40 years old, miserable and lonely

aloneforever? · Jan 06, 2015, 11:36 AM

My life is also not so great, I feel alone. I am 39yrs old, have a job but not a career, i still live with my parents. Zero social life. I'm a very shy person. I have very low self esteem..I guess its because I was ridiculed by my own parents while growing up. I hated my childhood and can't seem to get over it. I can't afford to rent my own place bcoz rent here in my country is expensive. I work 5 times a week, and on day offs i sleep most of the time. TV is my bestfriend and i cannot imagine life without it. I rarely go out of the house because I have a lot of fears...fears of bumping into excoworkers or past friends acquaintances. Fear that people will realize how miserable my life is at 39....I dont understand why my life turned out like this! Weird, I know. I admire you shelterdog71 because you have a love for dogs. Dogs are good therapy. And walking your dogs is a great way to start exercising and loose some weight. Exercise helps eliminate sadness. I do not know you personally but I will include you in my prayers tonight. Prayers are powerful. (I know you are not a very religious person as what u have said) When I am down and out, what I do is pray.
Take good care of yourself shelterdog71. Hope your operation turned out successful. A lot of people care for you. I live in the other part of the world, if only I could give you a big hug and make you feel you are not alone....

Mae1970 · Dec 25, 2015, 04:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shelterdog71

I'm a 40 year old woman, single, no kids, and have never been more miserable or unhappy in my entire life. I have ONE extremely close friend but that's it. (She's in just as bad of a rut as I am so she's not much help!) I have no money, no social life, no fun or enjoyment of any kind. I wake up at 4:30am to get ready for work, walk my dogs, etc. Then drive 50 million miles in horrible traffic to work a job I despise with people I hate. Drive home through even worse traffic, have to deal with cooking, cleaning, house stuff, walking dogs, etc. Then I'm so exhausted I veg on the couch until it's time to go to bed. Every day of my life is exactly the same.

The only thing that gives me any pleasure at all are my dogs.. I don't know what kind of mental state I would be in if it wasn't for them!

It is so hard to meet new people at this stage in life. It's even harder when you don't go anywhere. A trip to the grocery store is a big exciting event for me and I'm certainly not going to meet anyone there. Everyone says "take a class!" (or something similar) to meet people with common interests. But I can barely pay my mortgage and bills and have ZERO money left over to spend on anything like that. I took a free aerobics class at the park hoping to meet some neighborhood women but they all looked at me like I was Satan and wouldn't even talk to me. I tried being friendly and nice but they just ignored me. WTF? (And please don't suggest church as I am a non-religous person!)

It's also hard to meet men because I'm overweight. Even though I'm attractive, clean, healthy, fun, friendly, intelligent, and nice, being overweight automatically makes me un-dateable. Men have never, and will never, approach me or try to talk to me. I have never had a successful or normal relationship with a man my entire life. I attract the scumbags that are out to take advantage of the poor desperate fat chick.

So not only does my personal life suck, but my job is a disaster. I hate my coworkers, hate the work I do, hate my bosses, everything. But with the way the economy is, jobs are scarce and I should be thanking my lucky stars I have this job. It still doesn't make it any better. I do tech support on the phone and get screamed at all day by angry, irate people. It's just awful.

Every weekend I sit home alone. Sometimes my friend and I will hang out at one of our houses but she is a single mom and has no money so we can't go anywhere or do anything. I never have any fun or enjoyment of any kind. It's just work and chores. I can't remember the last time I really laughed. I see places I want to go but have nobody to go with. I'm starting to feel that people on TV are my friends and I know that's unhealthy.

The past 4 years have been a nightmare for me and I really think I had, or am having, a nervous breakdown. My mom had cancer, my dad had a heart attack (both are fine now but my family went through some horrors as I'm sure you can imagine), I had a severe foot injury and surgery, quit smoking, lost my job, started a new job I hate, am stuck in a house I can barely afford because I broke up with my long-term boyfriend/fiancee last year (almost as bad as a divorce), and gained over 50 pounds. How much stress can one person handle?

