[wisewoman]

I officially asked for accomodations last week after I had two complaints against me from volunteers, and the state let it be know that I had 8 mistakes on paperwork within a 1 month period.

I have been having difficulty with memory, or basically getting information through to my mind. Example, asking the same question twice, forgetting what was just said. Paperwork, I will send out a packet of 36 pages and forget one page or one item. I will not notice that where a colleague started a page she didn't finish so I will send it out incorrectly. Volunteers, forgot to call them. Total and complete forgetting. In truth, I can't know how much is due to the depression and ptsd but I can say life is always nuts here with my mind torn in a million directions. As today. I am going to take a friend to the attorney for final planning and then i am going to go to therapy and then take my daughter to have her nose unpacked and her splint removed. Guess I had better call in huh? I have been at this job for 16 years. I hate feeling vulnerable. I hate the feeling that any time more crap will land. I used to feel very good about my job, what happened to that? So, I have a site I can find that helps people figure out what kind of accomodations for depression, PTSD, memory loss, anyone got ideas? I would appreciate. My job is crazy, it's having to remember a lot of information and think through stradegies to best serve those in need. My mind used to be good at it. And now look.

[nothemama8]

Hang in there ww I'll get my booklet out and see what it says, I'll post it this afternoon okay
Angie

[Wants2Fly]

Wisewoman, my heart goes out to you. I feel and do very similar things. Just lost some attendance rolls for days when students had to be in class and received points for it. Figured I'd just let them slide and no one would complain about extra points -- but I didn't used to be like this, either.

So very very sorry

((((((((((((((((((((((Wisewoman))))))))))))))))))))))

[wisewoman]

AGGHHHHH, Another day of no work, I thought I posted this a.m. but don't see it so? Was with a friend helping advance planning then was supposed to have T but needed to cancel and then brought daughter to get her packing removed and then off to the highschool until 9:00 for award night, winter sports. I have been thinking about accomodations and I have a lot of suggestions. I wish I could sit down with someone from voc rehab before I meet with supers to understand better what my needs and rights are. Daughter feels better now so that is good.

PTSd, causes dissociation and this can cause problems with remembering information and sequencing.Also depression which causes thought processing difficulties as well as forgetfulness. Accomodation; a. send all official assess etc to super before mailing to state to catch for errors. b. list of paperwork needed clearly posted where paperwork is kept. c. support staff quarterly for filing and restocking paperwork supply. d. Packets for various programs made up in advance by support staff. e. list of sequenced events for the major programs. f. Tape recorder hand held for things needing attention. g. reduce obnoxious voice mail that could be put in writing form to me so I don't get overwhelmed. Office announcements that don't deal with my county or somebody selling girl scout cookies should not go into my mailbox. H. Monthly schedule of meetings at beginning of each month. Don't assume I remember that the third thurs is this and the second that. I. Stop mailing my work paperwork to me at home as I get it confused and it doesn't get filed. Send it to satelite office where it can get to my desk in one step. What ya thinking? Maybe a lot more.

[wisewoman]

Can I also ask for things Like a wheeled brief case due to disk degeneration issues and pain? Is there any place for the fact that when I feel I have done wrong, made a mistake, I panic and assume trouble, I am bad, I am in danger? How would one articulate that? As a need for careful supervision? I really need to work out a lot of this before I see them next week.

[nothemama8]

Wisewoman, I haven't forgotten you just had 2 major crisis here yesterday and 1 today will get the stuff on ADA to ya soon
Angie

[wisewoman]

Spoke with my T today and got some suggestions. Cmon folks, I have been a highly functioning professional forever and I feel like I am losing my memory and concentration. Please give me hints on what will help.

[LMo]

Wisewoman -- I know exactly what you mean. I'm slipping, too. I have an appointment with my T about it tomorrow. Today is a prime example -- here it is 6pm and I have done NOTHING. This is way out of character for me, but has become my norm over the past month or two.

