[Elana05]

I am procrastinating going to the jobs website. It is so bleak. Whenever I do, I get sick to my stomach. I want to disappear. There must be something. I will try to push through.

[Rose76]

TerryL
Being prone to guilt seems to be a trait of one's make-up that really doesn't have all that much to do with how much reason there is for the person to feel guilty. That's why it isn't real effective to try and reason someone out of guilt. At least that is a thought I am having, lately. I, too, have been feeling shadowed by guilt. It is very oppressive. Why do some others who have things they could get feeling real guilty about seem free of guilt? That question has me thinking.

So, even though I said reasoning doesn't work, I've started to tell myself that my guilt isn't the price I should pay for wrongs I have done, or poor judgements, or mistakes. I say this guilt is in overdrive, and it is a symptom of my emotional troubles. So then I think maybe I am not as bad as emotional troubles make me feel - in fact, by definition, I'm not, because it is a symptom of depression to feel more guilty than I am. Well, it sorta helps.

Mainly - I wanted to say it is painful to feel guilty, and I am sorry that anyone should have that pain about something that can not be changed.

[venusss]

A Luta e Alegria! At least that's what i want to believe.

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by Rose76

TerryL
Being prone to guilt seems to be a trait of one's make-up that really doesn't have all that much to do with how much reason there is for the person to feel guilty. That's why it isn't real effective to try and reason someone out of guilt. At least that is a thought I am having, lately. I, too, have been feeling shadowed by guilt. It is very oppressive. Why do some others who have things they could get feeling real guilty about seem free of guilt? That question has me thinking.

So, even though I said reasoning doesn't work, I've started to tell myself that my guilt isn't the price I should pay for wrongs I have done, or poor judgements, or mistakes. I say this guilt is in overdrive, and it is a symptom of my emotional troubles. So then I think maybe I am not as bad as emotional troubles make me feel - in fact, by definition, I'm not, because it is a symptom of depression to feel more guilty than I am. Well, it sorta helps.

Mainly - I wanted to say it is painful to feel guilty, and I am sorry that anyone should have that pain about something that can not be changed.

Thanks for understanding Rose. I have had countless people/Ts tell me I should not feel as guilty as I do but as you mentioned, some people's makeup is that way. I wonder why I am like this? But I know I am not alone. eg the man who sold the airline tickets to the 911 hijackers, the prison wardens who are still haunted that they might have executed innocent men..an outsider could tell them that they were just doing their jobs, that they should not feel guilty, but they still do. Guilt is oppressive, and paralyzing and I am sure there is a root cause somewhere. What is hardest for me is guilt is about something that I did wrong, that I hurt someone or something, even it was always unintentional. For a time I had success in reasoning away some of my old guilt. When I reviewed the facts it gave me a reprieve for a few years. It resurfaced recently but I hope that if I could reason it away once, I can do it again. We are only human and we all make mistakes. I am sorry that you are also feeling guilty. I hope you too can reason it away and get to some peace. Please PM me anytime. Wishing you all the best-Terry

[alwaysrejoice]

I did some chores today and it wasnt so bad, maybe i can do more tomorrow.

[vintageromance]

I'm sick of being left alone. I can't be happy when I'm all alone.

[buttrfli42481]

I hate the unknown and waiting to see what happens.

[Rose76]

I'm hoping that my less than steller job history doesn't doom me to unemployment. A ray of hope: One of the forms I filled out said they don't necessarily refuse to hire someone with a criminal background. So that should be reassuring, right? Somehow, I'm not feeling it.

[HalfSwede]

As I work on my latest assignment, the perfectionist in me is fighting hard for the upper hand. Why does he still bother? He will not win. I guess it’s just the American way. I once worked at a restaurant with a motivational poster that said, “Good enough is never good enough.” What a mindf*** that was.

[Shadow-world]

Originally Posted by HalfSwede

As I work on my latest assignment, the perfectionist in me is fighting hard for the upper hand. Why does he still bother? He will not win. I guess it’s just the American way. I once worked at a restaurant with a motivational poster that said, “Good enough is never good enough.” What a mindf*** that was.

I like the quotations underneath your posts. I think they are all very true. I read 'Steppenwolf' many years ago.

Good luck with your assignments. Try not to be too hard on yourself with them.

I suppose I could be in for a difficult time if my dark days are my better ones?

[Elana05]

So tired...

[Rose76]

Almost closed in on a job, but got side-tracked by S.O.'s health emergency. I have someone who is dependent on me to a point that hinders me, and there is no good solution to that . . . just the best of not great options.

[beautifultea]

wondering if this is going to be another tough fall with SAD and why i slept all day. is it a sign of things to come or did i just need the sleep? i hate not being able to trust certain things. always on the lookout to see if this is the thing that leads further down the pit.

[buttrfli42481]

I'm beginning to see more light at the end of the tunnel.

[porcupine2]

Today I plan on doing nothing even though yesterday I slept thru most of it. I need a day to play and since I live alone I don't have to justify it.

"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted" - John Lennon

My mind is on my mind.

[Rose76]

I don't feel well mentally. I thought I was improving, but I don't feel too good at all.
My tinnitus is worse.

[Roguewave]

Trying to figure out what I'm capable of.

Should I:

Lay in bed all day
Go on the porch and have a cup of coffee
Go to the bookstore
Pick somebody up tonight

90% is on lay in bed...

[Elana05]

I hate that the first thing I want to do in the morning is apologize for myself. I seem to need to apologize for taking up space on this planet. I never feel like I am doing enough.
Oh well. It's rainy and I feel happy about that. I am slowly working up to a therapeutic dose of meds and I'm glad about that. I called my pdoc yesterday and asked him some questions and I never would have done that in the past. I should go to a 12 step meeting this afternoon but I feel mentally too tired.
I think I will go to the farmer's market instead. Sometimes I just like to see the people...

[alwaysrejoice]

My dog is bahaving himself, I can't believe it. He has caused me so much stess lately.

[Shadow-world]

Originally Posted by porcupine2

Today I plan on doing nothing even though yesterday I slept thru most of it. I need a day to play and since I live alone I don't have to justify it.

"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted" - John Lennon

Porcupine2, sometimes you need the rest. It's part of taking care of yourself.

[Shadow-world]

I'm having a quiet and restful time even if that means no exercise or many social contacts this week. I feel I need time out after an emotionally very stressful day on Thursday.
I'm not going to beat myself up about anything - even about mainly sleeping, resting and not doing anything much. I've been better and with some time out I can hopefully put the stresses of two days ago behind me and continue feeling better again.

[gardenangel]

Gosh, I hate mandatory ovetime....feeling very resentful!

[agma]

Today is the first day in a long time that I actually feel ok. I've goten a lot of stuff done.....it is a nice change.