I'm so down in the dumps it's ridiculous. I have an appointment with my doctor in a few weeks and am going to ask about anti depressants. I'm already on Xanax to control my panic attacks and I hate to take more medicine, but I just can't shake this crappy feeling. I'm so angry all the time and very hateful of everyone and everything.

I don't know... I just need to vent and can't afford a psychiatrist! My mom is sick of listening to me complain, and my friend says I have no right to complain about anything since I have a good job and own my own house. So I get no sympathy or help from anyone.

Thanks for listening. I don't expect any answers or miracles but I just needed to let it out.

I know exactly how you feel. Big hugs to you. I'm so happy to find this forum.

almost_40 · May 01, 2016, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shelterdog71

I'm a 40 year old woman, single, no kids, and have never been more miserable or unhappy in my entire life. I have ONE extremely close friend but that's it. (She's in just as bad of a rut as I am so she's not much help!) I have no money, no social life, no fun or enjoyment of any kind. I wake up at 4:30am to get ready for work, walk my dogs, etc. Then drive 50 million miles in horrible traffic to work a job I despise with people I hate. Drive home through even worse traffic, have to deal with cooking, cleaning, house stuff, walking dogs, etc. Then I'm so exhausted I veg on the couch until it's time to go to bed. Every day of my life is exactly the same.

The only thing that gives me any pleasure at all are my dogs.. I don't know what kind of mental state I would be in if it wasn't for them!

It is so hard to meet new people at this stage in life. It's even harder when you don't go anywhere. A trip to the grocery store is a big exciting event for me and I'm certainly not going to meet anyone there. Everyone says "take a class!" (or something similar) to meet people with common interests. But I can barely pay my mortgage and bills and have ZERO money left over to spend on anything like that. I took a free aerobics class at the park hoping to meet some neighborhood women but they all looked at me like I was Satan and wouldn't even talk to me. I tried being friendly and nice but they just ignored me. WTF? (And please don't suggest church as I am a non-religous person!)

It's also hard to meet men because I'm overweight. Even though I'm attractive, clean, healthy, fun, friendly, intelligent, and nice, being overweight automatically makes me un-dateable. Men have never, and will never, approach me or try to talk to me. I have never had a successful or normal relationship with a man my entire life. I attract the scumbags that are out to take advantage of the poor desperate fat chick.

So not only does my personal life suck, but my job is a disaster. I hate my coworkers, hate the work I do, hate my bosses, everything. But with the way the economy is, jobs are scarce and I should be thanking my lucky stars I have this job. It still doesn't make it any better. I do tech support on the phone and get screamed at all day by angry, irate people. It's just awful.

Every weekend I sit home alone. Sometimes my friend and I will hang out at one of our houses but she is a single mom and has no money so we can't go anywhere or do anything. I never have any fun or enjoyment of any kind. It's just work and chores. I can't remember the last time I really laughed. I see places I want to go but have nobody to go with. I'm starting to feel that people on TV are my friends and I know that's unhealthy.

The past 4 years have been a nightmare for me and I really think I had, or am having, a nervous breakdown. My mom had cancer, my dad had a heart attack (both are fine now but my family went through some horrors as I'm sure you can imagine), I had a severe foot injury and surgery, quit smoking, lost my job, started a new job I hate, am stuck in a house I can barely afford because I broke up with my long-term boyfriend/fiancee last year (almost as bad as a divorce), and gained over 50 pounds. How much stress can one person handle?

I'm so down in the dumps it's ridiculous. I have an appointment with my doctor in a few weeks and am going to ask about anti depressants. I'm already on Xanax to control my panic attacks and I hate to take more medicine, but I just can't shake this crappy feeling. I'm so angry all the time and very hateful of everyone and everything.

I don't know... I just need to vent and can't afford a psychiatrist! My mom is sick of listening to me complain, and my friend says I have no right to complain about anything since I have a good job and own my own house. So I get no sympathy or help from anyone.

Thanks for listening. I don't expect any answers or miracles but I just needed to let it out.

I just logged on. And everything you said is exactly how I feel. I have two dogs. And I work so much , I am overweight a little and also very tired after work. I think we are soul sisters.

