[bananasarecool]

i think my relationship of nearly nine months is drawing to a close.
he's becoming distant and we havent really even talked over the past week or whatever... he wont tell me whats wrong, he is irratable and he repeatedly called me "a bit fat"... which i dont know how to take, especially from a "nice" guy.

i feel like my heart has been ripped out and chewed up and its hurting.
im so hungry my stomach hurts but i feel too sick to eat. i havent showered in days. my hair is a matted mess and my face is pale with purple bags under my eyes.
the last person left that i wanted to be with, the one that made life feel almost bearable; almost meaningful is dissapearing and there is nothing that i can do about it. its funny how attatchments can do that.
i feel sick. i feel tired. i want it all to f*cking stop. i cant take this any more. i cant do it. its like the straw that broke the camels back and im just not strong enough to deal with this.

i think if i get lower i may have to consider a short term stay somewhere to get away from it.
its too much, it sounds pathetic but i dont think i can cope with this right now.

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by bananasarecool

i think my relationship of nearly nine months is drawing to a close.
he's becoming distant and we havent really even talked over the past week or whatever... he wont tell me whats wrong, he is irratable and he repeatedly called me "a bit fat"... which i dont know how to take, especially from a "nice" guy.

i feel like my heart has been ripped out and chewed up and its hurting.
im so hungry my stomach hurts but i feel too sick to eat. i havent showered in days. my hair is a matted mess and my face is pale with purple bags under my eyes.
the last person left that i wanted to be with, the one that made life feel almost bearable; almost meaningful is dissapearing and there is nothing that i can do about it. its funny how attatchments can do that.
i feel sick. i feel tired. i want it all to f*cking stop. i cant take this any more. i cant do it. its like the straw that broke the camels back and im just not strong enough to deal with this.

i think if i get lower i may have to consider a short term stay somewhere to get away from it.
its too much, it sounds pathetic but i dont think i can cope with this right now.

(((((bananasarecool))))) He wont tell you what is gong on? I am like this, I don't like to share how I feel for fear that I will drive my loved ones away. If I do try to tell them they seem to change the subject so they do not have to listen. Does he has his own problems that he has never shared with you? Maybe?

Take a shower it will make you feel better, I know how hard that can be too. But I always feel better after I take one. Sometimes it will take me days to get it done but it sure does help.

Eating is very important. Set some munchies out where you can get at them easy. You will be supprised how much you will nibble.

Hang in there you can do this. Hugs for your day.

[Puffyprue]

(((((((((((((((((((bananarescool))))))))))))))
i dont know what to say.. just could sent you this hugs ..hope its okay and will make u feel okay

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( bananasarecool )))))))))))))))

[3velniai]

how about you do one nice thing for yourself now. It could be a shower, a snack or something totally different. You deserve it. I know it's very hard, but try, at least one small thing. You have to take care of yourself.

[Rohag]

No question here - you are experiencing something genuinely traumatic, and that on top of everything else. Being overwhelmed in this is to be expected; try not to think of yourself as pathetic. I certainly don't.

Rest, be safe. Comfort will come.

[Berries]

Originally Posted by Rohag

No question here - you are experiencing something genuinely traumatic, and that on top of everything else. Being overwhelmed in this is to be expected; try not to think of yourself as pathetic. I certainly don't.

Rest, be safe. Comfort will come.

Originally Posted by 3velniai

how about you do one nice thing for yourself now. It could be a shower, a snack or something totally different. You deserve it. I know it's very hard, but try, at least one small thing. You have to take care of yourself.

Originally Posted by depressedalaskan

(((((bananasarecool))))) He wont tell you what is gong on? I am like this, I don't like to share how I feel for fear that I will drive my loved ones away. If I do try to tell them they seem to change the subject so they do not have to listen. Does he has his own problems that he has never shared with you? Maybe?

Take a shower it will make you feel better, I know how hard that can be too. But I always feel better after I take one. Sometimes it will take me days to get it done but it sure does help.

Eating is very important. Set some munchies out where you can get at them easy. You will be supprised how much you will nibble.

Hang in there you can do this. Hugs for your day.

with Rohag & 3velniai & D.A.

[turquoisesea]

I agree with the others on this one. This isn't at all easy to go through - give yourself credit you're going through a LOT.

So please, try to take care of yourself... shower, I know eating can be hard but try to do as best you can with it. Maybe taking some vitamin pills too if you can't eat a lot might help because then you're giving your body the essential nutrients it needs Maybe some juices too because they're easier to handle and still give you some blood sugar.

Take a shower or bath. Try to enjoy the warmth, if you like warm showers :P
Then, go find some clothes you like and put them on. The favorite ones in your shelf. And if you really can't find one, maybe even go find something in the stores that makes you feel good about YOU. If it makes you feel better to make up the "bags under your eyes" - do it, but remember that those will go away when you're less stressed and get more sleep *and yes I think this WILL happen in time*

Most important, pick one happy activity that you like, or used to like to do... and do it. Just for you. Or try to. Pamper yourself a little, you deserve and need it right now.

sending loads of hugs, please keep us updated, I'll be thinking of you

[Berries]

((((((((((bananasarecool))))))))))

How are you doing today,Bananas?

[bananasarecool]

well, i had a shower... helped a little, getting clean and everything. my rooms a mess though. im... worrying. a lot. about stupid stuff. and i cant shake this feeling... its been getting worse since i started taking the meds, i think... i dont really know though. and then i think well itll all be over after some sleep in the morning... but then thats still anything up to eight hours away. so then i start thinking that theres a closer, quicker and more permanent way out. and it sounds pathetic.
and now im terrified that my parents can find out that im on this site and that they know what im posting because my mom asked me if me and my boyfriend broke up AGAIN today...
i want out. i want it to stop. I DONT WANT TO PLAY ANY MORE.

[bananasarecool]

oh god.. and the finding out about sx thing with the "recipt", and that i havent heard from him, and when i worry, and that things arent going too well.... she said she hopes he isnt going to dump me over that......

im deleting my acc. i have to. oh god...

[depressedalaskan]

bananasarecool

[Berries]

Originally Posted by bananasarecool

oh god.. and the finding out about sx thing with the "recipt", and that i havent heard from him, and when i worry, and that things arent going too well.... she said she hopes he isnt going to dump me over that......

im deleting my acc. i have to. oh god...

(((((((((((bananas)))))))))))

I'm so sorry. Is there no other alternative? Can you put a password on your computer? Can you explain that you need privacy to your mom?

[Rohag]

Dear Bananas, I hope this reaches you one way or another. Leaving the site or not posting for the sake of your privacy is understandable. Doing so will make it difficult or impossible to interact, but it will NOT break the friendships you've established here. Knowledge of a deeply introspective, troubled, intelligent, absolutely delightful young woman will remain with us.

Be safe, nurture kindness toward yourself, grow. May you find your own happiness.