They Call Themselves Doctors?

I just wanted to share what my two therapists have told me. Since I have been going to them (one male and one female) in July I have had my Effexor doubled and they added Lymectal (sp). The ONLY advice I have received thus far; I am seeing the male for marriage counciling and he told me that I need to "pleasure" my husband 22 times a month to keep him happy . And the female I see told me that I need to lose weight and when I do I wont need to self medicate by shopping and my depression will go away . I don't feel that either of these is the solution. 7 months of counciling and that is what I have .

Just wanted to share my frustrations. I have an appointment with the doc Thursday and I am going to them I need to see someone else in the clinic. I think this is ridiculous.

Jeez, your name just about sums up the situation Hopeless!!! Get some serious professional help seriously.

Paddy

You're the head of your medical care team. Your doctors and therapists are simply the assistants you hire to do the job of helping you recover. If you are not happy with their work, you have every right to fire them and hire professionals who will work better with you.

I've done it several times.

Yeah, they do sound like a couple of lemons.

Hi, Hopeless_2010! Let me see if I've got this straight:

One caretaker wants you to assume (total?) responsibility for your husband's well-being through his sexual fulfillment; the other caretaker wants you to lose weight to improve your self-image to the point where shopping is less a part of your life. And they've prescribed Effexor and Lamictal:

• Effexor: “Expected side effects are increased appetite and weight gain.” [I'm sure not everyone experiences this.]
• Lamictal: “For women, taking oral contraceptives can decrease the level of Lamictal, so Lamictal doses may need to be adjusted when a woman starts oral contraceptives.” [Again, any individual's reaction may be unique.]

You can't make this stuff up.

Edit: To clarify, my comments stem from a long-term complaint of my own, that different doctors/caretakers frequently don't communicate with one another regarding the same patient. This can lead to treatments at odds with desired outcomes.

Clearly you don't trust your doctors. Even if your doctors are giving you helpful advice (clearly they are NOT), if you don't trust them you need to find someone you do trust. I'm looking for a new psycaristrist, my first one was great but he closed his practice. My therapist is awsome, and she has helped me more than medications have.

hopeless, sometimes I feel like we need to just grab our doctors by the shoulders and say "you're not listening! listen to me! listen to what I AM SAYING!"

22 times a month...I would have had a hard time not smacking that guy, sorry.

Best of luck with seeing someone new.

OK let me get this straight....(sarcasm is forthcoming)

If you lose weight and screw your husband 22 days a month (even if you may not feel like it) then your life will be "fixed".

That is nuts!!! 22 times a month. I would get a female for the marriage counseling and would love to know where he came up with that number! He is giving you 8 days a month to have a period, a sickness, a bad day, or just not to be in the mood!!

Your other therapist....lose weight and all of your problems will be solved. OMG!! These people should not be giving advice to anyone!!

Forgive me for not getting names in here yet...I am learning and there are so many of you I want to thank.

(Rohag) I do know that a lot of meds have sexual side effects and I am sure that is a lot of the problem. My general pract. that put me on it said so at that time. And as for the contraceptives I am not any. Had the tubes tied after my twins. When the psyciatrist talked to me he asked if there was anything he could do and I said yes give me something to make me sexual active and he laughed and told me I would have to talk to a GYN about that .

(LoveBirdsFlying) I completely agree and I do intend to forget that. I think a lot of us do. We are HIRING them for a service and if we don't like it we FIRE them right

(Susan888) Ya well HE says that there is stress in my marriage is because I don't satisfy him and he gets stressed and that is what causes issues. And yes...I spend money and don't have any regards for paying the bills and we have been evicted from four houses in 2 years because of it and I want it to stop. I am BEGGING for help. I know what is wrong with my marriage and it is that my husband gets stressed with my spending and shopping issues. If I could STOP that then he would be happy and I would be happy and yadda yadda. So she tells me that I am self medicating because of the depression which is no self esteem and that if I lose weight than I will quite self medicating and I will have friends and again, yadda yadda ....

I am looking forward to going tomorrow and letting them know how I feel and that is HARD for me to do in PERSON. I would rather hide behind the computer or send a text message but my family and life is suffering so BAD I have to do this !!!

Thanks for your responses all of you! And thanks for making me feel so welcome here

Why, yes, didn't you see that in the latest DSM update?

