[Eva1nder]

I Feel So Down

How do you get away from feeling so incredibily down when you can't get away from the one thing that is the worst thing that plagues you constantly.

My mind.

It never shuts down.

It never leaves me alone.

It's driving me insane.

It's draining me.

It's making me "sick" every which way.

Sucking the life right out of me.

I want to just shut it off.

Sorry just needed to vent.

[nothemama8]

EV, that's what we're here for , you vent all you want and we'll support Okay
Angie

[Overcastbutclearing]

Sorry this is how you are feeling. At least you can express yourself with words and try to get some of it out from your insides.
((((((Eva1nder))))

[Eva1nder]

Ty ((Angie)) & ((sj))

[Leslie]

Dear Eva,
(((((((((((((((((((((((((Eva))))))))))))))))))))))

I understand your down feelings. Our minds are so complex. I kind of see our minds some what like a computer. It can be used for good and it can be use for not so good things. The one disadvantage of our minds is that you can't shut them off like you can a computer. I wish we had a delete key on our minds and when our memory gets too crowded up with bad thoughts, we can go and replace it with a new memory chip. I wish we had a virus protector on our minds. When people say mean things we could just press a button and the thing that was said would never be remembered or heard.

Take care,
Leslie

[cat_eye]

(((((((((ev)))))))))

[Eva1nder]

Thnx Fury

Problem is I've been doing all those things actually exactly as you listed ...over & over and I don't usually say I'm like this till I can't take it.

So I figured I'd better just say it here and get it out hopefully get rid of it.

Thanks for the help though.

[Eva1nder]

ty ((((cat))))))

[Eva1nder]

(((((Leslie))))))

Like I said ...You're sumpthin ...sumpthin amazing.

Ty so much ...and yes I definately want an upgrade or more memory ..whatever you've got going on in with your hardware.

Ty *hugs*

[dayzee9]

(((((((((((((((((( Eva1nder ))))))))))))))))))

When your mind is sucking the life out of you & such, keep doing what you just did.......post to us! Vent all you want, we've all been there at one time or another

We can offer suggestions, give you virtual spirit hugs

Seek your immediate "helpers" (Your T or others) and in the meanwhile we'll be here...waiting to help you along this bumpy, pot-holed, road thru "life"........

There IS hope....trust me, please.........I KNOW!

Please stay safe & getthe help you need STAT!

((((((watch for the beautiful sunrise of another day))))))))

((((((((((((((((((( DAYZEE)))))))))))))))))))))))

[Eva1nder]

Ty ((((((DayZee))))))

I really appreciate your support....it's so helpful.

I can really open up and talk to you guys here ...it's just not like that here and I'll finally be getting back into much needed therapy come thursday.

I'll be going 3x a week. So that will be helpful.

Again ty so much *smiles*

Hope you are doing well.

Take care
Eva

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Eva -- Been feeling so low myself, I couldn't even read an email titled "I feel so down" til now.

So sorry you're in pain. Glad I had a chance to spend a few minutes with you in chat last night.

TC

[Eva1nder]

Hi wants ...I hope you are feeling better. I'm so sorry that you have been having a hard time and feeling so much pain as well.

Yesterday...I felt like I couldn't even turn it around.

I went into chat much earlier and the people there were so supportive and they really helped me turn it around.

Felt like a miracle to me.

That doesn't happen to me too often.

Your so thoughtful during such a difficult time for yourself to give of yourself with concern for others.

I only hope that things ease up for you and you find some peace.

(((wants)))

Please take care and be well.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((((( eva )))))))))))))))))))))))))

i go thru much of the same as you posted in the original post i'm sorry that you've come to the point were it's so difficult to handle right now. i understand.

my mind never, ever slows down i hope you're maintaining ok today?

i want you to know that you're being thought about and being sent peaceful wishes.

kd

[Eva1nder]

(((((kimmy))))))

Thank you.

I am trying.

I don't ever usually say how I'm doing here in "my world" until it's too late.

I found this place (thankfully) and i'm able to at least sometimes say it.

This post is more the unusual for me though. I hate to cry or let ppl see me "that down", but it's better I just let that out then do something worse.

I don't know if you remember a few weeks back I was pretty bad and wanted to go to the hospital, but couldn't afford it.

I couldn't afford therapy either.

I got pretty good news on friday. My therapist was able to work out in the office to be able to see me 3x a week and accept what the insurance pays.

I just need to get the insurance to ok more appts. I don't think that will be a problem.