Give us some examples to work with. Maybe we can help each other!

okay, wisewoman, when i weigh the dialysis patients in i forget their weight by the time i get about 40 feet to my desk....i had to get a little notebook that i carry with me to jot kilos down...i "re-named" a patient last week. his name is "herbert" and i put him down as "Hubert"..and there was one before that that was worse....how old are we? i'm 61..post menopause. i don't take HRT. i am very concerned about my forgetfulness because, like your work, we could get an inspection and i would be in big trouble if i screwed up too badly...

as far as help for you, your ideas sounded good....i'm so ditzy that i probably can't come up with anything extra....xoxox pat

[wisewoman]

Well, today was my meeting with my super and with the program super. The meeting started with a list from my super about faults, concerns re: my work. Okay, a written page. I made a comment to the affect of "great way to start a meeting" So we went through the list and I got to address each f up or concern. Mostly I was fine, not defensive. The cell phone at meetings thing was hard. I have a need to know my kids can always reach me and it is a hypervigilence thing from PTSD. So anyway through the list we go and then it's time to talk about what is wrong with me and what I need for accomodations. My immediate super made an inappropriate coment about how I have expressed to her that I do not like when she comments on my weight. I told her it was personal and private and felt like an invasion. She got it. So then I try to explain the whole thing about my memory and depression and PTSD. I say that I am "spacey" at times and explain a little about the continuum of dissociation. I explained that I do things and don't remember or forget to do things. I asked for a hand held tape recorder and understanding. I explained that all of the info coming at me was too much and that I would like it to be organized. I explained that it was overwhelmoing to get all of these sheets with changes etc. I asked that it be compiled for me. I asked that I not be sent confidential work stuff at home, that it be sent to my office or central office and hand delivered so I didn't have to think about work at home and getting stuff to my files. I tried, in vain, to explain my need for a calm, organized work space. I explained that I did not speak with colleagues in the old building because there just wasn't space but that I really needed to have a work space and one storage space that was mine. I had gotten and loaded and unloaded this modular desk with shelves/cabinets to keep the multitude of forms and the manuals in. I had set up three work stations for the three of us in the field. I had asked for a desk draw for just my stuff like pictures, cards, kotex, my stamps. The director started in about how she felt like that work space was not welcoming to anyone else and she felt like I had designed it for myself and that I should be having stamps in the office. I explained that I have to requistion stamps and that colleagues just use and don't replenish so if they are office stamps others need to order. I explained that I had asked for a desk top organizer so that pens, white out, stickies, staple remover, colored dots etc could be within everyone's reach. I explained that the other alternative was 3 metal desks and that they would not fit or serve anyones needs. Anyway, it was so hard to be accused of being selfish. I had taken a tiny work space and was being very careful to stay in that space and leave the others free. I labeled all of the forms and such. labeled the draws with contents and left the drawer for different files of forms on the floor as a co-worker was always complaining and I told her that she could organize any way she wished. Remember please that this drawer was mine initially and that this has changed as we use the satelite office more. I used to be the only one. Please also understabd that my 2 colleagues have home offices as well where they have all of this stuff. So, the subject changed and my super went through this thing about how she had been mindful of how to present the fault, problem list to me and that I had made the comment about what a great way to start a meeting. I said to her that it was not about her, tried to explain it was about me and she had done nothing wrong, tried to explain that I hate being a screw up. I was cut off and became very emotional so I said I can't do this and left. I went up 2 floors to my office(well, not mine) and proceeded to move my work and personal things to my old desk, a wooden table, small, no drawers. I shreaded the pictures and cards I had kept because I felt it made me too vulnerable and made things too complicated. I put all of the "joint" stuff in a drawer and took what few personal things I had left like kotex, and put them in a stationary box on my desk. They came up as I was trying to unscrew the keyboard tray from one work station as director had complained. They said they were sorry I had felt badly and my super said to think about moving my space. I stated that I would not be accused of being selfish and that this was best. I was pleasant and mannerly. They left, I cried with one of my board members who was overwhelmed with my feelings, can't blame her. Told her thanks for listening. Called a friend who came and got me an hour later, called in for messages and called in sick for the rest of the day. My friend gave me a shelf for my desk and I went back to set it up and came home where I am now hoping I can sleep until tomorrow. Took drugs, lots, to sleep for 12 or so hours. Called T and told her, she understood, the whole reason I was asking for support is because I know I am not doing my job well and need support and accomodations. The worse thing that anyone can say to me is that I am selfish. BIG TRIGGER. I live my life trying to be caring of others. I earlier called my co-workers who are in the field and very innocently asked how they liked the space and could they find things okay. I mean for crying out load, I labeled each thing. They were both kind and stated that it was my primary work place and I should get my needs met there. I stated to them that I wanted it to be a welcoming place where they could get what they needed and work a few hours when meetings and other necessities demanded. They were excited about the space. I feel vulnerable, hurt, like I still want to send them objective stuff about PTSD and my hypervigilence about my very troublesome family. I left them messages and want to sleep now and move on to tomorrow and carry on. Yes I feel very hurt. I was the only darned person to do any of the moving and sorting etc. It was my poor back and running back and forth and sorting through copious amounts of crap. The only things that were moved for me was a large locked file and the heavy wooden desk/table. I took the chairs out of boxes and set up, I arranged the set up of the modular. For crying out loud, I was a very valued, overly functional employee for years and now this? I am hurt. Many drugs on board now. I will sleep. It pays to not show anyone where your vulnerability is. I am an emotional wreck and I am scared.

