a mess

I feel like a mess. I slept most of the day today and now I am awake much later than I have been in a long time (with the help of lots of caffeine.) I feel numb and alone. I wonder what the point of it all is. Every time I sleep I have nightmares and wake up feeling worse. I know it is related to my depression. I'm scared that I will start getting worse, and I wont notice and neither will anyone around me since I recently moved. I don't trust anyone to be able to tell them. And with my new T, I don't trust her enough yet, and don't know if she would notice. I feel like a mess. I didn't know moving was going to be this hard.

I think you have to trust your new T. She must be used to hearing things like what you posted here. In the meantime, if you care to share specific concerns, I think people here will have information, will give support, and will respect your confidentiality. I know I will. I don't have anyone to tell but the cat. Do you have any idea what causes your nightmares. Change in psych meds can sometimes do this. I have the opposite problem. Most of my dreams are of the wish-fulfillment variety, which makes me want to sleep at all times! Standing By to Support You ~ billieJ

Hey my dearest friend....

Now you know about the caffiene... The more you take before bed, the more your brain is going to continue to work.. The brain Never sleeps. And with caffiene added your brains going go into hyper mode.
Which will of course heighten those nasty dreams
Getting up worse is because you're brain did not sleep but continued to try and work things up - yet the brain get all the days stimulation all combined into a big ugly mixed mess.

It is a complete bummer moving, changing, trusting, - But moving MUST be in your destiny...
Some kind of change... Forcing you to Not remain Idle.

You've got ALOT on your plate... new house, new neighbors, new therapist.

And TRUST is a major major issue.

The only one I would be concerned with now is the relationship between you and your therapist.

Hope this helped a bit

(((((((((((((( googley )))))))))))))))))))))

I agree that the caffeine is probably making your dreams worse. Take good care of yourself, try doing things that you enjoy that helps to relax you.
It may help you to open up to your new T, I know it can be hard when you havent developed a strong relationship but opening up with things like this helps to develop trust.

One year ago, I moved half way across the country for the first time in 25 years. Moving is HARD!!!! You are NOT alone.

I'm told it is extrememely distressing for people w/o MI. But add MI to it and it can be devestating.

Getting a new T is HARD too.

But it gets better. I love my T now. The move is still giving me problems, though.

Hang in there.

Thank you all for your replies. I am having such a hard weekend. I feel so empty and alone. All I have to keep me company is my homework, and that just doesn't make me feel any better. I just want to curl up in a ball. I haven't felt this bad in a long time. I don't know where it is coming from. With my new T who I don't really trust yet, it leaves me with no one to talk to. And I don't want to bother the few people who I do know by calling them. Even though I know that I don't do this it seems like I only call them when I feel bad. Which in the end always makes me pretend to feel fine when I call them. But I still can't get myself to tell them anything. I'm afraid that they will be like "enough is enough" you are too hard of a friend. It's not like they call me every as it is. Why does it always have to be me? I feel so alone. I really don't see what the point of all this work is. It's not like it ever really gets better. No matter how hard I try. I always end up in the same place. Empty and alone.

I feel for you, i just moved and am all alone again. Do you live alone? have you thought of getting an animal to keep you company? please feel free to talk with me or pm me, i know how the move and the lonliness is, that is exactly what i am doing, it is causeing major depression for me all alone. it is good that you have found a T already, i still haven't insurance is holding me back and the fact that i am not sure i want to get back in to an office to talk with a stranger...

((((((((((((((((((((googley))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sorry you're having a hard time (((((googley))))). Getting settled in new surroundings is difficult, especially when you are dealing with depression. Try to open up to your new T - give your T the chance to help you - you will find out more quickly if your new T is a good fit for you; if not, then you can find one who is worthy of your trust. If you are going to feel uncomfortable calling your friends, just jump on PC and talk to us - someone's always here to hear and support you now matter how many times you post, no matter what you need to say. It takes time to really understand how your depression effects you - you know what they say, "Know thine enemy." It takes time to develop the coping skills necessary to continue functioning and caring for yourself despite how you feel. Please be patient with yourself; berating yourself for having difficulty dealing with your situation only serves to make you feel worse. Learn to acknowledge and reward yourself for every single little positive accomplishment - make those accomplishments much more important than your mis-steps. Please keep posting.

(((((((((((googley)))))))))))

Here is to a new week. I hope this week proves to be better than the weekend. You deserve it!!

((((((((((((((((( googley ))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((googley)))))))))))))))

During the week is better when I am in class. It gives me something I can distract myself with. But I don't have class everyday so it is mixed. Yesterday I had classes most of the day so that was good. Today I only have classes tonight so that is challenging. I hope everyone else it doing well.

*Following quietly and wishing you the best, especially with weekends and your new therapist*