[buttrfli42481]

What did the ct scan find? I hate waiting for results.

[mcspaz]

Few days of respite,
Crushing Agony,
Emptiness,
Mild Determination
Rinse, Repeat.

[porcupine2]

I am so excited that I might have found the right therapist for me. I hope it all works out.

[emptybee15]

As of right now, I hate LIFE! Why do I continue to wake up everyday? I gave up a long time ago! *Waving My White Flag*

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by Rose76

4 days ago, I tumbled from feeling kind of "up" to being very anxious and depressed. The upcoming new job fills me with forebodings of things going wrong. I haven't seen a pdoc in ages due to cancelations. I feel like I have no professional that is really involved.

Hi Rose--it's not easy starting a new job. Just hang on to your inner strength. or just think the people at the new job might be fighting battles of their own and maybe you can help them. Good luck!

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by bagged5pt7

not really getting any replies from anyone here....but today just felt there...my body was there working and what not but the rest of me was just gone.i sometimes feel like not being alive dont think anyone would miss me...but the only thing really keeping me from doing anything drastic...is the fact that its so selfish.

It's hard when you don't get a reply to your post. It's not that people don't care, sometimes it's just because they don't know what to say. Just keep posting

[Rose76]

TerryL - Thank you. I will think of what you said. I appreciate the encouragement.

I tried to contact my pdoc just now. She's unavailable due to on-going illness. My appointments have been repeatedly canceled for the same reason. I haven't been
seen in months and I am doing poorly. I don't think I am properly diagnosed. It seems I may be bipolar. That's been suggested before. There is no family support for me. I am kind of scared that I keep relapsing, even after intervals of feeling very well. I am very grateful to the PC community for the caring shown here.

[Shadow-world]

Even with bad days in-between, I feel I'm improving. The higher med dosage is definitely having an effect. Not being constantly overwhelmed by feelings of anger, resentment, hate, hopelessness, despair and high anxiety is just such an amazing change. It seems to be like this most days now even if some days feel like a relapse.
I actually feel much more alive again, whilst I felt something was dead and / or dying inside me a few weeks / months ago. I hope it will continue in a positive way.
I have no intention of going down on med in the near future even if my GP might advise me to do so.

[porcupine2]

I can't take it. Not again. There has to be some way I can deal with this situation without being mean or callous. Dang it. There went the neighborhood.

[Rose76]

I called and didn't get the call back promised. I went to the psych emerg. and the pdoc there promised to tell my clinic. It feels like they can not bother with me it they don't feel like it. What is left to me but to just pathetically ask and ask?

[SadNJNY]

Things aren't getting better for me.
In fact, they're starting to get worse.
And I see no light at end of the tunnel.

[Rose76]

I got a call back and an appointment. So they know I exist now. I'm glad I raised my profile.

Inertia has a powerful influence in my life.

[porcupine2]

I came to the realization that it is not me I hate, or the daily life I have. I find my anger is directed to the world as a whole. All the stupid laws, in-fighting, the fear based media, the news being so slanted and the real news not being reported. I am angry that my fellow men and women can say such hateful things and protest a funeral because they are against gays. There are so many idiots out there in the spotlight and every one of them is driving my rage. I see many of these politicians as truly evil.

[Pengygirl]

I feel I can't have fun or be myself when my boyfriend isn't around.

[Rose76]

I was very young and the wise person said to me, "Life is as it is."
I said, "That is what makes me mad."
The wise person said, "Then you will go through life mad, and that will be too bad for you."

So I thought I would change. I guess I failed. I am as I am. It seems that is too bad for me.

Hello, Rose. To quit trying is to fail. Change is hard. To persevere makes success all the more rewarding. Build on what you have learned. Focus on improving the process. Leave the perception of failure behind.

Good luck.

I wonder if Methuselah got tired of blowing out the candles?

[Shadow-world]

I need a lot more quiet time than I seem to currently get to maintain my stability, which I tentatively try to hold on to.

[HalfSwede]

I realize it's a cliché to say I'm on an emotional rollercoaster, but I am. It's not one of those highfalutin' new ones that has 60 ft. drops and goes 80 mph. It's more like one of those rickety old wooden ones from the '50s that doesn't go too high or too low or too fast. It looks like it might fall apart, but it doesn't, as long as someone keeps an eye on it. People are afraid to get on it. I call it the Cyclothymia Express.

Thinking personal hygiene.

[clouds_and_sun]

I am so sick of being rejected!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Shadow-world]

Someone has not behaved in the way I'd expected them to towards me again!
I'm too tired to get upset though (or into details). That's good in a way. I had good intentions to go to an exercise class tonight, but bed seems to be more likely now. Sooooo tired. No reason for being so tired, but I can barely sit up any longer.

[Elana05]

I am trying... I think. But still feel wholly like I am not doing this right. Who am I trying to please?
I am so tired.

I am wondering is an anthropomorphized leaf would be depressed at this time of the year.