[SS8282]

I'm sorry. Wish I can help. ((((((((((((((((ww)))))))))))))))))))) Am thinking of you.

[wisewoman]

I took a 10 mg sleeper, 2 mgs clonazapam, a flexeril, for muscle spasm but makes you sleep great, a phenegren for nausea, makes you sleep great, 2 vicodin. And Beer, don't forget the beer. I had a few and posted my book from above and went to sleep. Hubby woke me up though I had asked that no one wake me. He woke me again this a.m. I am cancelling first meeting and am going to the rest of the day. I have a drug hangover. Ready for more tonight. Sleep. T is away today, back tonight. God knows what the future with this job will bring but I am sick of being pulled in a million directions like a gumby doll. That's it. It stinks and I am hurt, sad, scared and angry.

[wisewoman]

Thanks a lot kids

I'm sorry that I didn't reply sooner. The honest truth is that I saw with so much to read, and with no paragraph breaks....it's a lot on my eyes. It order to read posts like this, I copy/paste them into MS Word, add the breaks, increase the font size...then read them. My eyes are old sweetie.

So, when I first saw the post, I didn't have time and, like a bonehead, I must have forgotten to come back. I'm SO sorry.

For your supervisor to start off an ADA meeting with a list of your faults is absurd. Is she actually a social worker??? That's astounding. The idea is to open the floor to you, and let you tell them what you need in order to do your job. If it's within reason, they should simply get it.

Everything you requested is CERTAINLY within reason.

And I wonder if the reason they regrouped and came up to see you after is that they realized how much trouble they could get in for NOT offering "reasonable accomodations".

I'm sorry your work environement has been so difficult when you seem to have really been trying hard there.

And I'm SO very sorry that I was not here for you when you needed support.

Hugs, Emmy

[gardenergirl]

It sounds like it just was an awfully tense and anxiety provoking meeting, when it didn't even have to be. I'm so sorry they were not more sensitive and um, accomdating. That's exactly what the law is for. Sounds like they need some training on how to handle this appropriately and sensitively.

You know, it's stories like this that really burn my butt. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. You are a wonderful and wise woman. You are valued here.

Want me to add them to the toilet paper list?

gg

In case you are not familiar....some of us ladies maintain a list of people whose abodes we intend to cover with TP...or worse, depending on their offenses.

Emmy, TP patrol

[wisewoman]

Well yes, the director I belief needs a little T.P., shall I give you directions? Thanks for the support and the understanding. I slept most of the time since Weds at 4:00 with a few hours up here and there. Today I am getting up. There is a lot of external stress in my life too right now so this is nuts. My hubby has an issue with 3rd cervical vertabrae and a pinched nerve and numbness, tingling, pain in both arms, hands.

Emmy, sorry I am long winded here. I was on a roll tring to get it all out as I remembered.

WW, and i thought the people were strange where i work!!! your poor soul has to be exhausted after dealing with everything that you dealt with that day! i was blown away after reading the entire post. i'm so sorry that they have been such ***** and hurt you...it seems to me that you explained to them what you need and perhaps they did understand, finally, and came up to your area to cover their butts....again, i'm so sorry. this makes the RN that i work around seem like an angel. love, pat

[wisewoman]

Thanks for the validation Favero, I need it. Let me clarify, I did work but came home each day and have been sleeping.

Honey, long winded is GREAT! I envy you. I truly wish I could share the way you, and some others here do. Just add paragraph breaks for us old farts.

