Depression. Is it possible to overcome?

I'm writing this post cuz something Anglegirl said in another post got me a little curious.
I know for me and my depression it started at a very early age. Before I even knew it was starting. My childhood. Nobody to hold me or love me or kiss me. To me, that became the norm. Then in my teenage years, being used to no attention I sought attention in very destructive ways. Drinking, drugs, sex, cutting, suspension from school, running away, stealing cars, and whatever else I could get myself into. After the birth of my first child at age 17, I straigtened up a little but still continued with the pot smoking and drinking. I was married so sex was with my hubby only. Before I knew it, I had two childre, an ex husband and I was completly alone. This was normal for me however, so I dont think I was much phased by this. I met my current husband shortly after that and we had our son. Suring this period, I was happy, or so I thought I was. One day, something happended. DEPRESSION. It hit me like a ton of bricks. At first I think I tried to blame the usual things like, work, busy home life, what ever else I could pin it on. I also lossed my Uncle and Grandmother during this period so I contributed alot or my depression to this as well which is understandable. However, going to therapy and being on my meds is me the gift of clearer thought. I have thought long and hard about what depression is. It's chemical. I know this. But there are contributing factors. After intense soul searching, I have come to the realization that I do not know myself. At all. I never have. I dont think I ever really wanted to either. I dont know my likes or dislikes. Yeah, I like music, that I do know. But other things like, what kind of person am I? What convictions do I have? What do I stand for? Why do I look in the mirror and hate what I see? Why am I fat? Why am I ugly? Why are my lips big? Why do I hate myself so much?
This is where AG got to me in her post. How do we go about likeing ourself? To me, I describe it as starting a relationship, a long term one because essentailly thats what it is. It's a hard thing to look at. Where do I start? What steps can I take to love me. I mean really love me. Not just being able to deal with myself but to really really love myself. I think it is impotant to love ones self to overcome depression. If we only get to the point that we can deal with ourself then we are setting ourself up for future relapse.
AG, asked me what do I do to love me. Well I can say, I dont love me right now. This is something I recently have discovered with in myself. So, I dont know how to love me yet. I have tried siting on my sink in my bathroom and saying 3-5 positive things about myself weather I truely beleive it or not. But, I want to truely beleive it. So there is my question. How do you begin to love yourself? After years of hating yourself, is it possible to love yourself. I beleive the answr is yes. We can. But how? What are the steps to take to get there? This is a hard question I know. I wish i had the answer. But I dont so I am leaning on you my friends for help once again.
Thank you for your continued support and love.

Are you not asking two questions here? Your subject is

Is it possible to overcome depression?

but within your post you are asking

How do I learn to love myself?

So, are you asking one, both?

I thought you were originally saying you were DISCOVERING yourself because you didn't know yourself. Is this not different from loving yourself? I'm confused.

I do know that I don't love myself and I don't know who I am either.

Is depression possible to overcome? I think sometimes it is but not always. Certainly not when it is attached to BP. Maybe you can learn to control it somewhat, but overcome it? NO.

If you're not BP, I don't think all depression is a chemical imbalance, some are but not all. You can be depressed over a loss of a loved one, via death, divorce, whatever. Is that a chemical imbalance? NIMHO. But there are other people who have a generalized depression. What depresses that person one day may be different than another day. That I believe is a chemical imbalance and not able to overcome, again control maybe, overcome, no.

Then again, I may not know anything about what I'm talking about. My brain is fried so who knows.

I meant both. But I am discovering that my problem is that I dont love myself. Because I dont know myself. I know. I think I was a little confusing. It's 11:00 pm after all and I have been up since 4:30 am. LOL

I am asking a question. How do you go about liking.loving yourself?

Oh sweetie, if I knew that I would love myself already. Maybe you should head over to the self-esteem forum.

Jen, I really don't think there's any one way to overcome depression or to begin loving yourself. But here's something to think about. These two questions are so totally related to each other. I'm depressed and therefore I don't love myself or vice versa. You seem to fall into the "I'm depressed because I don't love myself category." But here's what I see. You mentioned that while you were growing up you had no one to love you. First of all, that's going to cause severe self esteem problems which lead to depression. And because of the early depression and lack of self esteem you acted out in ways that you seem to now regret. Again, that causes further damage to the self esteem and further feeds the depression. So now here you are years later. Let's try to find some of the positives in the mess of the past so that we can start to move on. You said that the result or your promiscuity in your early years was the birth of two children. Isn't that a big positive? I mean, even though you might not look back proudly at your actions you have two children that came from it. Hell, that'd make me look at it from another point of view. Try reading your origonal post again. See how you tell the story of how one thing led to another? No love as a child leads to drugs, sex, etc... and so on and so forth? You just hit on the root of your problems... or one of them. So now what you have to do is ask yourself "Was it my fault that there was no one to love me as a child?" The depression and guilt you feel about the things that have happened in your life will tell you yes every time but the truth is that you were a child. How can a child do anything to deserve not being loved? Not your fault in any way, shape or form. So if you believe what I'm saying to you, then you know that these things that happened are the result of the actions of someone else. Like me... my drug abuse was me looking for an escape from the pain inflicted on me by others when I was a little boy. My fault? No. Does that mean that if none of this happened to me I would never have turned to drugs... not necessarily. Once you begin to see that the things you've done that make you feel guilty were the results of the actions of others when you were a young and impressionable child, you can begin to forgive yourself for those very things. If you ask me, that's the first step to loving yourself. I don't blame you for feeling depressed after reading this glimpse into your past. It's par for the course. So can you overcome this depression? Quite possibly. Therapy is the key here IMHO. Through therapy, you will begin to see how wonderful you really are. I hope that I've in no way offended you. I don't mean any offense by my words. I hope that some of this, or all of it, makes sense. Much love to you my dear friend.

