UG. Such a tough time tonight.....

How am I feeling at this moment;
Angry, because I just don't understand some things. Just when you think you do, you question yourself on whether you made the best decision or not. And then the whole time you sit there.back and forth and back and forth figuring it out until it angers you so bad.

because there is no set of right rules for approaching a situation.... it presents itself, you do your best to make the best out of it, but it never goes right for me. And then I sit here and wonder, why .... in the situation if you take such a leap....and be brave...you still have questions about answers given or comments made that you can do nothing about.

because I mess everything up. No matter what the situation is, or what is going on..............somehow it all falls apart and it is either:
A: BLAMED ON ME
B: Told it was my fault
C: told "why would you say that?"
D: "What the hell are you thinking?"
E: "No, that;s not accurate!"
Well, then what can I do right if everything I do I am being told this?

because of the comfort and sanctuary found here

because something needs to save me from myself before I have another complete mental breakdown. I am feeliing so alone....I mean there are people on here with which I msg and confide in..........but alone as in alone in being totally alone. I dunno.

Didn't mean to bring anyone down, I'm just really down on myself tonight and there isn't really any reason why.............it's just so hard being stuck in my head. I just want to explode and be put back together as another inantimate (sp?) object so when someone DOES want to have something to do with me, they can take me off the shelf ...... say what they have to say and then place me back on the shelf and leave me alone/

Hi! how are you?

Brighid,

I cant say that I totally understand you situation but I can relate to what you are going through. I hope that you can find the support that you need here. I have been having a hard time lately too. I feel very alone because no one understands my problems. There are times that I want to completely isolate myself because I cant deal with the people. I know the feeling of guilt and hopelessness. I know what it feels like when everything around you falls apart and you feel like its your fault. You are not alone in this battle. Like I said, I may not be able to relate to all the tough things that you are going through but in some way I understand. If you need to talk I'm usually online!
keep us updated on how you are doing!

Best wishes,

Crazyman28

sorry it's so tough right now Brighid! I wish I had some great advice but my mind is so out of whack I can barely form a thought. Just hang in there, okay?

Thank you, very much appreciative to your support. It's funny how you can find the support you need from people you have never met, or, for the most part, have not even seen pictures of..........yet the ones who are family and friends are the ones you feel so ashamed, embaressed, distant, and alone from. Everyone here is just amazing, truly.

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time yourself What you said about feeling alone and isolated because noone understands your problems. ... just had this convo with someone on here earlier and I mentioned to him that you know....It feels that way around those who are supposed to be 'closest' to you maybe because they don't have the problems you or I or anyone does and it's like they think well,. "you'll be ok.....take your medicine....you're fine now that you have therapy..." but that's not the case is it? It's very soul crushing to feel that no-one understands or relates. But, in another sense it helps the struggle to look at with the point-of-view that they are there to help, hey may not understand or "get it" but they can listen. Sometimes, listening though is enough, other times not. I hope you can find peace with the problems you are having right now

Guilt and shame are my BIGGEST issues right now, aside from feeling hurt and confused. Guilt sometimes out-weighs the shame, but the shamed emotion is much stronger to deal with (personally). Generally, I just go off and unintentionally avoid everyone. So far, i havenot found a way to deal with those two. I know I am not alone when I am here and that is why this placeis so restful, you can actually breathe when you come here because you know people understand.

Thank you again for your advice. I will definately keep you in mind if I need to talk, please feel free to use my shoulder as well. All the prayers and comforts to you as well that you can smile and be at peace tonight

Thank you so much for the concern and thoughts I know you are going through a tough time yourself, my heart goes out to you..... how is your medicine? I hope so much better, is it easing up any for you?

I'mma hangin on alright........to a slippery rope. BUT better now that you guys showed up

Much love and prayers that your medicine is getting better to handle.

You are probably doing much better in handling the situations you are talking about than you think you are. Remember,you are depressed, so you are likely accepting the negativity which is being heaped on you with the blame you are describing. I did much the same when my husband first left me unexpectedly. When he came back, through therapy, I was able to see that, while I wasn't perfect, hubby was more to blame for the problems than I was.

You express yourself very well here in the forum. I suspect that this behavior (i.e., communication skill) has been echoed in your actions and discussions with the others in your life that are of concern to you. Don't buy into someone else's opinion of you--form your own. You are probably dealing with your situations and relationships far better than you think you are. Just watch a TV reality show--The Housewives of New York, New Jersey, Orange County, Miami--pick any one--all of them are filled with normal people who behave ludicrously in common situations. You are probably doing just fine. You can fine-tune the behaviors you wish without beating yourself up over it.

Thank you so much, that is a lot for me to take in......I accept it and I 'understand it' it's just never thought of it that way. It's hard to read the truth and apply it to myself because I "don't" feel ok....because I don't have a really good opinion of myself......however, what you said did make me think that perhaps you are right. Thank you so much for taking your time to give positive feedback.

You are also going through tremendous changes with all the progress you are making with T. Don't forget that!

I completely understand the "ready to explode" I imagine you have all kinds of emotions pretty close to the surface...be patient with yourself and give yourself a chance to process everything! I KNOW how strong you are!