sorry.

currently looking for more resources online; i cant concentrate or take it in properly and i cant call a helpline for fear of my family hearing me. i might try emailling the samaritans but i dont want to waste their time. i apparently have no "real problems" anyway.

i keep posting, i know i should probably just stop, i don't deserve all of your compassion or advice or care or pity.

i feel utterly like my boyfriends phasing me out.. stupid, i know. and logically thinking he probably isnt.

but i just keep thinking that i dont want to play this game anymore.
i want out.
theres only one way out. and im not allowed to take it.

it hurts - everything does - literally everything. its another blow to the stomach, that sinking feeling, that emptiness.
my mothers words keep swirling around my head, stop feeling sorry for yourself stop feeling sorry for yourself stop feeling sorry for yourself stop feeling sorry for yourself stop feeling sorry for yourself stop feeling sorry for yourself stop feeling sorry for yourself stop feeling sorry for yourself stop feeling sorry for yourself stop feeling sorry for yourself stop feeling sorry for yourself...

i dont want to play anymore.
let me out.

I can so toally relate to how you feel and maybe even how you think about your current situation. Hi, my name is Tiny nice to meet you. I do hope you are blessed more than me in the aspect that you get what you need to be happy. I'm gonna keep trying,no doubt, yet I feel it may be too much for me.

(((((bananas)))))

((((((bananasarecool))))
I hope you soon feel better and please dont let your mother's words get the best of you. You are hurting...you are allowed to hurt although I do hope the hurt goes away real soon

(((((((((((((((( bananas )))))))))))))))))

Yes, the voice telling us we're "unworthy" and "a burden to others" is real and frighteningly persistent. Here, however, that voice is powerless; the question of deserving care and compassion is meaningless. Go ahead: rant, rave, cry, pour out your emotions.

((((((((((bananasarecool))))))))))))


YOUR PROBLEMS ARE REAL. If they are bothering you, if they are making your life more difficult, if you are considering hurting yourself because of them, then THEY ARE VALID. Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise!!!! I know how much you've been hurting, I know how sick you are, and I know, just from reading your post, that there are things that are making your life very difficult right now and which need to be dealt with. Anyone who says otherwise is insensitive, uninformed or in denial.

Email the samaritans. It's their JOB to read what you send them. You're not wasting anyone's time, and it may feel good to get some of this off your chest. Why not write them an email right now but don't commit to sending it to them right away. Save it someplace and add to/edit it whenever you need to. Say whatever you want/need to say -- the great thing about the samaritans is that they're anonymous ... you can even create a special email account just for emailing them, if you like. You don't have to give any information you're not comfortable sharing. Basically, you call the shots, and having suffered from depression myself, I know how good it is to be in control of even one thing when it feels like the rest of your life is spiralling out of control.

There is help out there for you. There are people who care about and understand what you're going through. Please let them help you, and don't listen to the people who won't, because chances are, they simply won't because they don't know how. And keep posting here, where you will always be safe to say whatever you want and where you're not going to be judged for it at all. Sending lots of hugs.

Hope you feel better soon.

((((((((((((((((((bananas))))))))))))))))))))))) Pleasse accept the support that others want to give. The Samaritans is a great organization and you will not be bothering them or wasting their time. And keep posting here. Let everyone help support you when you are hurting.

BB

(((((bananasarecool)))))

First you are not a waste of time. You are worth our listening, compassion, advice, and support. We are listening and hearing what you are saying. We do care and are not going to judge you in anyway. You are free to say exactly how you feel and we will not feel any differently about you.

You do deserve to be heard and we are willing to listen to you. I think you writing to the samaritans is a good idea. They are there to listen and help. They are safe and you do not have to say anything you do not want to say.

Thank you for posting and trusting us enough to say what you feel. It is important to get out those feelings and it is safe here. We are here for you--to support and listen. We do understand how you feel.

Sometimes just being able to say what you feel helps. What you feel is real and your problems are real. Sorry you are having a hard time concentrating. But sometimes when we are felling so bad, it is hard to concentrate.

Please be kind to you and do something kind for yourself. And remember to breath. Just in and out slowly--and do what you can. Take one minute at a time and know you are okay. We do care and are here for you. Keep posting and letting us know how you are feeling.

You do deserve to be heard and you are worth caring about. Sending you a gentle and safe hug if that is okay.

dps

Who said that? The problems YOU feel you have are real. What YOU feel is real. Just because someone ELSE says they aren't real, doesn't make them go away. It's like telling someone drowning in water that there's no problem, they don't see the water so it's not there. People can't see inside your mind. Maybe they can't SEE the problems. YOU can. They are there, they are real.

This place is open for everyone. For what it's worth I think you're deserving. I try to check all your posts , I care about you, I want to see your posts.

Yes. That's seems to be a way out. It's the only way out that YOU CAN SEE. That does NOT mean there isn't another way. I have been through a patch (and a pretty long one at that) where I did not see the way out either. You'll have to trust me on this one, that there are other wayS out, (yes, more than one) that you can't see right now.


GUILT TRIP.
I got one from my Mom today too. Basically calling me ungrateful and mean... for getting up early to drive her to the train station and asking if it was ok to stop for coffee on the way.
I know guilt trips all too well. Please try to fight the words because you're not horrible for feeling sorry for yourself, for wanting better. There's NOTHING wrong with that.

sending so many hugs, please do keep posting