[Divine25]

I know I have always been depressed. I was doing pretty good for awhile but these past couple months have really been hard on me. I'm angry all the time, I cry so much I'm surprised I haven't dried up yet. My husband is in the military and we aren't having any problems, and that's why I can't understand why I feel like this all the time. I took the quizzes and I found out I might have Adult ADD, I'm Bipolar, and depressed. I got really high scores on the bipolar and Adult ADD quiz. I literally started laughing afterwards because I didn't know I was that bad, but those questions really just hit home!! Is that normal to not know how bad you just might be? I use to think I was just a drama queen and it was just me trying to get attention, but the thing is I really don't make things up or do things to get attention I hold everything inside, and I blow up when something or someone makes me mad. I am a complete ***** to my husband sometimes for absolutely no reason what so ever. I'm really surprised he has put up with it. He's kind of hard to talk to sometimes because I don't think he really understands how I feel. So I never really talk about what I feel because I end up feeling stupid afterwards. I sat up last night thinking alot so I decided I will keep a journal. Hopefully I will get out of this slump I'm in. Well look at me I'm babbling on....

[(JD)]

Hi Divine, welcome to PC. Well, imo, military life is stressful in itself! Please consider seeking professional help, someone to bounce your feelings off of, and maybe nip some of the sadness "in the bud" before it totally interferes with your life. Journaling is a good way to reflect on the day, and plan for a better tomorrow!

Hi Divine and welcome to PC.

Talking about it helps a lot. You are very welcome to talk about it here and I do hope you will find someone close to you to talk about it too.

[Lexicon78]

I think it would be beneficial if you started seeing a therapist. They could help you out a lot. And keeping a journal is also very therapeutic. I, myself, keep a journal and it seems to help out a lot sometimes.

[Divine25]

I'm not feeling very well right now. My step daughter just told my husband that she wants to go home and basically blamed it on me. Said I don't trust her. I'm such a *itch to everyone in this house and now it's hurt someone I love and now she wants to leave. I feel really low right now and I'm blaming myself because I know it's my fault. I isolate myself from everything and I never want to be around anyone and now she thinks I don't love her..and I don't know how to approach her and tell her different. I don't know what to say I don't know what to do... and right now I just want to crawl in a dark corner and cuss me out. Why does this have to be so damn hard... :

[DaveyJones]

Leah,

I have found myself having to apologize to my kids at times like this...I usually just tell them the truth. "So&so, I'm not feeling well, and I'm afraid that I have been taking it out on you. Can you find it in your heart to please forgive me?" If they ask any questions, answer the question without TMI..."Well, I'm just feeling really down tonight".

It really works wonders...both ways.

DJ

[Azalysa]

Welcome to Psych Central, Leah!

I agree with all the great suggestions from the previous posters.

I can identify with you in that my depression began exhibiting itself right after I married my husband. Don't think that was a correlation, just that I was in my early 20's before I had ANY symptoms. For the next 10 years, I was much as you described, I was really hard on my husband, and, in my case, would get so (unknowingly ill) that I would throw things around, etc. I just thought I had a bad temper, but in the back of mind I thought...this isn't normal.

My former husband and I eventually did divorce (not over this issue at all) so began going to a therapist to deal with the divorce. After a month or so of weekly visits, my therapist said, I've been watching you and I think you may have a depressive disorder and referred me to a psychiatrist. I was initially diagnosed with Major Depression - Recurrent and then, because the anti-depressant wasn't working after 6 weeks, my psych added Depakote, saying it was for mood swings. He never told me I was actually Bi-polar!!!

Please see either a psych or a therapist if at all possible.

[hillbunnyb]

welcome aboard the good ship PC

[VAQUERALOCA]

Welcome to PC ......... SOmetimes this is the only place I can go to listen and talk ( well, type ) ........ I think you should try apologizing to your stepdaughter and tell her you haven't been feeling very good and it makes you get angry quick. That's what I tell people that I hurt or %#@&#! off......... or just cannot give my time too. I have foster kids and they are tired of me hiding and not spending time with them,...........I feel so horrible all the time I can barely get out of bed....... I have to FORCE myself to just do the basic chores of my life........... and that in itself is really getting me down....... I keep waiting for it to get better but it hasn't....... I've been DX with untreatable depression ( chronic ) ........... That's kinda a sad DX too coz it holds out very little hope for me........... I mean... Hmmmmmmmmm if it's not treatable then what am I supposed to do? So, I really know how you feel. I jsut want to stay in bed all day and not do anything at all, not talk to anyone.... just be by myself.......... I dont know what to do about it and nothing seems to make it feel better....... even mt therapist and psych doctor don't know what to do for me any more........

[Divine25]

Thank you all for your support. I have called to make my appointment for my doctor to get a referal to see a Therapist. But since the good ole military is so wonderful I won't see my doc until Feb. 7th So I do have a little light at the end of my tunnel. Far as my step daughter goes, I just can't put up with her anymore. She's very ungreatful and she thinks she's in her 20;s but I love her...and I was really upset last night because it was hurting my husband that she wanted to go home. I have tried so very hard to make a connection with her. I have told her time and time and time again that my attitude isnt anyone's fault but my own. But she thinks that everything that goes on around here is a personal attack against her... She's miss high mighty princess that has to suck up all the attention she can get. I'm tired of catering to her. I do blame myself for the way she is feeling, but I am putting my foot down. I care about me more, I know that sounds greedy but I have to care about myself, or I'm not going to be able to care about anyone else. I tried to explain to her last night about the way she feels, but she had the attitude on and wasn't listening.. *sigh* I hate to see her go but I can't worry about it anymore, it's stressing me out...

Thanks again everyone for your replies..