What Are They Waiting For???

Where are the people who claim to love you when you need them? Why do they wait for it to be too late? Why do they not take depression seriously? They don't want you dead but they treat you like your already dead. Is that why they ignore you? Are they really just hoping you end your life so they don't have to deal with you? I don't understand my family's values. Why are people so selfish? Especially family? I have no one who really cares about me...no one.

That sucks. You would hope family would care the most, but not always. You have to find people that care. I care.

My family pushes me away because I can't forgive people that have hurt me. My mother has been the one who has hurt me more than anyone in my life. Not being able to forgive is going to kill me? But do I really have to forgive to begin to heal and feel happy again? I am sure the abuse from my mother will continue tills she passes. She has been abusing me for years. I put up with it for so long but now that I have tried fighting back it has backfired on me. My family thinks I should just get over it. If it were that easy I would be dealing with it at 47.

Hi, Goodgirl62! Sounds as if your family believes in the "We'll berate you until your self-image improves" school of thought.

The question of the interrelationship of forgiveness and healing is exceptionally complex. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with any of the explanations of it I've heard or read.

For what it's worth, the following is a quote from Nina W. Brown, Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents (2nd Edition, c. 2008, New Harbinger Publications), p. 242:

Hey goodgirl62,

I hope things start to turn around for you. Be strong, hang in there. It sounds like you have had a lot to deal with in your life and have every right to be angry. My advice would be to try and find a therapist or councilor who understands abuse - someone to talk with who can be on your side. I think the people that abuse us can't see what they have done wrong. It's like they have their own pain that they have had forever, but they don't know how to deal with it so they pass it right on. But we do not deserve it. No way. I think the best way to deal with it is to understand that you have a right to be angry (you don't have to forgive right now - or even ever). But a therapist can help you deal with the anger. Are you living with your family now? Are you able to be apart from them? They don't sound like a good influence. Can you get some distance and find some consolation with a new group of friends for a while... maybe a dog park, something on meetup.com?

Why is everyone in love with forgiveness? Seems to be that forgiving someone who has so wronged you is a betrayal of yourself... and You are the one who will be with you for the rest of your life.

Be true to the one in the mirror, first.

I totally relate to you! I HAD to disown my family because I had no support while my father abused me for years. Everyone says to just get over it......well....NO....that IS NOT possible!! If I have zero family support to help me through my pain, then I have no family. I understand with your pain, and I am sorry you are suffering.

You are right. I call it punishment until submission. I would rather die...

Hey you. My therapist actually recommended that book to me. Maybe we can read it together? Alsn want to say I am here.

No way...that's the name of a book? I am going to Google it right now! Thanks Futz.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this with your family! I'm going through the same thing with my family. Mainly my husband. I wish I could give you some answers. I'm trying to get them myself. But if you ever need anyone to talk to you can pm me. I'm usually on here all the time and if I'm away I will get back to you as soon as I can. Just remember that we are all here for you and we care about you! Hugs ( if ok )

I looked up that book too. There is another one that looks interesting: Toxic Parents... anyone read this one?

Goodgirl, there is also a website called Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. It is a support site like this one, but focused on that one issue. It is pretty intense. You should Google it.

I feel that way too...never really had a big family, mom and older sis are alcoholics (mom now has dementia but we were never close anyways)I used to think I was living for my son, but he doesn't even give a crap now...so now it's like I really have absolutely nobody who gives a crap...I have big dreams I'm trying to accomplish but it really hurts when you're doing it alone...makes me wonder everyday is it really worth it....

I only really have my daughter but she is about to be 18 and the family in Fla is already trying to get her to move down there. My eyes are burning from crying all weekend, I am physically exhausted and haven't done anything. Why do people think depression is all in your head? I haven't had a prescription antidepressant that has taken my pain away yet. Yeah, is it worth it?

This quote that I have posted before will always be meaningful to me:

“One who shows signs of mental aberration is, inevitably, perhaps, but cruelly, shut off from familiar, thoughtless intercourse, partly excommunicated; his isolation is unwittingly proclaimed to him on every countenance by curiosity, indifference, aversion, or pity, and in so far as he is human enough to need free and equal communication and feel the lack of it, he suffers pain and loss of a kind and degree which others can only faintly imagine, and for the most part ignore.” ~Charles Horton Cooley

Forgiveness is not a betrayal of yourself. It is recognizing that harboring the anger, bitterness and anger of a victim is affecting your health. Forgiving is a way to take back control of your life,

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/for...1/METHOD=print

Hey Goodgirl62,
I really do urge you to look into finding a therapist. Meds are ok but they don't work well on their own. Studies have shown that the first remedy for depression today is the mix of talk therapy along with medication. I know how you feel... I have had whole days spent in bed with nothing but tears. It's not a good feeling. But there is hope... if you have insurance you can look up a psychotherapist in the directory or if not, call a health clinic and have them direct you. Many therapists will pro-rate if they know you need to pay out of pocket. That's what I do. True, it's not cheap but I'm not sure I would be here without it.

Good question...now my son goes around about everyday calling me "crazy"...He is really driving me too the point I'm ready to call his grandma to go live with her since as he's said over and over, "I'm not a nice mom like his friends think"(he was saying this even before I slipped into this blackhole) At least you have your daughter, my son has been telling me since he was 12 that when he turns 16(Nov. of next year) he's going to court to get emancipated ...Meds haven't helped me either...