[bevers]

I am just feeling low , it seems like this depression is just hanging on
or am I hanging onto it.... I hope I'm not hanging on to it....But lately
I am so tired of the way I feel, I keep doing what doctors tell me,I take
my antidepressants and other drugs. I try to write in a journal, but
I hate writing it down because I feel like I am wallowing in it.. The same
goes with getting together or calling friends, I hate to still be depressed-
because I (think only- no one has said anything to me) that they are tired of it.

Does Depression Ever Go AWAY or am I going to feel this way forever.
Lately I am feeling more and more like a failure, because of how porely
I am dealing with my life , or lack of one... I can't work full time any more
I find myself pulling away from people.... I want to get better but it just
seems like it just keeps hanging on.....
Sorry to go on and on..... Don't know who else to belly ache to.
I always feel so odd after my counseling appointment....

Bevers

[heidu]

Hey Bev.....I hope it goes away. I feel the same things you are feeling too. The sadness always seems there and I want to pick up the phone just to talk but feel that I am not that great to be around and when people ask how I am doing am I supposed to lie and say I'm great? I can't enjoy things like I used to and I can't seem to smile or feel comfortable like everyone around me seems to be.

When I need someone to talk to I don't want to call because I don't want to bother them with my problems and if they wanted to know or wanted to be around me they would keep in touch themselves. It's icky all the way around.

It has to get better. We should feel better. We're good people.

Hugs sweetie.
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[cryingchild]

u will get better just take it a day at a Time .....(hugs)

[SeptemberMorn]

I'm going to quote Wendy (Rapunzel) from her response to LitlRedVet's thread, "Clutter."

"There are people who overcome it, but just like with anything else, they have to want to (bad enough). parenthesis mine

Even if we want to overcome... whatever, it still takes tenacity and patience. Patience with ourselves and patience with any given method of overcoming. It takes saying "Ok, I blew it this time but next time will be better because I will have learned a lesson from having tried before."

Good luck to all. Darrel and I have decided to start up our thread once again; Depression: RE Avatars. Everyone is invited to post their input on what has been said... or their own issues.



<font color=blue>Don't die with your music still inside you.</font color=blue>

[Peanut61]

((((((((((((((Bevers)))))))))))))))...

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[SeptemberMorn]

Bev, I feel like I need to apologize to you. In re-reading my post to you, it sounds harsh and very impersonal. You deserve better than that, my friend. Please forgive me.



<font color=blue>Don't die with your music still inside you.</font color=blue>

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{Bev}}}}}}}}}}}

That is a hard question hun....I know it can get better...but I also know that there are good and bad days. I think that is what you are looking for maybe hun? Those good days outnumbering the bad. That is what I strive for and for a while now the good are out weighing the bad. I know that it is not completely away though. I think that is a good thing and a realisitic thing.

The past few days I, myself, have been up and down. There are so many things going on that are making me anxious and sad. I think what I realize now though is that it is normal.

You are a terrific person who deserves so much happiness. What stands out to me is that you recognize that you feel odd after your therapist appts.....that is good that you can see how they make you feel and that is good sign. Knowing the feelings is half the battle.

Keep posting here hun....it always helps to get things out.


Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

[goggles]

Hiya Bevers (hope I've got that right)

I just wanted to say that I can completely understand and have experienced everything you have talked about. I know how horrible it is
to feel alone and unable to share your feelings. I've been trying to figure
that problem out for years.

I do think that it can get better. I know for a fact that I have been seriously depressed and come back from it to feel reasonably happy.
In my case it tends to come and go. I believe people can completely
recover and I think believing that you are able to recover is a large part of the battle. I know how fantastically hard it is though.
Good luck with today and tomorrow and any obstacles you have to overcome
with love from goggles x

[bevers]

Thanks its good to know others have the same problem, and I know
I am not alone its just a help to hear it....

I am trying , but it is hard.... I don't even know who I am anymore,
or if who I thought I was before was and act, because of all the
stuff I buried so deep...... How do you find out-

Bevers

[bevers]

Tomi.,,,, I know what you were saying, but I will accept your apology
too.... Please don't get me wrong, I really do want to get to feeling
better.... and have more good days than bad....

(((((((hug))))))

Bevers

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bevers}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You wanted to know if it will ever get better? Now you have read about my lowest point. That doesn't even seem quite real to me now. I remember it, and I remember what I did and what I said to people, and even looking at my own memory of what I said, I'm like "I can't believe I actually said that." Yeah, it gets better. I have a bad day now and then still, but it doesn't last and doesn't get too bad. Most of the time I'm pretty much okay now. And the only things I'm on are St. John's Wort and chocolate. Things will get better for you too.

Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>

[heidu]

I understand. I know who I was before. That's not the problem. It's finding out after everything what I am supposed to be now. I know that what I have been thru that caused the depression and all the feelings I have will affect me profoundly. I will never be the old me again. I am just trying just like you to find out who I am supposed to be. It's not easy. Some things will never come back but I know some things are just buried. I just need to find out how to dig them out. Maybe they aren't buried so deep, maybe I just need a safe place to let "me" out again.

Hang in there Hon,
Sending hugs,
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[bevers]

(((((((((Wendy))))))))

Thanks for the positive words, I read you post and then read what you
wrote too me....

I guess it just gets hard sometimes and I feel like I am at a stagnant
pace... not going anywhere.......

I'll try to remember it can get better ....

what would we do without St John Wart and Chocolate especially
the chocolate,,,,,
since I can't take St Johns while on anti depressants.

Bevers

[Serenity]

ok this is changing the subject a bit, but Bev?....you mentioned not beign able to take St Johns with antidepressants?.....can you tell me why? Does it clash? Or jsut for you personally?
I was thinkign about reading up on St Johns and its benefits...but was curious if there was a clash with it and antidepressants?

[Rapunzel]

Serenity,

SJW works the same way that SSRI's do, so taking it along with antidepressants is risky and can lead to an overdose. I've overdosed on SJW before - it made me hypomanic when I took too much. If you want to switch to SJW from antidepressants, I would recommend talking to your pdoc about it.


<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>

[Serenity]

dont have a pdoc...I ws jsut curious..I wouldnt actually be switiching Im sure the antidepressants are out of my system by now...I havent taken them for over a month so I was wondering what St Johns Wort might do for me...if anything
Thanks for th einput )

[Rapunzel]

In that case, I think you would be fine to go ahead and try it.

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>

[pswkhe]

I fully relate to how you are feeling. The last 11 years of my life have been a non-stop effort to improve myself. I always end up hanging myself, whether it be my job or something else. I am alone often. I'm afraid of reaching out to people. This is mostly because I am afraid they will hurt me emotionally. I am very sensitive about what people say about me. It seems as if the pattern of my depression eventually catches up to me. I am sick and tired of it. I see all these happy people all around me and people look at me as if I'm some psycho. I really am a nice person, though. I feel so alone and withdrawn from life and any sense of identity in my life.