Kisses, emmy

[wisewoman]

I didn't tell anyone this but on Fri I got a voice mail from my director stating that she felt like I was over reacting to the whole meeting thin g and that they were trying to address things that continued to be an issue with my job performance. Mind you none of this came up till I asked for help. I also had called our administrative secretary and asked her for the bill for the guys who put the desk unit together. I was nice and explained that the supers didn't like it so I wanted to buy it back and pay for the installation. Anyway, in the director's voice mail she says she is responding to my voice mails. She said I was over reacting and that I would soon be getting a letter from my supervisor. Oh joy. The message I had left the administrative secretary was simple. I goofed, thought the space was going to work out, it didn';t and could I have the bill. She responded telling me not to dismantle anything. Oh goody, now it's going to be monday and I get to look foreward to crap in the mail as well as other crap.. Is it so wrong to ask for aq space that my things won't be moved from, where I can be organized in my own chaotic way? I just wanted a work space that is mine, that no one moves my stuff when I step out to the bathroom or for food. I took another desk topper thing from my hubbie's desk in basement that I hope will fit on my small desk table so that I have room for things. That alone would make all of the difference. I also found a mail holder my daughter made before she died and put that in the car for my office. I dread going to work. This is an old familiar pattern, when I was a kid I would be able to shut down on evenings and weekends but then have to go to school. I developed a great sense of daydreaming and imagination. I am a grown up now so that's not going to help. Whatever is will be and I will be okay.

i wish i could be there to help you tomorrow. i'll be thinking of you and praying that things will go smoothly for you.....pat

[wisewoman]

I was told via voice mail from the director that I was overreacting and that I would be getting a letter from my super re: resonable accomodations. She told me in this voice mail that she wanted varification from my doc. My T has written a draft and my doc got my request today. It feels like an invasion. The other issue is that I am wondering how much of what I say is real and how much it is colored by my eyes? I need honest feedback here. As for the work space, I brought in a shelf thing for the back of the desk and a small cabinet. This means that the console, draw, shelves etc can be free for others. Sneaky me, I am getting the second phone line on my desk. Ha Ha. Still means I have to get a friend to help me partially dismantle the console thing so the phone guy can get back there. I don't think it's my responsibility but if I don't do it, it won't happen. Overly functioning? I got a message from the administrative secretary today that she would like to come down the first time the support staff comes to file for me so she can see the space and make sure all of the legal stuff is hung where it should be. I have always liked her but I got the sense that she felt she was walking on egg shells with me. I don't think I am that nuts! I wish I could just speak with her about what happened. Not that it would matter, and it would just put her in the middle. So objectively, am I outa my tree?

[wisewoman]

I had a message from the director responding to a voice mail I had left her. I remember making the call but I do not remember what I said. It was about 3 hours after the meeting and I was a mess. Anyway she said she was responding to my voicemail and said I was making a big deal out of nothing and all she said was..... She also said my super would be writing me a letter, oh GOODY, something else to look foreward to. She told me she wanted documentation of my "disabilities"

I returned the call and got her voice mail and said "Actually you said this and it really hurt my feelings, I went to great lengths to plan and organize blah blah and you tell me you hate it and It looked like I designed the space just for me". As for the documentation I will look at my ADA site and see what is required by law. Now that last sentence was me getting into a pissing contest and I don't want to do that.(though I bet I pee more)

My T wrote a letter and emailed it to me to approve or disapprove. It spelled it right out clearly. My doc wrote a letter supporting the T's letter and bringing in the back issues and pain meds. So I think I am covered, I am hurt, angry. 16 years at this work.

T says I overfunctioned for such a long time that they just assume I will continue. Great example, after the desk module was put together the phone guys came back and told me they had to change out the phone jack and they couldn't reach behind the module! CRAP! I told the director of my agency, the big guy, nothing was said or done. Fianlly I made a date with the phone guy and arranged to have a friend come help me partially dismantle the thing so the phone guy could get back there and he ended up being 2 hours late! Plus everything fell and I had to resort forms etc. So I come in today and my fax and second line is hooked up but it can't reach to MY desk so I have to get a 25 foot cord to run around in back of the module to the other side of the room where my desk is. All of this just to say what the hell is their problem? THEY SHOULD BE DOING THIS STUFF< NOT ME!

No letter yet and that makes me more anxious. The good thing is I have a great paper trail if they try to pull anything. Man I hate not trusting these people after having known my director and having a good relationship with her for so many years! And I feel hurt that she doesn't care more for me then what she is showing. It's always been yeah okay your kid died now your back and ya have to do the job or get out. Not spoken just hinted at.

[Wants2Fly]

I'm so sorry all these things are piling up, one after another. Sounds grim.

It does make it worse to feel abandoned and/or betrayed by people you have known so long.

(((((((((((((((((((((Wisewoman)))))))))))))))))))))))))