[cryingchild]

I want to die ,I feel ive lost all my online friends ,cant they see that this is who I am I may be a [censored] up nobody but hey this is me.......I was alone before It got me wondering why people were starting to like me (Its cause I run a self injury support group) now Im thinking whats the point in keeping everyone eles happy if Its doing nothing for me.I know that may sound selfish But everyone is leaving me and Im [censored] scared that I will be alone again.I know after reading this you will all come on saying You will miss me and that You care but you and me will both know that is not true Its just something in this life that You feel you have to do.My one good mate I thought I could trust (dot)Has had enough I can tell Its the same with others I get too know and love They all leave...............What the [censored] have I done wrong????
It gets me so angry.......that people lead me on thinking they like me then up and leave when things get tough...........I cant help the way I feel I cant help who I am.Why cant people see that......I may get so paranoid I may get so not trusting but that does not mean Im a nobody..or.does it.........I feel that people are saying things about me that may or may not be true and that just gets me so wound up........That I do pick fights and I do Hurl abuse.......I suppose it makes me feel better in a sick sort of way .....It makes me feel better towards myself that everyone hates me .......Im so alone yet so desperate not too be alone (that dont make sense I know)Like ive been told a few times I speak like a fool) ....................... cant write noomore .feel sick at myself.......feel angry .at myself...........feel let down by myself.................

<font color=purple> **Everyone who lives dies, but not everyone who dies has lived** </font color=purple>

[SeptemberMorn]

CryingChild... you are who you are now but you don't have to remain that way. Like Dr. Phil says "How's that working for you?" It seems as if it's not working for you, maybe?

You don't have to make changes from one minute to the next or even one day to the next, but if you start working on things that bother you about you, people will see the change and may want to stick around to see the finished product. It may even be an incentive for others to do the same thing you are... and that is to improve yourself. ALL of us have room for improvement.

There's a saying that caught my eye once and I don't think I remember it well enough to quote it word for word but it goes kinda like this: "Don't be afraid to change. Be afraid if you're not changing."

Good luck! We're here for you. It's your choice whether you accept our help or not.

[LadyDragus]

It sounds like your life is taking a turn you do not like.
Well the only thing you can do, is let it turn, then see if you can change it. It is not a process that happens over night, you can change the way it is turning but only you can.

You have to want to be a differnt person, and if your freinds leave because of you being a differnt person then they were not true friends to begin with..
I for one will not leave, i have been in the same place you are in now, and I have survied., I am a differnt person, but I also think that I am more loved by myslef after my big truning point..

Wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be alone is common place when you do "hurl abusive words and fight" NO people will run when you get viloent. I would step back and ask "self"
<center>
? why do I do these thing??
? Why do I hate so much?
? Why do I want to fight?
</center/>
If you answer "attettion to any of these" then that is where you need to start. Getting attettion is good, but bad attettion is not.. It is like when you were a child, did you only get bad attettion when you did something wrong, or did you get good attetttion when you did somthing good.
Our childhood does shape our lives belive me. it does.
Thinking about why you are doing something is always the begingin.
Try these things I have posted and then come back and tell me if any of this has helped ok.

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[Fuzzybear]

Hi crying,

I have sort of been in the place where you are too ... mainly when I was angry with my mother because of her apparent indifference towards me. I was in effect saying to her "I hate you, don't leave me..." ... (No, I haven't read the book, but I intend to). The result was, not surprisingly, she became more distant and uncaring, and threw me out.

You are far from stupid, crying. Before you do or say something that is likely, from your experience, to result in negative behaviour from others, try the HALT technique (from another board ... pm me if you want). You CAN change your behaviour, and still be you. The real you is still a work in progress, like with all of us.

{{{{Crying}}}}

Fuzzy

[Duchess]

Anger is my middle name
I'm not going to pretend to be your friend b/c I have none. Except myself.
Even at that I don't like myself. so grab a vest and hang on tight because we are on the same ******* Ship!!!!
Crazy and destroyed deep within inside scared to be me,
wanting for just a singel moment to be, who I once was
to END this bitter Pain
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Duchess~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ABOUT THE NINTH HOUR JESUS CRIED OUT IN A LOAD VOICE, "ELOI,ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"~WHICH MEANS~"MY GOD, MYGOD,WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"
~MATTHEW27:46.
MY GOD,MYGOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?WHY ARE YOU SO FAR FROM SAVING ME,SO FAR FROM THE WORDS OF MY GROANING?~ PSALM 22:1