Well, I did it. This morning I was supposed to go into my part-time job, and I got up and said "screw it" and quit. The time I spent in the hospital, when I had to call and explain why I couldn't be there, all I got was pressure on how I HAVE to be there all the time, how I HAVE to be available for nights, and weekends, how she isn't sure of my reliability anymore, how she has other people she can promote if I won't do this, etc.

Right now, I have too many HAVE TO's in my life to do one more for $6.50 an hour. I can't compromise my new job that pays alot more for her, and being told that there are other people to promote really didn't do alot for my self-esteem.

Then yesterday I tried to call my parents all day at home and on the cell. The home line was "busyed out" so all I got was that annoying beep, beep sound......and they didn't answer/return the cell phone calls. It also pushed me over the edge again because I knew that "Mary Alice had disappointed us again".

I finally got thru to them and when I asked if they were mad at me (geez I sound like I'm 5 years old), my mom made fun of my tone and said "are you going to be a good girl now"?

Point taken - punishment understood [sigh]. I screwed up again and paid the price. It seems like right now anything will shatter me into pieces and I hate that. It took so much effort out of me to stay in control during that time at the hospital - one more day and I couldn't have held it together.

Ahhhhhh, life is grand. And on top of it, Alex is sick with a cold which means he runs temps and I have to watch him so closely. Damn my promise to my T.........grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Mary Alice

[Peanut61]

What matters is YOU right now, {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}} = tis obvious that 'others' in your life have their own 'issues' (to say the least), and I'm so sorry that they hurt you, but don't take their crap on yourself, especially not right now. This is survival day to day right now, and whom you may or may not have 'disappointed' (blewee on that and them) is irrelevant, (but I know very hurtful) right now. We love you, {{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}, and I sure hope little ((((((((Alex)))))))) starts to feel better soon!! XOXO!!

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT </font color=blue>

[SeptemberMorn]

Right on, Mary Alice! Good for you for telling that person to take their job and shove it! Sounds like you need to do the same thing to your parents, at least temporarily. JEEZ!! You suppose they are part of the problem instead of part of the solution?? Release that pressure and I'll bet you'll rise a little!

Wishing the best for Alex!

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Rapunzel]

Good for you! You stood up for yourself. Why should you have to put up with that garbage? You're better than that.

xoxoxo and an extra xo for Alex - I hope he is better soon.

Wendy

<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>

Ty Jill, but my main problem has always been that I don't matter in the scheme of things - not what I want, not what I need to do.........I exist to do for all the other ppl in my life, except here on this forum.

I have never felt so vulnerable..........being held overnight like that was enlightening, so say the least.

Alex is slightly better, but going to school tomorrow with the other germ-infested children will set him back somewhat.

You mean the world to me as well, Jill.

{{{{{{{{Sept}}}}}}}}}}}

I liked my job, but I don't feel bad about it. My outer me is more than capable of handling a better job and I got sick of being told what I "have to do".

Yes, my parents are part of the problem.......aren't they always? . I love them dearly, but there is a line, there are expectations and unspoken rules. I know all of them and never cross the line if I can because I will be shut out. I crossed it the other day and retribution was fast.

::::::::::kissing Alex for you:::::::::::::::::::

Mary Alice

{{{{{{{{{{Wendy}}}}}}}}}}}}} I have missed you lately.

One of the few times I did stand up for myself. Ty for the compliment.

I'm working on getting Alex better but going back to school will set him back.

I also did another amazing thing today..........I sat my husband down and told him the truth - I couldn't stand him bad-mouthing my T and threatening him......now the stress around here begins......he never thought I would do such a thing.

xoxoxox

[LadyDragus]

((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))))00
I can understand the sick kid.. My 15 month old has a bad cold too.. tis the season for allgeries, to kick us when we are up and when we are down... I do not like this time of year, the weahter does not know which way is up or down..

Lots of hugs and "chicken soup" for the soul...

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}

I got busy the last couple of days and I've missed being here. Trying to get caught up again.

My husband accused me of knowing all of you better than I know him.

I'm proud of you for standing up to your husband too! You are making progress.

Take good care of yourself, and Alex too.

Wendy

<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>

Thanks Lady you do indeed understand about children with one so small..........how I wish I could shrink Alex back to that size.

{{{{{{{{Wendy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Progress?????? Omg, that means there is an improvement? where???

Ty, but I got so tired of listening to him talk so badly and when my T calls, to be in the background yelling obscenities.......not a pleasant thing to hear (and my T has heard him).

Take care of that husband ......but I did miss ya.

[Rapunzel]

Standing up for yourself! You did it twice in a row! Way to go, Mary Alice!

Thanks for missing me. xoxoxox I'm sure I'll get behind periodically, but I'll be back.

Wendy

<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>

[sigh] if ya didn't, I'd have to come looking for you.......so unless you want me hounding you, check in.......j/k

Mary Alice

[Rapunzel]

I'm not hard to find. My e-mail and weblog URL are on my profile. I hope you keep checking in too. I still worry about you.

<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>

Mmmmm, that makes two of us. I feel like I'm on a teeter-totter, and each day depends. I appreciate you caring.

Thank you.

[LadyDragus]

ya, I wish I could keep my Jess this size for the rest of her life, but then again, I cant wait to buy her some of those pretty sunday dresses and cant wait for her to say mommie I want my ears peirced.. Or something else.. But i think i will take it all in stride, becasue both of my childern are a gift from God. Gives me a chance to dot on them and not really get in trouble with anyone.. Because I am allowed to spoil them.. Right

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[heidu]

I'm just here wishing you the best as always :O)
Heidu

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
~ Carl Bard ~

(image)http://us.greet1.yimg.com/img.greetings.yahoo.com/g/img/mmm/himm.gif(/image)

[kvinneakt]

Good for you clearly setting some boundaries with your husband. You know he is going to be challenged to test them. Stick to it!

I am cheering for you!

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are

[PlanningtoLive]

Lady, it is never spoiled........lol. "Well Loved".



Mary Alice

[PlanningtoLive]

And what would I do without you, Heidu? You are so special, ty.

Mary Alice

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{{{Kv}}}}}}}}}}}}}} challenged isn't the word.......lol. More stressed here for sure, but I'm trying. Ty.........

Mary Alice

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{PlanningToEXIST}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}



Mary Alice, does this mean what I think it does? I knew you would come out of it. Had that feeling all along. We can still worry about each other though, okay?

Wendy

<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>

[LadyDragus]

ya,I know..
I will have to send you an email with the link of my daugthers so you can see it..

Oh it is on "our" Group page..
in a post I left ok..
I love your new name..
So postive....
Good Luck..
(((((((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))))

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{{{Wendy}}}}}}}}}}}} I am trying.....I made a promise to my T and I have to keep it. It isn't easy. Today I told my husband and my parents the truth........they thought he was "out to get me" and were saying really bad things and my sense of "honor"? wouldn't let that continue. They never thought that "Mary Alice would do such a thing."

Now they know different. Did it help to tell them? No......because like I told my T today - things will be okay for awhile and then they will all brush it to the side and forget about it. As long as I act ok and look ok, I must "be" ok. But at least I told them and my poor T won't get himself shot....lol.

I'm taking it one day at a time, with him on call to talk to me if I feel any impulses or want to act on them. I will always worry about you, because you matter. xoxoxox

Mary Alice

[PlanningtoLive]

Ty Lady **********hugs************** If you need something or someone, holler, okay? I still worry and always will about my friends.

Mary Alice