I can't see an end to this torment

I feel like I will never be well. I wonder if the pain will ever go. It seems like there's no hope for me to get well.

(((( estee1)))) I am sorry you feel so bad and hopeless........What is going on in your life that makes it feel so bad? I just may understand where you are at or maybe have been in a close place

I just feel so much pain and I want to give up evrything. I can't even say why I'm like this. It's just part of the sickness I suppose. I don't know. I feel like such a failure. Like people don't respect me anymore. I just can't handle the pressures of normal evryday things that other people seem to be able to breeze through. Just feels like life is killing me. i'm not hungry and I hardly eat much. I'm just a misery guts. i think too much.

(((((((((((((((((((Estee))))))))))))))))))

I am sorry for your pain I am a well aquainted pal of Pain.......and right now it is like the blind leading the blind here but I make a point to eat and sleep well...and take care of my body ...all that crap.....they say it helps.....You have a lot of anxiety?

Hi estee. We may never be completely over the pain but I believe we can get better. Posting here really helps.

Yea I have a lot of anxiety. it's no fun as you know. Everything is such hard work, especially eating

Wow that's alot of posts. Sorry you lost them. thanks for your thoughts, i appreciate it.

There is hope out there. Just hang in there and try to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's there, you just have to look a little harder.

estee,

Many of us here at PC have been in your place. It might help if you try to think that what you are feeling at the moment is part of the illness and it's not you.

Depression talks to us in a way, and tells us that we are bad, but that is the illness talking. Lots of us have come to terms with depression and anxiety, and we make something of our lives, even with the relapses that happen.
We become proud survivors, I know I am.

Do you have some medication sorted out and a therapist?
That would be a start, and posting here was a great help to me, not at first, but gradually it started to help.

Welcome to PC! Myzen

estee.....i had left the forums for a few days but had to return to write to you.......i want to reassure you again that you will get through this...remember.i have been through it all and have a good life now....please keep up with your meds and therapy and keep talking to us here.....it may take a little time.....but you will get through this.......love and peace.....julia

estee1

((((((((((((((estee)))))))))))))))

You are 100% correct, it is the illness and has nothing to do with "reality". I know you feel so down right now, and that is part of the illness, but you also feel like it will never get any better, and that is part of the illness too. If you weren't effected by depression, you would know that you can't predict the future, help may be right around the corner... but no matter how much we "know" that, the depression will not let us believe it. So please hang on to that knowledge that this is an illness, and that it lies to you, and that it can be treated.

Are you seeing a doctor and therapist? I believe the three most important things are medications and therapy... it can take a long time to find the correct meds that will work for you, and a proper doctor and T will help you to understand this... and a T will help you through the rough times, and once the meds take effect will help you develop the skills to understand the illness and take care of yourself.

The third thing is a support group. Do you have people around that you can trust to talk to? A lot of us don't, and a lot of us do but think that we don't... again that is the depression talking, causing us to isolate ourselves, which of course makes the situation even worse.

Try to find a support group in your area. These are usually free. Your doctor or T may have a list or you can search on the internet. I you don't feel comfortable in a support group, try to find another. I was in three different groups before I found one that "fit my personality". In a support group you can interact with people who understand. It makes it easier to talk. You can get suggestions, feedback and support from others. And I think starting off with strangers that have a common bond gets you past the "isolation" wall that we may have already set up with our friends and family. You can go and talk as much or as little as you want. Sometimes just sitting and listening can be comforting.

And come here often. This place offers all of the things mentioned above, and is available 24 hours a day for times when you are feeling particularly bad. I still like to have an IRL support group because there is no substitute for being around real people. But this place is an awesome resource and sometimes it is easier to talk to "faceless" people if you are having trouble getting started in a group.

Hi julia. (((((((((((((((((((((julia))))))))))))))))))))))) Hope you are well. thanks for your hugs. I've been having a hell of a time. I think it helps me to tell people. I will keep coming here too. estee

Thanks dextar for your advice. I would like to reply about the things you were talking about but I can't find the energy to. I'm feeling very crushed.
Have a good day! Maybe tommorrow i'll be able to reply.

estee i know where you are coming from. for years i been dealing with this depression and no one not even my family could understand or be there for me. sometimes i feel it is my fault for everything and sometimes i feel like giving up. i have a family who hurts me and dont care even to see my kids or me. they have done wrong to me and i know i am not perfect but i let them know how i felt like that did any good it made it worst.

when you said that it seems like no one respects or want to listen or care that is how i feel. and sometimes the world seems to be out to get you. i feel that too. you feel alone and lost and lost of hope. but you are not alone you have people like me and others who can be here because we understand and what you need is a friend.

Thanks Debbie. I am haing the worst day. I couldn't even choose clothes to wear today, it was so hard just to make a decision. I just stood there looking at the clothes thinking 'oh God what is happening to me?' I feel i am getting worse and worse. I wonder how much more I can take but i'm terrified to call the t. I don't see the t until next week. I just feel like I can't go on another day like this. Life is crushing me. I don't know what to do.

(((( ESTEE1 ))) I am glad to see you are on.. Silly as this may sound maybe make yourself set out clothes and meals for a week..or 3 days.....or until you see your T....though maybe kicking that appointment up would be a good idea...I feel for your pain and I hate......hate the anxiety

Thanks, good idea. the only probelm with that is that I would be irritated that the clothes weren't in their right spot. lol. It's been a rough time. I called the doc yesterday but didn't really find any solution. But at least i was upfont and honest about how bad things have been getting. I have some really caring friends who say I'm welcome to come over when I'm in strife. So that's good