sympathetic to your problems...pat

Two things. First it's blatantly obvious that you should seek out the advise of another therapist. Second, driving people away, you're always at fault, you're good for nothing but crying... that is the powerful voice of depression talking. More than likely, you already know that. I hardly believe that in the long run you want to be alone. It could be that for now, somewhere inside, you want to be alone until you begin to feel better. I wish you the best. Take care.

ryan

(((((KAL)))))

I am sorry for feeling depressed. As the others so wisely stated, I think a new T is the right avenue to take. Please take care.

I understand, i am going through the same thing, depression is a hard thing to beat, it wears on you and to the people you come in contact with. I guess the first thing to do would be to find out what is making you depressed, but till then, I think finding a new doctor whom you feel comfortable with and who you think understands what your going through is a great idea. Also if you need to talk about something feel free to either post in the forum or you can even pm me and i'll talk with you and listen if you want me to. I'll be hear if you need me- J>L

First I'd like to apologize for taking so long to reply. Thank you everyone for the input. I have asked to see a new therapist but they want me to work things out with the current therapist. He is a specialist in DBT and they think he's one of the best. I've been seeing him for over a year and the DBT has helped me in some ways but I have other issues that DBT isn't helping.

Any way, I feel like poo but I'm hanging in. Thank you all for the support. It really makes a difference.