Well, ... don't usually reach out to anyone, but everyone here seems so comforting I thought I'd give it a try.

I'm at a place in my life where I finally see all the dysfunction in myself and my family. I feel so dumb to have ignored it for so long and pushed it way back in my mind, not showing any emotion. Now though, I'm finding I'm too uncomfortable feeling all this s**t. It's so much to finally SEE and FEEL.... and the future is just a huge question. I'm too old for the future to be a huge question!!!

I continued my screwed up childhood into my adult life by marrying a man that behaves towards me, similar to my parents. Was never good enough as a child and am not good enough now.

I have a sister that is ALWAYS "one-upping" me. Last night she even went so far as to compare my dog to her's and how her neighbors LOVE to take care of her dog and will go over to see it 3-4 times a day-- it's just that loveable!! ( I had to hire someone to come and feed my dog while I was out of town) -- she has been like this to me my whole life- she's 3½ years my senior. My T. tells me, it's because my mom set high standards for the little bit of attention she gave out, we children tried to live up to it---but no one could, although, that one sister came closest- and so even in adulthood she competes with me constantly. And it's also hard to be around her as when I was 14 her husband did some inappropriate things to me, he was 21 at the time. I used to just be numb around her but anymore, maybe due to therapy, I'm feeling things that I'm not comfortable feeling.

I question if therapy was the right way to go--- or maybe I'm just too depressed to think straight right now. It just seems like the client-therapist relationship is "un-real". I've not had anyone accept me like that and be compassionate towards MY feelings. It's not the REAL world- - maybe this therapy thing is just setting me up for a huge let down--- expecting that other people will act like my therapist. I'm confused and tired. Thanks for reading.

Mandy

[Poppet]

Hi Mandy,
Welcome to the forums. And, yes, it is comforting on here.

I just want to let you know that someone accepting you when you've not had it before can feel mighty weird. And because you haven't felt it before it is natural that it would feel unreal.

Maybe not everyone will act like your therapist, but a lot of ppl (specially here) will offer you the acceptance, space to talk, and understanding that has been missing from your life.

Well done for having the courage to be in therapy, and to start realising patterns in your life, and beginning to understand it all. It can be painful, but it sounds as if you are at that point where you can't ignore it any longer.

I wish you well, and please don't hesitate to post again. We will be here to catch you if you lose your hold.......

I hope you can get rest and hold onto something you love (your dog ?) and take one day at a time.


good to meet you............Poppet

[jmo531]

((((((((((((((MANDY)))))))))))))

Kudos for going to therapy. That is the first step. We are a caring and loving buch who will stand behind you no matter what. Welcome.

[Eva1nder]

Hi Mandy

Nice to meet you and welcome to Psych Central.

I have to tell you I've been in therapy for around 15yrs (I'm 34) and I've been a member at this site starting in feb. of this year.

I can't tell you how much the people here have helped me so much in so many ways.

I have a long way to go and I'm just beginning to open up more.

I hope you can get the help you need.

I can understand what your going through a little bit because my best girlfriend growing up went through exactly what your describing.

I was very close with both sisters and would watch this relationship. It was very sad and very dysfunctional. It caused a lot of pain for my friend the youngest one.

I hope that you get some real help and benefit from therapy and meet some friends and get some support here.

Good Luck

Take care
Eva

Thanks for the welcome Poppet. I guess you're right about being accepted feeling "unreal" to me, as I'm not used to it-- it's so extremely hard to get out of the mind set of relationships being a tangled mess of pain and frustration.

Yes, I am at the point I can't ignore it any longer-- which is kind of frustrating as that's all I've known my whole life- ignoring things. I've told my T. how I feel like a rabbit who's burrow has just been closed up-- quite un-nerving as I can't go back to the way I used to be.

Hope I can temporarily use this forum for my safe place- I think I'm in need of one. ( That's hard to admit as I've not allowed myself to "need" anything). I will also hold onto my dog-- animals are so great- unconditional love!!
Thanks Poppet and nice to meet you too.

Mandy

Jenifer,
thanks for the hugs and the welcome. I hope you're right about therapy being the first step... sometimes it feels more like a drop back to me.
Thanks for your kind words.

Mandy

Eva,
Thanks for the welcome and nice to meet you too.

So, you started therapy at a young age, I think that's the best way to go. Wish I wouldn't have been so stubborn and started years ago- I just wouldn't let go of the denial.
Thanks for hoping I get the help I need, I also hope things get better and better for you. It is very hard for some of us to open up, isn't it? I'm glad you're beginning to now.

I can so relate to your friend and what she was probably feeling. Do you know, just curious, are those sisters close as adults now? My sister is always wanting to be close- but on HER terms- if I try to put things in a neutral state (where she doesn't always have "better")- then she pulls away from me.

I think I have this idea that I must have less than others for a relationship to exist- so now, I'm at the place where I don't want to be "less" -- but fear any relationship where I'm not "less" just doesn't exist. Does that make sense?? It's like I'm looking for the impossible---

Thanks again,

Mandy

[Eva1nder]

Hi Mandy...

Well unfortunately I didn't have a choice about the therapy after having my son at 22 I was mis diagnosed and aggressively treated for it or I should say mis treated, made me very very sick.

I basically lost all my 20's.

So I wouldn't consider having therapy in my 20's.

By the time I hit my 30's I had major marital problems.
And I'm now I'm divorced (happily)

Just I haven't really started "real therapy yet" is my point, but hopefully I'm getting there.

Enough about me.

As far as my friend I'm sure there are some differences, but your story did seem very familiar to me.

My friend and her sister were very close in age though and I think that set the stage for even futher problems.

The younger sister looked up to her older sister and never could understand why her older sister could do the kinds of things she did.

The older sister was gorgeous, smart and just plain fierce. Oddly enough she was very protective of her sister to outsiders though, but would do some pretty mean things to her as well. She would taunt her. I think this stemmed from a few things

One being a very dysfunctional upbrining and two a very low self esteem.

I felt very badly for my friend because at times she would not see it coming and it would often times be something very hurtful.

Now the answers to your last questions.

The older sister is married with 3 kids and has a successful husband with a business etc. She still has a ton of emotional problems though.

They still maintain the same relationship the 2 sisters. The younger one does so much for the older one. The older sister I should mention though will do nice things for the younger one, but at times...this mean streak comes out when you least expect it...knocking down the other.

What's sad and difficult is they are close and because of that the older one uses that to her advantage. She knows her weakness and uses that whenever she wants and like I said she can be fierce.

I just saw my g/f the other day and she was explaining a situation her sister was taunting her about this guy that it didn't work out. She is (single).

My g/f said I feel like when i was a kid and it's like your in the yard getting your "pony tail pulled". and it's my own sister.

Oddly enough her brother is my ex husband. Her and I maintained our friendship, which I'm thankful for cuz I had a very messy marriage at the end.

I grew up with her and her sister.

Anyways sorry if i rambled.

If I can help in any way pm me anytime.

I hope that I did somewhere in there...lol.

Take care

Eva

[Wants2Fly]

Welcome Mandy. It's a night when I'm having trouble reading online, but this is a wonderful place to come to find support and caring people.