Murph3 · 08:43 AM

Hi There

I read your story and I'm sorry , I'm from Australia and my life's not perfect either, I'm miserable , I'm 32 , have 2 kids and I'm with someone who has given up on me and if it wasn't for my kids I would be severely depressed. I'm a really good person and all I want to do is help people , thus the reason why I'm here to chat if you ever need. People that don't see you for who you are don't matter.

Drop me a line if you need a friend ��

Cheers

catnip123 · Aug 08, 2016, 04:50 PM

I agree with the suggestion to volunteer somewhere - maybe once a week at an animal shelter. I started volunteering at a cat shelter last year after my old cat passed away and the volunteering helped a lot. It took some time to get to know some of the other volunteers, but now I get to visit with the cats and some of the people who volunteer the same evening that I volunteer.

flowersnWoodstock · Feb 11, 2017, 08:28 AM

Hello there,
This post sounds like one I would have written. . I'm a 40 year old single woman, no kids, few friends, not close to family (or don't see them often enough, due to distance. .immediate family lives 500 miles away). I completely gave up dating 5 years ago after a bad breakup, because the pickings are slim, and I'm not attracted to men who are too much older/look older. I'm still renting, because don't feel comfortable enough to buy a place of my own yet. I wish I could have a pet, would be wonderful to care for another being, but can't have pets where I'm at. Sometimes it's so bad that I've taken to having a small stuffed animal Woodstock on my keychain, because I feel a little better looking at him. My parents are getting older, and they will be moving down here in about a 1-2 years. I've entertained the idea of living with them (helping with the mortgage, renting) because I don't see myself ever ending up with anyone and it'd be nice to spend more time with them.
I have a job, but it's just that . . a job. But I feel stuck, and can't move up. Have been trying to motivate myself to go back to school, so I'd be able to possibly do a career change, but it's a catch 22. .depression has gotten worse over the past couple of years, to the point where I've been missing so much work because I hate how I look, pretty much everything about myself. I've tried going to counseling, but I didn't feel it was really helping.
I have gone to meetup events with the purpose of just getting out of the house, but again . .sometimes I'm so depressed and ashamed of how I look (even though various people say I'm an attractive woman) that I tell myself I can't go to meetup events because I'm not thin/fit enough. (model like thin, guess it has something to do with how southern Cal is obsessed with appearance).
Need to break out of this rut, but nothing has seemed to work so far. I'm sorry to hear that others are struggling with this issue, too. .but it's good to know that I'm not alone.

crazycatladee · Apr 27, 2017, 09:12 AM

I totally get how everyone feels, I have friends but all couples I have a home but no spare money. I have just been dumped in the last few weeks by a commitment phobe who treated me terribly but I just can't see a way to get my self esteem back up. I had a breakdown 3 years ago and everytime I feel like I'm getting somewhere I get knocked down again.
Determined to get up this time but the loneliness is all consuming. I really hope I can find my inner peace at some point!
Big hugs to you all!

inthehalflight · Apr 27, 2017, 04:54 PM

I really feel for you and can relate to a lot of what you are going through. Please know that you are heroic for doing all that you do. None of what you are struggling with is easy, and I can tell from what you wrote that each day takes so much courage and strength.

I feel the same way you do about the social aspect of life. I am around your age and on some days I just feel like my life is over, with seemingly no hope or fun or anything to look forward to on the horizon.

I wish you the best and hope you can be gentle with yourself. Loneliness and depression and the daily grind are so hard, but we can be friends to ourselves by treating ourselves with compassion and by being proud of everything we are able to do on a daily basis, no matter how small or mundane they might seem.

fijiisland · Apr 27, 2017, 09:03 PM

Your post pretty much describes me. I have a job I hate, no money, on friends, and I had to move in with relatives. I do have kids and they also hate me. I can't get ahead in life. I try to take classes but am too depressed and tired all the time.

I have never been so miserable. I also have one good friend, but I don't really talk to her anymore since she is such a user and only cares about what she wants!

I dont' know what to tell you because I need the same help!

Sunflower123 · Apr 27, 2017, 10:17 PM

Shelterdog's initial post was in 2011 but it seems to have called out to many others. I messaged shelterdog to see how she is doing now. If anyone knows could you please pass that on? Thank you.

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40 years old, miserable and lonely

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