Numbness

I'm still recovering from a bout of major depression and anxiety in 2007 that caused a complete breakdown. A great counselor has led me out of the pit and my life is getting closer to normal. But I still worry because, on a "good" day, I'm basically just numb. Not overly sad, but not happy or able to look forward to anything. I feel I'm just going through the motions (excuse the cliche'). I still have no interest in things that used to enjoy. I just really don't care what happens day to day. My counselor and I have discussed lots of methods to get around this but nothing is moving me.
I've been on 20mg of Lexapro for the last year, 10 mg the year before. I wonder how much of this is drug related (if any).
I'm even apathetic about being apathetic. I know its not normal. Has anyone else experienced this?

Oh, yes!!! I enthusiastically identify with apathy. It's one of the most conspicuous characteristics of my own depression.

I know exactly how you feel and have been through the same thing with breakdowns, etc. Lexapro can have a numbing effect, which is why it's good for anxiety, but not so great at times for severe depression. You may want to discuss this with your psychiatrist. I can totally relate to apathy, especially since I'm going through this right now. I am totally numb most of the time. The only time I'm not numb is when I'm angry because of how horrible my life is. I hope you can find peace and a new reason to go on. I'm looking for the same thing.

You should be very concerned about your symptom of apathy. Day after day of your life can be utterly lost to lethargy and listlessness. A life can be destroyed by perpetual apathy. So do whatever you have to do to overcome it.

Yes - anger is the one thing I can feel. It's usually not related to any one person, event, or thing. I usually don't know why but it permeates the entire day - noises, movement, voices, personal issues, world issues, and everyone I meet irritate me. It might be my shoes, a belt, etc. It may sound funny but that's how it goes each time. It's like coming off a drug.
My rational mind knows this isn't normal but it's not something I can talk myself through. I don't feel violent or anything like that. It's an internal frustration that wears me out by day's end. I avoid people so I don't make them miserable.
I know this may be tied to depression and I've learned plenty of strategies to use for such times. But they just don't work.

Lately i avoid people too Scottish 1 and it makes me feel bad, I can def relate there.

It's like walking around in a bubble.

yep , i agree, sometimes, Im numb, too, trying to get stronger, for myself and a friend who i want to be there for.

I wonder if maybe apathy is a transition from depression to a more normal living experience. I cant help but to wonder if my apathy at times is a defense mechanism against the overwhelming pain I experience. Its like sensory overload and the system just shuts down. I try to use that disconnect to work through some of those issues that are other times too much for me to deal with. That's my cycle anyways. There is a serious downside to it though. It does have a tendency to make me feel lonely and that I can't relate to people very well.

I feel the same.

What I can't figure out is how I got here.

I went from a fully confident, I can do anything person, to a basket case in a matter of days,

I think apathy is a kind of learned helplessness; the thought that nothing will ever change so why bother. To combat apathy, I force myself to do one easy thing. It does not matter what. Eventually, I do things that I have been putting off for awhile. The doing often leads to more doing.

Good luck.

Lots of good points to consider. Thanks to all. owen 2110, that's a long way in a short time. Care to share?

i understand the numbness and almost the hollow thinking with no emotions and then somethin inappropriate and rude will come out of my mouth from nowhere and you question why did i just say that or do that. I find myself flat, i blame the depression and the meds and the way im feeling . You have others her to talk to that are similiar

If you can, I would check with your Pdoc. There is something off if the best you can do is apathy. that alone can put you back in life at least as far as the melancholy. Good luck with that.