I hate my depression

I hate feeling the way I do. I feel alone, scared, angry, depressed, and a lot of other things. Sometimes when I feel really bad I will cut myself and when that doesn't wwork I will try to kill myself. Lately, my feelings have been getting strong and I have to do everything just not to do something to myself. People say that you can control what you think and what you feel but I think that that is a bunch of ******** because if you could then I wouldn't do some of the things I do or have a lot of feelings that I have. Well, I have to go for now.

Welcome to the forums, Neesha. You will find a lot of great, caring people here, who understand.

Please take care,
Fuzzy

((((((((( Neesha )))))))))

You're in a very scary place in your thoughts right now. It's important to be aware of the tricks depression plays on us. The biggest lie it tells is that life is not worth living. Hating your depression is a statement that you wouldn't like to feel this way. Many people have described depression as an unhappy marriage. You go to bed with and wake up with an unwelcome partner each day. Unlike a marriage, there is no payoff with depression. Only you can begin the process of divorce.

Seeking help is the first step. You've demonstrated this by coming and posting here. So many here can relate to what you've described and you'll find welcoming, compassionate friends on the several forums. Sometimes sharing with others is what's needed to give us the "ummph" to get going again. Sometimes more professional help is needed.

I hope you will feel welcomed to come and vent, cry, complain, whine, release any pressures you might be feeling at different times. There is a self-injury forum you might be particularly interested in. We cannot be a suicide prevention center for several reasons. Please keep and use a local suicide prevention hotline number by your phone for any emergencies.

Hope you will re-visit, and better yet, join our loving family

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

Neesha, welcome to the boards. Did you notice that where you are right now mentally, you have a neighbor? I'm right there with you.

I have been cutting alot lately and have already tried suicide a couple of times. I don't believe you can control what you think or feel either........mine just takes me and I go with the emotions and don't think at all. Part of being BPD I guess.

Feel free to vent and talk on here, PM me if you wish. It's what neighbors are for . Maybe talking to someone that is there also will be of some comfort and ease the urge to harm yourself.

Mary Alice

Neesha....

I think you will find a lot of people on this site that can relate to what you are going through. And, a lot of people that will offer you advice and support and whatever else they can do for you.

Please try and understand that your depression can be a temporary set back. It does not have to be a permanent condition.

I sent you an e-mail and I am willing to provide you any support that you need.

Neesha,
Welcome to the forums. I think you will find alot of caring people who will listen. Alot of us are having the same feelings as you or have in the past. We all try to talk and listen. It does help.
Hope you'll keep posting.
Hugs,
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin