Overcoming guilt

How does one over come guilt? Major guilt on top of severe depression is not a good combination. I carry so much guilt and shame over indiscretions I had during my last relationship. I lost the most wonderful woman in the worl and I miss her so much. Missing her would be enough of a blow on top of my depression. but the guilt and shame of it all is pushing me into a deep abyss.

I have had some days where I feel OK lately. But, most of these days I simply have "forgotten" my mistakes. Lately I have been very lonely and I miss my ex girl friend a lot. More than you could imagine. And then I start feeling bad about what I did.

I am sinking slowly with each passing day.

You can not change what had happened. You can only learn from it. You can not go back. Just hold on tight and take one step at a time. Keep sharing here. We do care for you!

forgoten

I can completely relate. I have a very similar experience I am dealing with right now. I left someone to be with someone else and now I'm overcome with guilt and regret as I think I made a mistake. I've recently been obsessing over this girl and missing her so much. I've taken the step to admit to myself that I need to learn from it and move on but it is very difficult because I have trouble letting go of things. The biggest help for me was to start a journal, it really helped me to get my feelings out and not hold them inside.

It is not something that will take a few days to get over, it takes time. Sometimes I wish I could take the advice others have often given me but it is true, when we make mistakes, and it happens, the best thing we can do is learn from it.

vett, I have always had the same problem. It is so hard to let go of the mistakes I've made, the things I've done wrong. And sometimes it just takes time to heal...but one thing that helps me is to remind myself that I can't change the past, I can only learn from it and move forward. Sometimes I even stand in front of a mirror and say it out loud to myself (I know this sounds kinda goofy, but it works a lot better than just thinking it). And if it's something that is really bugging me, I might have to tell myself this over and over and over again before it has any effect at all.

It can be really hard work to overcome guilt...but when it really comes down to it, guilt is a useless emotion. Remorse can help you learn from your mistakes, but guilt just keeps you feeling bad about something...it doesn't change anything, it doesn't help anything. So, to me, it is worth all the work it takes to overcome...and, you are worth the effort, too.

*hugs*
Jo

From the other side of the fence...

Vett, I think it is FANTASTIC that you realize what a self-imposed obstacle guilt can be. I see my boyfriend struggle with it all the time - he feels guilty over things he should NOT feel guilty about... it just compounds his feelings of failure. He feels guilty about things that it would never occur to me to feel guilty about... and it weighs him down, discourages him.

I want to shake him sometimes and say "Stop obsessing about what you did wrong or didn't do right! Just move forward -- start from wherever you are RIGHT NOW". But I guess it's easier said than done.

So here's a virtual grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-shake-you from Philly. Only because you're asking.

...and a big hug, too. I know you're going through a lot, Vett. Hang in there,

Your friend,
LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

{{{{{{{{{{{vette}}}}}}}}}}}

I think you have been doing wonderfully....give yourself a pat on the back for how far you have come ok? You were in dire straights and stayed with us. That took courage and you have that in you. I am proud of you.

As for those regrets? Oh my hun....I know...they can eat at you but what you can do is to look at them all in a positive way.......yes you lost your love.....but - you are becoming a stronger and better person- think of how wonderful the next woman is going to be in your life. You have so much to offer...you really do.

Think of all those good days you are having....I am noticing here on the boards that your good days are starting to come close to the number of your bad days and that is success in my book hun. You had a time here that those bad days were all you had and I see now your sense of humour, personality, spirit and light shining through your words. I am liking what I am seeing and I know you will someday soon too.


Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

Thank you to each and everyone of you. What a great group of people. You lift my spirits and give me hope. I think I am going to kick it in and clean up my mess. I don't want to give up.

That is wonderful {{{{{{{{{vett}}}}}}}}}}}}

I told Tomi(SeptemberMorn) the other day that she is like the little engine that could......
I know I can.......I know I can.......I know I can I think this applies here to you too


Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

Vett,
I agree with Mj. Guilt is a useless emotion. Feeling guilt and staying with that feeling will get you no where. You aren't able to move on with a load like that strapped to your back.

I also agree with Heather. Your good days are starting to level out your bad. You have changed alot since first coming here. You started out just in pain and stuck in your rut. NOW you are sharing with us and talking about things and searching for ways to make what you want to happen really happen.
I also found out you have a really great sense of humor :O)

So, you made mistakes. You made lots of them. Your gonna make more. You are human. You can learn from it and move ahead a wiser, stronger man. Work on forgiving yourself and continue growing. You know what you don't want to be and alot of us see what you can be. We like you :O)
Hugs,
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

Thanks Heidu, you are very kind. And, I know that I am human. I know we all make mistkes, even big ones. And, I also know that we should forgive one another for the mistakes we have made.

I guess where it breaks down for me a bit is that I realize that my exgirlfriend will most likely never forgive me for my actions. It is so frustrating to me because I know that when I am healthy I have a lot to give as you have all seen on here. As much as I am feeling better it is still hurtful to realize that I ahve lost her.