JJust Useless!

I am pretty sure it is safe to say I am depressed today. I feel a "pity party" coming on, so excuse me if I vent.
I have so much in my life yet because of how I am I have nothing! I have 5 great kids ,who can't even respect me.
An amazing husband who practicaly hates me! And nothing else. I work a job I used to love but now I dread
Going to every day! I work between 9 and 12 hours a shift and can't even pay the rent.
I just suck. No one thinks I care I am just selfish only think of me, obviously. I suck! I hate who I am and I don't seem
To be able to pull it together and do the stuff I need to do for others but make time to do one thing for myself at least 3 times
A day I smoke 3 smokes a day, always find timefor that. I am done for now just tired n pissy
With myself my life is bull%#$t.

Hello, Walksinair!

Considering your assortment of trials, your above post seems rather short and restrained. You don't need to post more, of course, and you may not have the time to do so, but try to feel free to let out as much as you need.

We're listening.

That's right...we are listening.Waiting to hear more.It isn't a pity party...it is a human who owns a heart and wants to be heard.....We hear you!

I was hoping sleeoing would help,but it didn't.

I slept for a few hours, like usual then get up a couple n back to bed,I never feel like I get enough sleep no matter how much I get.
My weeks are shot I work 2 12 hour shifts so get absolutely nothing done on those two days then I work 2 9 and a half shifts so don't get much done those days either,it seems that by the time I am done working I just don't have any energy for anything else, I don't wash dishes or cook meals or wash clothes or anything, about all I do is help the kids get off to school when I get home from work before I go to bed.I don't remember to make appointments for other family members forget appointments I have made. I have an explosive personality, just get pissy for no reason sometimes. I just want to disapear sometimes cause I feel like what is the diffrence? Who would miss me? I never do anything productive anyway. My husband feels that I use my depressionl ADD as a crutch and an excuse. What frustrates me is I know it is all about attitude but I can't seem to fix mine. More later gotta sleep again for another night of work.

The irritability can be a sign of your depression. I learned that the hard way, myself. Thought I was just being a witch, then got upset when I was in the psych ward with one of the techs who said something jokingly to me that I took as demeaning (he was being lazy too). I was so infuriated with him, that I had an epiphany--all those other times when I was *****y, it was my depression talking! Now that I am properly medicated for my depression and getting some counseling too, I'm back to being "Sweet Susie" like I was in my non-depressed times of my life.

Are you getting treatment for depression? Meds? Counseling? Might be that both are in order. Let us know how things are going.

I am not presently on any meds,i am not in counseling,however my husband because he knew i didnt have time set me up for an intake with a counselor who uses a sliding scale, it will be a couple of weeks but i am excited at the prospects of it.

Oh so many of us feel the same way! Today is a new day and I hope that you are feeling better. You sound a lot like me! I feel the exact same way about the sleep! Can't ever get enough! I could sleep for days. It is such a challenge to get out of bed every morning for me. And sometimes I wonder what it is all for. I hope the counselor works out for you. Get some sleep!

I am finally done with my work week now I have 4 glorious days off.haha well I hope they are anyway. Hope to get something accomplished I still have to go back for a short meeting but then no more work crap for a few days, though I still can't sleep at night when I am supposed to sleep, never could that is why I work nights, but for some reason this job is disrupting my life more than my other ones have.so as everyone else says good morning I say good night for a couple hours.

If you think things are as bad as they can get don't worry just wait a few minutes and u will be proven wrong and they will get worse!

Walksinair, what's happened? Are you going to be able to rest these next few days/nights?

Having one of those days were I can't do anything the right way to please anyone else,just full of digs aas to how I act‚reminding me how bad I am and how close to being alone I am,how I need to be watching my step, so feeling down,I have caused all my own agony and I deserve it, but having someone treat me the way they "perceive" I have treated them just doesn't seem to help me "learn" to change my behavior, wow not sure if I am sad crabby or "issy!

When you are depressed, it can make you highly irritable. Take a deep breath. Breathe in, breathe out. Then do it again. Stop yourself several times a day if you are feeling overwhelmed and do this. It might help. Won't lessen your load, but might settle you a bit so you can deal with it beter. Hope you enjoy your days off, get some rest and get a few things done and off your platter. Be good to yourself, no matter what else happens!

Thanks for the support, nice yo have someone to vent to that wont gey their feelings hurt cause they have no personal ties to me.

Hi. Yes, vent here. I think you barely started venting.

You say you are useless. Really? Or is it used up? "Work, work, work, cook, cook, cook, clean, clean, clean, take care of kids, take care of hubby, and work some more. Look pretty, smile, and be cheerful. In spare time write a great american novel." Someone said that PMS is a handy excuse women to be able to once a month tell the world how we really feel. Are you feeling PMS-y all the time?

You work really hard. And having your sleep problems could lead to all sorts of stuff, including your hormonal balance going haywire, which then would further screw your ability to rest and recharge. Do you have a health insurance, can you seek help?

Too true! [Personal experience.]

You know if I took care of the kids and my husband then it would all probably be better,I would probably not be on the outs with them, if I don't pull it together I am gonna be of the homeless,no person should ever have to sacrifice their health for another and my husband has been doing that for a long time and is sick of it.he is now doing many of the things he feels I did wrong to him to me to teach me a lesson all it is doing is getting me mad. He can't understand how I don't think things throughhow I continue to say stupid things without thinking,how I start things and don't finish them or just never get them started,he believes that I "use" my "illness" as a "crutch" so I can get away with. "Abusing" him I lose my temper often I yell but I am really working on this and since I have gotten some control of this I feel like he is sometimes intentionally baiting me by saying things he knows will get a rise out of memost of the time I fall for it before I realize what I am doing (hence the talking without thinking) he set me up for an intake meeting to start counseling he found some that have a great sliding scale,so I am sure he really wants me to get better,just aggrevates me which is not hard. Oh welll grrrrr.

Hi!

You seem to be having a great amount if inappropriet guilt, like me.
I have done nothing really bad but lot of times feel bad or guilty...
I hope you get better! Don't think that you are bad! You work a lot for your family....

Well I don't think my guilt is inaproppriate, on my days off I do very little,even what I do doesn't even show,cause I am so far behind, my house is not as bad as an episode of hoarders but not real far behind, I don't keep garbage or anything like that,lots of old papers, have problems with laundry pileing up as I don't get them washed , dishes pile up cause I don't wash them daily,