[Beautifully_Broken]

Never mind.
Apparently it's obvious I'm a teenager because of my "anger" & that you've all been there.
I doubt it.
Do not compare yourselves to me.
You have no clue what it is like to be me.
I hate people who say they#ve been there, they haven't, they do not live my life & saying "you must be a teenager" is the incing on the cake of how much you don't know & understand.
Being a teenager means NOTHING.
If anything, it makes having more than 10 illnesses/disorders/difficulties even worse.
Urgh.

Beautifullybroken, How could you feel yourself to be a "Lost Cause"? Has someone judged you to be one? So you are young, , that means you are going through the hardest part of your life, I don't want to go back there again!
It all hurt too much, I had no way to cope-now i have ways to cope i didn't have back then.
I have no idea what your heartbreaks are, or how you are dealing with them...
this is the first time I have replied to one of your threads; but it breaks my heart to hear you say that no one knows your suffering--of course no one knows truly what anyone else suffers here---we are all unique individuals, with unique problems and hardships. This does not mean that we cannot reach out to you, share, listen and care about you. You are so angry, you hurt so much. We are here (((HUGS)))-theo

[Beautifully_Broken]

I am sorry.
I should not speak.
It is not allowed.
I can not take my mask off.
I am sorry.

I have many masks also--I wear them because i am afraid no one would really like me at all if they knew the real me. Yes, even at my age, I am petrified of showing myself completely as i am to anyone.
Only children do this, are real and show themselves as they truly are, they haven't been hurt -yet. Then they are hurt, and they learn to put on their masks-the ones that please others, the ones that society will accept.

I think i get what you mean- am i right? It's okay to wear your mask.

You need it now. No need to be sorry- --hugs- theo

[Beautifully_Broken]

I need to wear it because I can't be vulnerable.
I need to wear it so then everybody thinks I am okay.
Even though inside I am torn & tattered & shattering.
But it is okay.
I can not be vulnerable.
I made a fool of myself, I showed emotion, I showed too much of it, I got angry when I edited my post, and it made me vulnerable, my original post I didn't think was angry... more hopeless & helpless sounding... but someone upset me, hurt me, felt vulnerable, felt very upset and angry, felt judged, felt patronized, and felt down played, like it didn't matter, like I didn't matter, so it doesn't matter, the post itself does not matter, therefore I edited it, I released too much emotion into my words, now I cannot edit it, and I wish I could, wish I never created this thread, too vulnerable, mustn't take this mask off, can't take it off, have to be okay, have to be fine, must control self, must pretend, it doesn't matter, I do not matter, I do not deserve any support, love, care whatsoever, I was wrong, I was so stupid to think I could post for support, I never deserve it, I don't deserve it, I never did, I just wanted to post what was going through my mind, but I don't deserve support, therefore the point of the thread is meaningless.
I am sorry for posting and wasting time.
I am sorry.

Want to fade now, want to fade from my mind, too loud, too messy.

Sending you hugs if that's OK. I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. I know you said that nobody understands what it's like to be you. And you're right that we don't know how your life is. But I can relate to the frustration of people saying "You're just a teenager. It's hormones, etc." Sometimes it seems like mental health professionals will only take one seriously until they reach adulthood, and that hurts.

Also, you are not a fool for posting, and you do deserve support. It is perfectly ok to express your emotions, even though sometimes it seems easier to keep them locked up inside. Is there a way that you can express your emotions safely, like keeping a journal?

I hope you are feeling better soon. If possible, please keep us updated on how you're doing.

You deserve support as much as everyone here does! You are worth every bit of support you can get! You are allowed to get as angry as you like here, and vent and rant and howl at the moon--they just don't like it if you curse or bully people here- did someone bully you? They aren't allowed to do that here, and the moderators will get them if they do!

You are supposed to get it all out here and we are all here to listen to you and cheer you on, so you can get rid of your pain and anger--don't be sorrry!

By saying you are wasting time, and you want to fade away and you are too messy,
you are saying you are not worth listening to--and that's not true!!!

This is the place where you are supposed to get messy, be vulnerable, be loud,get
angry--we want you to!! We want you to reach out to us so we can understand you
and try to give you a hand up! So many here care, so many here are angry and messy, and loud, and vulnerable--all with their own personal heartbreaks--one day,
you too will reach out to others and help them...no, don't fade away-stay-theo

[Beautifully_Broken]

Thank you so much.
You have no idea how much it means to me that you have both replied.
And with such lovely words.
It means so much.
Thank you.

I think I will try to rest now.
I have been awake for nearly 28 hours, and although I am exhausted, I can't seem to settle.

I will post later or in a bit if I fail to fall asleep and maybe post my original post... but I am scared to.

I did feel like I was bullied, more patronized and it hurt and made me feel very angry, I am sorry still for being so hostile in my edited post.

I hope you two have a good day, thank you again, for taking the time to read and type to me, thank you.

[Rohag]

Beautifully_Broken, you may have an age, but your pain doesn't.

Originally Posted by ohseedee

Sometimes it seems like mental health professionals will only take one seriously until they reach adulthood...

Sometimes not even then.