Im so sorry to hear about your dillema with these incompotent "manequins"with blinkers on.Trust me not all psychiatrists are like that.I may sound a bit cliched here but you need to shop around for someone who is compassionate and acts on their words.You have more of a chance of rustling feathers in the wild and screaming through the forrest than with these some heartless coldfish. I have seen a fair few of therapist/Psychitrist and i do share you pain and frustration as one Psychiatrist in particular I was was recommended to (after my stint in hospital),I saw him twice i think. He conducted his mandatory profile of me and second time prescribed me PROZAc and concluded that there was nothing wrong with me and bluntly said "oh....there is nothin wrong with you clininically youve just wasted the best part of your life and are having regrets....but these meds will help you.....(well why give me these meds you pharacey????)Mind you this was after bein discharged from the funny farm had been assaulted by the police who took me there and JABBED me in the arm with who knows what. I wondered what cereal box did he subscribe to get his qualifications from??? PLEASE shop around and believe in yourself and be compassionate on your crisis you deserve full cooperation and not just a doctor but one who can also be your mentor.TAKE CARE!!!!

OMG! It makes you wonder. When I couldn't get in to see my regular doctor I was forced to see one of his associates. I told her I didn't like the side effects of the current antidepressant I was on and wanted to try a new one. She took out the little "quiz" they give you, and I didn't even give her honest answers. I was feeling suicidal but I did not share that bit of information with her. I just said things like the first of my children is moving out of the house etc. When she finished and did the calculation, she said "You are too severely depressed for me to treat. You are beyond my comfort zone." So not only did she not give me a new ad, she didn't even refill my Rx for the old one.

She apparently filled in my regular doctor with this "new" information. He scolded her and I got a call about an hour later from his nurse stating the new Rx was called into the pharmacy and that there were now standing orders that if I call to see him, no matter what is going on I get an appointment. He had me come in shortly after to check on the new meds and made her come into the room to apologize for her unprofessional behavior.

Im sorry to hear about that Hopeless 2010. Fortunately Ive have good professional help. Both my psychiatrist and therapist were very kind and helpful. With respect to your case I guess keep trying to find a therapist that works for you. Sometimes it takes time to build trust and get results. However the counsellors you mentioned seem pretty useless. If you want to chat to me more about my experience feel free to PM me,

Peter

I have been thinking about this post all day. The advice you've been getting sounds more like something from the 40s/50s rather than current advice. I've never ever heard of a reputable therapist telling a client they need to pleasure their spouse, let alone such an unrealistic amount of times. 22! That every day that you don't have a period for crying out loud. I have a healthy sex life, but to be honest we haven't hit 22 times a month since our third month of marriage.

Do find a new therapist. The information you've been getting is not only unhealthy, it's unprofessional and unethical. That 22 times a month thing really disturbs me, that nut job needs to be reported.

Well I went to my appointment today and saw the psychiatrist and he added another 25 mg of Lamectil and perscribed me a sleeping pill. I am not picking them up until tomorrow but I know it started with a T (I think). I talked to the female therapist (shes like 24) and told her how I felt. I told her I did not want to see the male therapist anymore as I was NOT happy with what has been going on. I told her today that he told me back in November that he knew what was wrong with me but I had to figure it out for myself. She said that was NOT fair and that was like dangling the answer in front of me and not letting me have it. She wants to see me on a weekly basis now rather than bi-weekly. The psychiatrrist said that me getting some sleep should start to turn things around. I told my therapist my MAIN goal I want to get through is spending money. She told me, "well I told you to budget" and I told her I cant. It is NOT that easy! GRRRRR . Anyway, we will see if the meds change anything. I just want to get BETTER

Thanks for all your support and letting me know that I wasn't crazy by not liking what they had to say.

OH and as for the pleasuring part...he told me that men need to be pleasured 22x a month in order to be stress free. Well you know what? THEY HAVE HANDS !!

Even if that nonsense were true, how does it follow that YOU are responsible for HIM being stress-free? You're right. They have hands.

By the way, overspending is possibly a sign of bipolar. Is that one of your diagnoses? Did you mention it to your p-doc?

As far as practical advice (and I agree with you, let's see if the meds make any difference) what about writing down everything you spend money on? This will help you see where it's going and what you're most likely to spend on. Figure out what need it's meeting, and if you can meet that need some other way. (Hint: Losing weight ain't gonna make a dang bit of difference.)

Well sure then if he needs attention 22 times per month to be stress free then heck we sure don't want him to feel stressed now do we?