Ry

find what they (those who neglected or abused) didn't like in you...what they tore down. nurture it and build it back up. then you'll like yourself. fight for yourself. don't let them win! once you've fought a battle for self, you'll care for the person you've rescued...you.

have you ever noticed that when you've truly fought for someone (i.e. a child) that the bond and love is even more deep than could be imagined? turn it inward and you'll win every time. fight like you've never fought before...for yourself. you'll find worth in doing that.

it's a mile that's worth walking.

N

Ryan, I think you're bang on for Jen's case. For some people depression can be overcome, some not, others keep relapsing. I think each person's situation has to be evaulated to see whether it can be overcome. That was very good reasoning that you pointed out to Jen.

Kimmy, another great post. You and Ryan are on the ball tonight. My case is not the same as Jen's, so it is impossible for me to overcome depression. The best I could hope to do is to learn to find ways to hopefully control it, but overcome, no.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
find what they (those who neglected or abused) didn't like in you...what they tore down. nurture it and build it back up. then you'll like yourself. fight for yourself. don't let them win! once you've fought a battle for self, you'll care for the person you've rescued...you.

have you ever noticed that when you've truly fought for someone (i.e. a child) that the bond and love is even more deep than could be imagined? turn it inward and you'll win every time. fight like you've never fought before...for yourself. you'll find worth in doing that.

it's a mile that's worth walking.

N

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Hi folks,

Kimmy, I've read (and lived) a good bit of psychology, but your post just bowled me over.

Of course, those early attacks didn't happen by chance; there was something in us that the parent/parents didn't want us to have, and they tried to take it away. But it wasn't theirs to take.

It is a long walk back, and it is worth the walking.

jmo - From reading your post, I believe that you are on your way.

Cheers, Myzen.

thank you, myzen. t is constantly amazed at my way on thinking on this. i think it has to do for the hurting/scared children inside. i will fight (and win) for them. in turn, it's a battle won on the whole.

i've realized in therapy, that it wasn't that little girl. it was a very sick man and woman who came together and wreaked their ill onto small children. the oldest child became like the parents...10 fold because he had no restraint.

do i love myself? i dunno. do i love those children? absolutely. i fight every day for what they tried to take away. i have learned to set boundaries so as to not be hurt anymore. so yes, i do think i care for myself in that i realize that i don't deserve to be mistreated any longer.

thank you.

Kimmy, I too am bowled over. Profound statement there. I am trying to think about it's application in my own life. being alive, having feelings, being a sexual being. How to NOT HATE THE SELF!

Thank all of you for your great posts. Ry, KD you guys rock. Kimmy I think you have some great ideas for me to work on. Ry, as always great advice. Finding positives out of my negatives. Myzen, Thank you, I too beleive I am on my way.
(((WW)))

Thank you.

Hi jmo,

I am living proof that it is indeed possible. I feel not loving yourself is a major cause of depression so I think I can answer your questions hand in hand.

2 years ago when I started therapy, I LOATHED myself. I was a huge hypochondriac. I hated myself. I even hated others for loving me, thought they were losers and pathetic for being snowballed by me. I was a physical wreck. I lost 40 pounds in a month. My marriage was on the verge of divorce. Was convinced I had MS and Parkinsons and Breast Cancer and Lou Gehrig's Disease.

I made a few attempts at therapy before I found my current T. My current T is pretty heavily CBT oriented, but also into dream analysis. I felt I could trust him completely.

For the first year, I went to therapy once a week. I am now down to twice a month and soon once a month. I dedicated myself to therapy. Threw myself into it, heart and soul. I didn't want to be on medication, so I knew how important it was for me to pay attention in therapy.

The road was not easy, but here I am. Not depressed, not anxious. And I truly love myself. But I have to work hard everyday to continue with the things I have learned in therapy. If I don't do this, it is an easy relapse into my old ways.

The cure for depression does not happen overnight. And I think a lot of it has to do with the relationship you have with your T. But please know, it IS possible. And it IS possible without medication (depending on how severe it is I'm sure).

CBT worked wonders for me. It doesn't work for everyone though.