[Wantabenormal]

Ok, woke up this morning still sick from a cold. My shoulder is bothering me again (I have a condition that causes bone spurs to grow into the spinal canal) and my sciatic nerve is acting up.

I pulled myself together and took a shower, blow dried my hair and got dressed. (something I haven't done in days....ugh)

My husband and my son are off for the day and I'm alone. I think they are avoiding me again because of my depression. Last time this happened my husband almost left me because he couldn't handle it.

I'm looking around the house, dishes in the sink, laundry needs to be done, my garden needs attention, etc... but I just can't find the energy.

I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired!

[sundog]

I hear ya!! Sorry things are so difficult. It sucks that you are physically ill with a cold right now on top of everything else. It's no wonder you don't feel like tackling the dishes and the laundry! If you're sick it seems like your husband and son could help with household chores? (well, even if you weren't sick they could help too!!)

Well done for getting up and getting dressed. But go easy on yourself if you still have a cold and issues with your shoulder. I hope you're able to get some rest. I realize the depression is a big issue regardless of any physical stuff going on, but at least if you can rest up and get over the cold, that would help. I really hope you feel better soon

[Wantabenormal]

Yeah, you would think they would help, but they don't. Since I've been unemployed for 2 years they look to me to do everything, which really sucks. Then if that's not enough, I'm scared to say anything in fear of a confrontation.....

Thanks for the hug.....I needed that.

[sundog]

It's not fair that your husband and son expect you to do everything!! Here are some more hugs!!!

[Wantabenormal]

Thanks Sundog, you even got a chuckle out of me.

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by Wantabenormal

Last time this happened my husband almost left me because he couldn't handle it.

Hi Wantabenormal,

When I feel depressed, down, tired, unwell I still *try* and push through to get the stuff around the house done; laundry, dishes, vacuuming etc. But I am very sensitive to having this kind of stuff be taken for granted. This is work. To do it on top of coping with depression (and a cold) is more than admirable. It does seem like a difficult situation where you might be left feeling that you had done something wrong - while you yourself are suffering. This is just a guess?
As for your husband, I know there is no right way to react to a family member suffering from an illness. But why does he feel the need to "run?" It doesn't seem fair. Is he scared? Overwhelmed? Have you had the opportunity to discuss it? It seems like an area where a couples therapist could be of some aid.

Sending warm wishes your way...

E

[Wantabenormal]

Actually, to think of it, my husband is a product of my own making. I've always been the type of person who takes care of everything. Even when I was working 12 hour days, I still came home and cooked, cleaned, etc. I guess he has just gotten used to it.

You have to understand that our relationship is odd. My husband is a very intelligent person (almost scary smart) sometimes. Out of the 14 years we have been together we have only had 2 arguments. He is not a very sympathetic type person and does not display emotions very often. To put it in a nut shell, he's just not an emotional type person. When it comes to situations like this, he may care but he doesn't show it, so when he told me that he was thinking of leaving, I was shocked.

My family does not understand how depression can really effect a person. My husband just says that I'm just down on myself and I need to get out more and get my feet wet again in the real world. When I try to explain to him that it's just not that easy, he drops the subject.

As far as going to see a counselor, that will never happen. He has no use for counselors. He believes that if your not happy in the situation you are in, get out, "why pay someone to tell you your not happy? It's a waste of money.".

[sundog]

Wow, I see what you are up against ((((((((Wantabenormal))))))))))) That sounds really tough. I understand that there are people who don't have strong emotions and for whom life is very "cut and dried" and for whom there's a solution to everything, etc etc. BUT, your husband needs to understand that not everyone is like him!!!! And that there are other ways of seeing the world, and other ways of being in the world. And that he is married to someone who does not have the same emotional make-up he does.

I don't know what the answer is, but it would seem that there needs to be more compromise from him and more willingness to try and understand what you are going through. Thinking of you and sending hugs!!

[Wantabenormal]

*possible trigger*

((((((((Sundog)))))))))

I think I got into this relationship during one of my depressive episodes. I think I have a personality disorder that makes me "clingy" and search for someone who will take care of me. When I met my now husband I was in the middle of divorcing my 2nd. When I met my 2nd husband I was separated from my 1st. Before that, I lived with friends or my parents.

I have never been by myself, I have always had someone there to take care of me financially. As far as being emotionally supportive, none of them were. If I were to be on my own I would be homeless, depressed and possibly suicidal.

I have thought about ending this relationship but then I have nowhere to go. After being together so long (14 years) my kids think of him as their dad, our finances are tied together and it would almost be impossible to do with me being unemployed and unable to work. I'm stuck!

I do love my husband but it's more of a friendship than intimate. We really don't have anything in common, he bores me to death and I don't get the emotional support I need from him.

I long to have a meaningful relationship with someone who is supportive, loving, caring and who understands me. I've wanted that all my life but I keep going around in the same circles.

Maybe in my next life things will be better......