So that is good news and I'm thankful.

Also, I'm going to be going for testing by a Neuropsychologist, which might explain why I never can feel back to what I was after getting very sick after being very sick for several years (mentally) b/c of misdiagnosis...and aggressive mistreatment.

ANyways, sorry for the long winded explanation.

Thank you so much for checking on me though

Hope you are and you lil one are doing well

*hugs*
Take care
Eva

(((((((((((Eva))))))))))) you are such a sensative precious one. I pray you start feeling better and you receive all the love and care you need. PM me if you need anything

Girl, I hope you're feeling much better now....I know that feeling and I hate it when others experience it. I like the idea of a delete button.....xoxo pat

[Eva1nder]

(((((((esther)))))))))) & ((((((((pat))))))))))

Thank you so much ... you all definately help so much.

I think this is the most support I've ever gotten in my life. Seriously.

The people that know me here I don't want them to see my emotions, weakness or pain so here I'm able to receive support so much better.

xoxo

Again thanx...
Take care
Eva

[Nerak]

((((((((((Eva))))))))))))

when will we quit thinking we're weak when we're depressed, anxious or whatever else we're afflicted with. more appropriately when will society not view us as weak? you're not weak because you're depressed. neither am i....do you want to talk about this now? i'm on til "Desperate Housewives" comes on.......pat

[Eva1nder]

(((((Karen))))) Ty

[Eva1nder]

Pat...I'm really chattin your ear off today

Oh and I love that show too .

I don't know how you would change my thinking that i'm weak ..it's not only cuz i'm depressed. There are many other reasons for that.

I'm not sure what you mean where to talk about this.

Chat you mean?

[dayzee9]

((((((((((((((((((((((((Eva)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm not going to say that I know everything; but there is one thing I do know. When I was 21 years old I was Dxed as having a Major Depressive Disorder; it basically means that I have a significant chemical imbalance in my brain that causes downright suicidal depressions.

This means I will have to be on medication for the rest of my life, unless I kill myself first, because it also means that even w/ medications.....I will get hit like lightening out of the blue w/ a "depressive episode" I may crawl under a blanket for days until it passes; sometimes I've gone on an alcoholic bender (I'm a recovering alcoholic) & wind up in the ER and/or ICU and/or in a coma for 3 days.

For many of us in this forum....if I May speak for others...we must stick together.....swap ideas for dealing with these episodes w/o going totally mad! I am now "older" (ain't gettin my age!!!) I STILL get the wind knocked out of me out of the blue....and I may come close to posting a suicidal note (which we all know is BAD )

Sometimes all the "hugs" "I'm thinking about you/rooting for you" ETC! doesn't mean anything but to you at the moment...b/c the way you feel...it feels like the biggest miracle in the world could happen....and you'd say, "Bah......." and crawl back under that blanket.

But you have to keep coming back here; post till you drop You may always get lucky & get a real good idea from someone...but you have to ASK for SUGGESTIONS...otherwise you won't glean an awful lot!

You've been doing good at coming back, again & again....that's the first few blocks of the "Yellow Brick Road to Mental Recovery" Gotta dodge those do-gooders on the brooms though.......the simple word....."Help" is the BIGGEST #1 first step. (Just ask a good AAer like me, that's the first step there!)

You got the place, the people......now the ball's in your court! Talk to us!!

((((((((((((((((((((((( DAYZEE)))))))))))))))))))

[Eva1nder]

(((((((dayzee))))))))

Ty

yes...that is what I need to do.

My family just wants me to be "okay" ...they know they almost lost me quite a few times and during those times I was married.

My now ex dealt w/it at that time. So they don't have to nor know really how to. I wouldn't even come to them really until it was way over the edge, which I only just touched the surface with my sister a few weeks ago because I wanted to go to the hospital.

SHe was so upset trying to get all emotional with me and I didn't want to be touched. Don't get me wrong I love my family, but I have an awfully hard time receiving their love (affection) especially when I'm mentally not well.

I hate them seeing me not well or any emotions from me. I don't like asking them for help or anything really.
I don't even want to talk to them. I don't have any patience for them.

I know this might sound suprising. If you knew more it might not be though.

ANyways, yes this place I'm very thankful for and it is helping me very very much. I'm able to receive the support here like I told kimmy, which is something that is so new to me and really very much appreciated.

Thank you so much

*hugs*
Take care
Eva

[lostangel]

That is ok. Tell us how you feel. Because I am sure most of us feel the same way you do. I know I do.