[Pomegranate]

When I'm off my meds I eventually get suicidal. But at first I feel very alive, like I feel things more deeply, more keenly. It feels good.

I've been back on my meds for several months now. No more black holes and feeling suicidal. But no more "feelings" either. I do feel things but it all seems kind of remote and far away. I miss the more intense feelings of "feeling alive." The only intense feeling I have right now is my anxiety going off and on. Everything else is kind of .... bland. Is this how "normal" people feel?

[Berries]

((((((((((((Pomegranate))))))))))

I can relate. I have been feeling the nothing feeling most of the time for months. I hate it.

Originally Posted by Pomegranate

.... bland. Is this how "normal" people feel?

I often wonder this myself.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Pomegranate

I do feel things but it all seems kind of remote and far away.

This is my primary experience of depression. Yes, I'm on meds. Every once in a while there's an "explosion" and more often an "implosion," but being adrift in an empty gray sea is my norm.

[idontknow13]

((((pomegranate)))))

to everyone.

[ECHOES]

This numbing of feelings is why I went off meds for good.
It's hard, but I want to experience everything, and learn about the deep down low that comes and can be so hard to deal with and so hard to wait for it to get better.

There are times I am tempted to go back on the meds, but I know this feeling will pass, change, as all feelings do. I will wait and practice patience, knowing that my suicidal feelings are a definition of the depth of my pain, a quantitative expression of "I feel this bad." or statement of feeling overwhelmed and not knowing what to do. I know now that it means something more, that it is, in a strange way, a statement as much about wanting to live as not wanting to live. It is a reaction to my reality versus my wishes for my reality, to the disparity between what I want and need.. and what I have.

[kebsfroggy]

Originally Posted by Pomegranate

When I'm off my meds I eventually get suicidal. But at first I feel very alive, like I feel things more deeply, more keenly. It feels good.

I've been back on my meds for several months now. No more black holes and feeling suicidal. But no more "feelings" either. I do feel things but it all seems kind of remote and far away. I miss the more intense feelings of "feeling alive." The only intense feeling I have right now is my anxiety going off and on. Everything else is kind of .... bland. Is this how "normal" people feel?

Yes, I know. I don't feel "drugged" when I'm on my meds but there is the other side. If I'm off too long then the darkness and suicidal thoughts creep back in.

After a day or two of not taking my meds, I feel alive. My T mentioned looking less medicated. And that's how I feel, less medicated. I feel apart of the world around me not just "there".

Since I've been on meds for so long now I no longer remember how "normal" people feel.



kebs

[Wants2Fly]

I now take the lowest dose of my med. It evens out the lows . . . Sometimes I feel joy, and that is cool. I'm not sure that I would have been content with this when I was younger. Youth seems to be a roller-coaster ride of emotions. I like things the way they are right now.

I wonder if the type of med one is talking makes a difference? There have been some that put me to sleep and made me feel as if I was walking through clouds of cotton. But this one (can't remember if we are allowed to mention a med by name, so I won't) works pretty good most of the times.

I can understand why you feel the way you do about your med.

[ECHOES]

Wants2Fly, it is okay to mention med names and I'm curious what is helping you, if you would like to share.

I sometimes worry that I am too extreme in my view on my taking/not taking meds.

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by Pomegranate

When I'm off my meds I eventually get suicidal. But at first I feel very alive, like I feel things more deeply, more keenly. It feels good.

I've been back on my meds for several months now. No more black holes and feeling suicidal. But no more "feelings" either. I do feel things but it all seems kind of remote and far away. I miss the more intense feelings of "feeling alive." The only intense feeling I have right now is my anxiety going off and on. Everything else is kind of .... bland. Is this how "normal" people feel?

When I am off my medications I am bad, I have a hard time functioning when I am on them and when I am off; forget it. I get so sick with depression it ties me down so that I can not do anything at all. My feelings either way I would have to say they are down. I used to be normal people I would say NO.

[Pomegranate]

Wow! Thanks to everyone so far who has shared here. I feel good reading your posts and knowing I'm not alone.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((( Pomegranate ))))))))))))))))))