[Beautifully_Broken]

What does that mean?

(I have problems with understanding phrases and figures of speech and such.)

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Beautifully_Broken

What does that mean?

I'm sorry. Sometimes in my desire to be concise I don't fully explain myself.

What I mean is that pain is pain no matter one's age. If you were to break your arm, would it hurt any less because you're a teenager? The same goes for a broken, despairing spirit.

You and the other posters are absolutely correct. We're all individuals and there are limits to our ability to empathize with one another. I have my own experience, my own reality, and you have yours. I know my pain; you know yours. I recognize you are in pain, but there's no way I can feel your pain the way you experience it.

Some people may dismiss your feelings because of your age, but I feel I have no right to do so. Your brokenness is unique, and it is every bit as real as any one else's brokenness. You are not a second-class citizen on this forum.

Ok, Beautifully_Broken, I wanted to reply, but I know I have to be careful with what I say because I don't want to be dismissive of your pain IN ANY WAY. If I somehow upset/anger you, I'm sorry as that truly is not my intention

Originally Posted by Beautifully_Broken

Apparently it's obvious I'm a teenager because of my "anger" & that you've all been there. I doubt it. I hate people who say they#ve been there, they haven't, they do not live my life & saying "you must be a teenager" is the incing on the cake of how much you don't know & understand. Being a teenager means NOTHING. If anything, it makes having more than 10 illnesses/disorders/difficulties even worse. Urgh.

No-one else can feel your pain, but others might have been through very similar circumstances and can offer their perspectives on that. I used to hate people dismissing my moods and problems as 'teenage stuff' that I'd 'grow out of'. It used to drive me mad! But it is also kind of true. Yes, it hurts at the time, much as it hurts now I'm a bit older, but it's different... It's hard to explain. It's like you look back and it was all ok in the end. My brother is 17 and for the last few yrs he's been going through his own 'teenage stuff'. And he felt it was dismissed, same as I did at his age, same as most teens do, but gradually he felt better. His situation/problems haven't changed, but his perspective on them has so he feels much happier now, all from growing a few yrs.

I really hope that that doesn't upset or anger you. I absolutely do not believe that that makes your pain/problems any less real or distressing. I just want you to know that whoever upset you most likely meant no harm and just wanted to reassure you that your feelings will pass in time. Not that they don't count cos your a teenager or anything, but that you will get through this with time.

Originally Posted by theodora

BSo you are young, , that means you are going through the hardest part of your life, I don't want to go back there again!
It all hurt too much, I had no way to cope-now i have ways to cope i didn't have back then.

Absolutely, i wouldn't go back to being 14-15 again if you paid me a million pounds!!! It sucked! But others got through it, I got through it, and you will too

Originally Posted by ohseedee

Sometimes it seems like mental health professionals will only take one seriously until they reach adulthood, and that hurts.

Unfortunately, being an adult doesn't make that a definite Mental health services are pretty crap across the board I'm afraid.

I hope you find a way through this beautifully_broken, and all the other teens navigating the rough waters of adolescence. It does get easier

*Willow*

[justfloating]

((((((((((((Beautifully_Broken)))))))))))))

Rohag is right, age makes no difference -- suffering is suffering, and I'm so sorry you're in this much pain. If anything, I think being a teenager compounds pain in many ways, and people should be aware of and more sensitive to that. I have some experience of not being taken seriously because of my age, and it's very frustrating. I think that, especially with issues of mental health, a lot of issues can be brushed off as the result of hormones or "teen angst". It's not right, it's not fair, and there should be more awareness and validation of the things teenagers go through.

As for the uniqueness of your suffering, you're right, nobody can know what you're going through. But we have all experienced pain in one form or another, and that's enough for us not to wish anything remotely similar on anyone else, and to want to offer comfort to those experiencing any kind of pain, even the kinds we haven't felt for ourselves. This in no way is meant to diminish what you're feeling. Please know that despite the people out there who don't understand, who brush it off or tell you it's just part and parcel of being young, you aren't alone. There are people out there who understand the nature of pain and its individuality, but who can still listen, empathize and offer comfort and help. I'm one of them, along with many other people at PC and in real life. I hope that you find the help you need to get through this trying time. Please stay strong. You're not alone.

You're not a lost cause. Don't give up. Keep seeking help.

[Beautifully_Broken]

well I believe I am more mature than my biological age, I don't have a different outlook after years, and being an adult in a few months won't change that.

[Kaitlyn]

I think what Rohag meant is that you may be a teen but the pain you're experiencing doesn't have an age, meaning anyone can experience it. I too would wear masks because I wanted everyone to think I was okay (I was a teenager at the time) and I hated crying and being vulnerable. Experiencing my emotions wasn't a good thing at home because my mom would down play everything and to this day tells me to "stop crying, grow up, and act your age" which would only cause me to bottle up my emotions instead of letting them out.

