Zombie-fried Perze

I am so tired. I mean bone-weary, exhausted, worn out, run down, dead on my feet. Tired. And it's funny because I have done pretty much nothing lately. I finally got around to cleaning out my tub last night & was too tired to even take a nice long soak like I'd planned - my legs were shaky just trying to hold myself up in the shower.

I sleep, a lot. It's all I want to do. Everything hurts - muscles, nerves, joints, hands, knees, hips, back, head, teeth... my eyes hurt, my insides hurt, I hurt inside.

And I've been feeling this way for a year now.

I feel like I've had a low-grade flu for the past year. Can't stay warm, can't relax, but have no energy to do anything at all. All I want to do is lay on the couch & not watch t.v.

I'm on vacation, so I'm also pissed at myself for not doing all the things I'd planned to do - like mop the kitchen. I did manage to commune w/my snakes for a few hours, give 'em baths, clean their tanks, but it wore me out (and it's not like they're big snakes or all that active - Ed's idea of a bath is to lay there in the warm water & blow bubbles from both ends)... I am just so tired. Everytime anyone asks me if I want to do something or go somewhere I can barely lift my head up to give an answer, which is usually, "No, I'm too tired."

I feel like I don't even have enough energy for a decent nervous breakdown. I'd really like for someone to cater to me for a month or so, though. Maybe 2. On a nice warm beach in the British Virgin Islands, drinking mojitos.

Yo Perz. I go through the too pooped wasteland too. Sometimes I just give in and sleep sleep sleep. Then for no reason I can see, I'm ready to get up again..... Yesterday I took my longest walk in a year, out of the blue, my bod wanted to move. (I have a lot of physical owwies too.) I just keep reminding myself, this too shall pass...... whether good or bad, everything keeps cycling through unpredictably. Gota keep our sea legs on, huh?

i'll go with you to the islands. rejuvenation like nothing else. the beach, the beer, the mojitos, the little umbrellas and oh, those cabana boys!

{{{{Perzephone}}}}}

I'm sorry you are so fried.

Just imagine yourself on that beach. There was a nice beach here. Crystal Clear Water.

Ahhh, turquoise ocean... ahhh

Have you seen a doctor about this? I don't want to scare you but that's how my mom was when she got cancer...always too tired to do anything. I'd go to a doctor if I were you and get checked out.

Thank you, Lex. I've thought about going to my doc & letting him send me for blood tests & stuff, but the thing about general aches & fatigue is it could be too many anythings - cancer, fibro, chronic fatigue, Eppstein-Barr, rheumatoid arthritis, being fat, the depression itself... I think it's just a decade of too much work & too little play, another birthday coming up, getting older, getting tireder.

My vacation ends in about 22 hours & I've got to cook a turkey on Saturday for our office potluck - I promised & now I'm regretting it because I really don't wanna have to get up early that afternoon & fiddle with it. But then again, my coworkers have not experienced the mouth-watering ecstasy that is Turkey By Me for a few years.

I think it can be thyroid related too, which can cause depression too.

I hope you get better soon and think hard about seeing that doctor.

TC ((((Perzephone))))

It's funny, I don't think there's anything wrong with me medically - I just felt the overwhelming need to ***** & moan about how worn out I feel, how old I feel, how the grey hairs are winning. There is so much gossip & backstabbing going on at work & I'm not looking forward to having to go back to those people tomorrow, but my Yule resolution is to get out of the gossip chain, which may solve some of the tension & resentment that's building up. It's gotten so bad that I actually updated my resume' & posted it on HotJobs. I always tell people "If your job is making you that miserable, find a new job!" and as I was going through my closet trying to find a wearable suit, I saw just how tired & severe I've started to look everytime I looked in the mirror. Drawn & ragged around the edges. One week off every 6 months isn't long enough!!!

On the upside, well, at least I do have a job, and some of my coworkers are pretty cool people who strive to provide me with entertainment, and I did have a good vacation entailing a lot of loafing & eating good food & watching bad movies & long, warm baths.

Thyroid is one thing I've ruled out, but for different reasons. Mine actually runs on the high side of normal, which surprised my doctor ("How can you be fat w/normal blood sugar, normal cholesterol AND a high thyroid?!"). I actually got my thyroid checked out because my sister had hers removed (it was basically 'dead') & all these women at my job are being diagnosed w/thyroid cancer & other thyroidal problems. I know it's the water out here - all that rocket fuel!

I just think w/chronic illnesses that for the most part, all a doctor can do is offer support - aspirin & sympathy. Change your diet, exercise more, take NSAID's. There are no 'cures', only treatments for the symptoms.