I am thinking if somebody would wash my dishes and do my laundry and carry the two hundred pounds of horse feed I bought today to the barn and then massage my feet I would feel a bit less stressed.

oooookay, you have been EVICTED FOUR TIMES IN TWO YEARS because of your spending??? you are BEGGING for help??? if you are begging for help and need to know how to fix things, you would be willing to take suggestions and try things. i'm sorry to just lay this out there but it sounds to me like you are not willing to admit what is really wrong and are not willing to take any blame.

in order to stop you need to do something else. you can't break a habit. you can only replace it with a better one. something non self destructive. i'm not saying that being with your man 22times a month is that solution, but have u even tried??

sorry, but if you know what is wrong you must know how to fix it right?? well apparently not. so instead of just thinking what they are saying is crap, why dont you give it a chance. devote yourself for one month to doing what both of them suggest and if after that one month nothing has changed then you should re-consult them. but that requires devoting to doing it whole heartedly and not undermining and *****ing about it the whole time.

also, starting by getting a good night's sleep IS one of the best and most important things. i'm speaking from experience. i just spend 4 out of the last 5 months like an insomniac. EVERYTHING is thrown off when your sleep is off. so yea.you should start with that. if you are really and truly committed to change and really and truly want it, you will do what ever is necessary. i started keeping a daily journal of my sleep, mood, and diet so that i could become more aware of howi was feeling and treating myself. which is exactly what abudget is and does. so why dont you try the same??
write everyday how much sleep you got, what your mood is like (i rate mine out of 10), what you eat, and what you spend. by doing that you are at least becoming aware of if any of those 4 things triggers one of the other 3.

i realize this message might be a bit much to swallow. please just consider it as tough love.
wishing you success!

Thanks for your advice LittleMissSunshine but I completely disagree. I am NOT going to pleasure my husband 22x a month to "try it". I will NOT do something that I don't believe in. My husband and I have talked about our problems and our only problem that need immediate attention is the spending. He gets stressed when there isnt any money left to pay the bills. And I don't blame him. Spending money doesnt make me feel any better either. If sex needs to be written on a calander as a CHORE then the marriage is not worth saving. The weight part..sure, I have been doing some exercising and changed my diet since New Years Eve but I am doing that for ME not for my therapist. I need it for me because of my health.

I have tried budgets and its NOT that simple at all. Just because it is written on a piece of paper and hung on your wall doesnt mean when I go to the store I care about that piece of paper.

Yes I DO know what is wrong and NO I don't know how to fix it. That is why I am in counciling and the only things I have gotten out of it are sex and weight. Oh yes, and the budget. If I didn't want the help I would not be paying the money I have been for 7 months to go to a therapist ??!!

My p-doc says that they need to get the meds figured out and that will help a lot. And one more thing...I DO keep a journal tracking my sleep and my moods and such. I have been since last October.

LoveBirdsFlying ~ I did talk to the p-doc about being bi-polar and he really seems to think that if we find the right meds and if I get more sleep that things will work out OK. I told him all about my spending and he says yes they are manic but not manic as going out and maxing a credit card with thousands of dollars, or buying cars ect. So we shall see. I really impressed myself Friday when I was filling out my son's book order for school. I kept marking and marking and going through my head is they need new books and this is educational. Well the order totaled 78.00 . I talked to myself and said that was uneeded and went through and erased all but the two books that he wanted. His total was 13.00 I was so proud of myself. Baby steps right?

Thanks for your SUPPORT

Yoda ~ Your right on the money! I think if someone did my dishes and my laundry *for 7*, my sweeping, dusting, mopping, vacuuming, cleaning bedrooms, making beds, etc. I might have more energy to have sex 22 times a month ???

Well, if sex could cure money and weight problems I know what we would all be doing right? Seriously the Doctor was way out of order to tell you to have sex in order to put things right. I'd love to see the evidence/research the Doctor has done that proves that sex can do these amazing things. Not only that but being forced to have sex is classed as rape when it's not consenting. So yeah, please consider seeing a proper Doctor that has been trained in psychotherapy for your issues.

Amen, Peg!

Thanks Pegasus and LoveBirds!! I appreciate the support. I have one LAST visit with this "doctor" on the 28th and I am going to ask him where he got his "diagnosis" of the sex factor. I will make sure to share with all of you

Yeah I would ask him if his "theory" is research based evidence practice or his own speculation based on ?

When I was in one outpatient program there was one therapist who said some of the most ridiculous things. Way out there. I was often asking where she learned that, what journal she read that in,... She never had a source; they were things that she "knew". I mean this lady was absurd. I finally had a meeting with the manager and told her some of the "wisdom" the therapist taught and advised her to sit in on a few sessions to hear for herself what absurd things she said.

I bought a book on ebay titled "Critical Thinking in Psychology: Separating Sense from Nonsense" and gave it to the idiot therapist. It was my own way of poking fun at her but yet in a way that she didn't realize it was a joke. She thanked me and smiled. I smiled demurely. I hope she learned something from the book but I have my doubts.

Hopeless,
I say run don't walk to the next T, and fast. I'm shocked with what they told you. You must feel really bad. First of all, this isn't medieval times with husbands having to have their way daily. My husband is lucky if he gets it twice a month let alone 22 times. and losing weight, really.... if only real life was that easy. I think finding a new therapist will make a huge difference to you getting some great counselling. Good luck