There's only one person I feel comfortable letting in and showing her my vulnerable side. Thankfully she lets me cry during my appointments with her instead of telling me to stop crying.

hi-I read and reread these two threads- Rohag said nothing belittling about age Kaitlyn--in fact he said everyone here is equal in their pain-the only place beautifully broken got that from was in the other response-meant well, but i am not in agreement with myself, and neither is beautifullybroken-to clarify and set the record straight-

In Weeping Willow's third paragraph she talks about herself and her brother's growing up and how they grew out of the emotional stages.
That it was just a matter of time to pass this stage.

Sorry, I tried to quote it, but haven't figured out how to do it-all you have to do is read what Rohag wrote to see there is no criticism at all, there is a bit of criticism in what Willow says in saying that "you grow out of it".

She apologizes, but Beautifully Broken does not want to hear that, nor do I--you ne'er grow out of it--I still have my masks--I still am as hurt as ever I was, I just am better able to hide it now.

And it hurts far more when you are a young person than it does at age 55 --believe me--been ther--done that-ugh Be well-theo

[Kaitlyn]

I was refering to Rohag's post on the first page.... I didn't know there was a second page of posts. I didn't mean the age in a belittling way....I was just trying to explain it in a way Beautifully might understand.

Iknow you didn't Kaitlyn, but Beautifully Broken was upset by the comment on the second page when she replied--at least it sounded like it--and then it seemed like you picked up on it, cause she's upset on this page--2 replies later. She's very sensitive, being new and young, and picked on, you probably feel the same way- and i apologize if i hurt you---we all are very sensitive here, and this forum is complicated, i still don't have the gist of it (how to put a direct quote in, for instance-stupid me! lol)--it's a common error, i did it alot when i first joined---you gotta look to the left to see where the original thread started and how many pages it has.

Rohag and i were the only ones answering last night-early this am--beautiful was feeling very upset and we were upset with her...right now she doesn't need or want any criticism or negativity at all--no patronising, no condescension, just to vent and to say what she needs to say without judgements laid on her.

She has that right-just as you and everyone of every age here do.
Rohag made that clear, as did i--she doesn't have to fade away, or be sorry for being angry, she can be who she is here, so can you--Welcome Kaitlyn! Please forgive me?
I send you ((((((HUGS))))) and all good wishes on your journey--theo

[Kaitlyn]

Theo - to quote a post (like I have done with your last one) click on the Quote button that's at the bottom of the post that you want to quote in your response. No worries...and nothing to be sorry for.

Kait
P.S. back.

Originally Posted by theodora

Iknow you didn't Kaitlyn, but Beautifully Broken was upset by the comment on the second page when she replied--at least it sounded like it--and then it seemed like you picked up on it, cause she's upset on this page--2 replies later. She's very sensitive, being new and young, and picked on, you probably feel the same way- and i apologize if i hurt you---we all are very sensitive here, and this forum is complicated, i still don't have the gist of it (how to put a direct quote in, for instance-stupid me! lol)--it's a common error, i did it alot when i first joined---you gotta look to the left to see where the original thread started and how many pages it has.

Rohag and i were the only ones answering last night-early this am--beautiful was feeling very upset and we were upset with her...right now she doesn't need or want any criticism or negativity at all--no patronising, no condescension, just to vent and to say what she needs to say without judgements laid on her.

She has that right-just as you and everyone of every age here do.
Rohag made that clear, as did i--she doesn't have to fade away, or be sorry for being angry, she can be who she is here, so can you--Welcome Kaitlyn! Please forgive me?
I send you ((((((HUGS))))) and all good wishes on your journey--theo

Postscript: I am not only a sufferer of severe Depression (all my life) I also have CPTSD. I am extremely Hypervigilent/hypersensitive--at 55 years of age; I am (with 40 years of therapy etc) still just as easily hurt as a teen or child would be. I am just able to hide it better. To cope with it better. The Menatally ill do not go through "growth and development " the way ordinary people do.

We do not go through "stages" of life as purported "normal" people do.
We have been stunted, we cope, we try to survive and live in the population as best we can. Functioning is a challenge for us.

As mere babes we were disallowed the very basics necessary to make us akin to the rest of the "normal" world around us. We don't "get over", this- these are scars for life. The first 5 years of life make you who you are for the rest of your life.

When neglected, abused, denied the proper care a babe needs--you grow up with a definite handicap compared to those around you. You can work hard to help yourself to heal---and many do heal, but the scars and the hypersensitivy/vigilence remain---

as do the masks---kept neatly in a safe place if ever needed again. Be well all theo

Wow! Kaitlyn-You're a pro! thanks so much!!! and thank you for forgiving me--"To err is human to Forgive Divine" Alexander Pope

You are wonderful!!!

[Kaitlyn]

My depression is caused by trauma and there's definitely no way I can just "get over" it. No matter how many people want me to. It's just not something that happens.

Honestly I didn't know how to quote a post until I tried clicking on the Quote button to see what it did. I'm a pretty fast learning when it comes to support forums---the last one I went to had a similar set up in terms of quoting posts.

Kait

So, we've much in common--that's nice to know. I will tred carefully.
and don't play down your tech saavy--you're good at this stuff!!
taught me a thing or two! hugs, to my new friend-theo

Hi Beautifully Broken--a new friend- she doesn't "just get over it" either--

we are with you-keep what you need, leave the rest.
((((hugs))) theo